Once upon a time (*I think it was last week*), in a land far, far away (*actually it was a tropical Makai island*), there lived three youkai. A big-sized youkai named Kuwa-chan; a medium-sized youkai named Yuusuke-kun; and a miserable little fire demon youkai named Hiei. Now, granted, the first two youkai weren't exactly full-fledged youkai, but for purposes of this fairytale, we will assume they are youkai.
The tropical Makai island, where at least two of the youkai whiled away the hours desperately waiting for some females - any females - to show up, wash ashore, whatever, was incredibly hot. Africa hot. It was so hot (*"how hot was it?"*) that all three youkai - yes, even Hiei - shed their clothing in favor of the au naturale look, sans loin cloths, butt naked. This, of course, led to a lot of comparison glancing all day long as most naked males of any species are wont to do.
"Do you think any girls are gonna' show up today, Yuusuke-kun?" Kuwa-chan asked for the hundredth time, sitting on a rock under the shade of a spreading palm.
"Don't know," Yuusuke yawned, his usual answer for the hundredth time. The two horny youkai watched as Hiei practiced spear fishing in the surf. But since Hiei hated to get wet, every time a wave came by, he ran back up the shore, and never caught any fish.
"Well, how's about we go inside our hut (*if you live on an island, your house is automatically called a hut, btw*) and have some breakfast," Kuwa-chan sighed, brushing some sand off his tush as the rocks had a light coating of sand on them (*and besides, his tush was a little numb from sitting on the rocks in the first place. And let's face it - if you lived on a tropical island, sand would be everywhere, including...well...let's leave it at everywhere*). "C'mon, Hiei! Give it up! Let's have breakfast!" the large-sized youkai bellowed towards the little fire demon youkai. Hiei puts his hands on his hips (*since he had no pockets - duh*) and just scowled. Tossing his ineffectual spear to the side, he stomped up the shore and pushed past the other two youkai with a "Hn!"
Once inside the incredibly messy, very small hut (*imagine three guys in a college dorm*) Yuusuke-kun, the elected chef, set out the usual breakfast fare of porridge (*imagine wall compound, which probably taste better*).
"Itai," Kuwa-chan whined. "My porridge is too hot!" He put down his hand-carved wooden spoon, and immediately drank two glasses of water because he didn't think to blow on the porridge which had steam rising from it before he shoved some in his mouth.
"Mine's too hot, too," complained Yuusuke-kun, pushing his bowl away from himself.
"Wimps," Hiei snickered. "Mine's just fine. I like it hot," and proceeded to gobble down most of his porridge in about two seconds.
"You would," Kuwa-chan mumbled, causing the little fire demon youkai to give him one of his patented death glares. Kuwa-chan folded his arms across his bare chest and pouted. Hiei shook his head. 'Of all people to be stuck on an island with!' ::he thought:: 'I gotta' be stuck with these two jerks!'
"Well, what should we do while we're waiting for our porridge to cool?" the large-sized youkai asked, looking at Yuusuke-kun.
"Why don't we go for a walk to the other side of the island and look for girls over there?" the medium-sized horny youkai suggested.
"Hey, cool! Let's go!!" Kuwa-chan gleefully shouted, jumping up from the table. "You coming, too, Hiei?" he asked, as he and Yuusuke ran out the door, hormones ablaze.
"No thank-you!" Hiei muttered. "I'm taking a nap." So while the large-sized youkai and medium-sized youkai went bouncing (*literally*) towards the other side of the island, the little fire demon found his little fire demon bed, curled up in a little ball, and fell fast asleep.
As it would happen in fairytales, a mysterious stranger washed ashore onto the tropical Makai island on a makeshift raft. Flowing fiery red hair, incredibly beautiful green eyes, and wearing only a brilliant smile that showed off his perfect teeth, the mysterious stranger staggered up the shore and collapsed onto the sand.
"That's the last time I book a cruise with the F.B.N.* company!" he choked, spitting out a mouthful of sea water (*eww*). "I want my money back..." he coughed, rolling over onto his side. He blinked a few times and noticed the hut with smoke coming from a cooking circle (*like in Girl Scouts but no uncomfortable logs to sit on and get splinters in embarrassing places*). The mysterious stranger raised a hopeful eyebrow and stood up, brushing sand from his...well...brushing off sand. He cautiously made his way towards the hut and looked for more signs of life. Seeing none, he slowly crept inside.
After getting used to the dim light (*remember, huts don't have electricity*) the mysterious stranger noticed a table set with three bowls of some awful looking, awful smelling whitish grey mushy stuff. Well, two of the bowls still had this mushy stuff in them, and one bowl had just a little bit left inside. The mysterious stranger tentatively poked a finger into the larger bowl and found the mushy stuff to be rather interesting feeling. Kinda' nice, even. But after a few seconds...
"Itai! This porridge is too hot!" he shouted, putting his injured finger in his mouth. He tried the medium-sized bowl. "Hmm," he frowned, "this one feels too cold." He glanced at the small bowl that had a little porridge left. "This one feels just right," and ate the remaining porridge from the small bowl. But since he was starving he figured what the hell, and ate all of the porridge from the other two bowls, remembering to blow on the hot food first.
Now that he had such a nice big meal in his belly, the mysterious stranger suddenly felt sleepy. (*Afterall, it's not everyday that one gets shipwrecked on a tropical island. You tend to become very tired. Especially after all that rowing by hand, swallowing so much sea water, and eating so much of that heavy concrete that passed as food.*) The redhead looked around and saw three beds: a large-sized bed, a medium-sized bed, and a cute little tiny bed. With a yawn, he walked over to the large bed and climbed on.
"This bed is too hard!" the mysterious stranger complained. "This is not the kind of hardness I want when I'm in bed!" he giggled to himself, being over-tired and making hentai jokes. "I think I'll try the next one." He hopped out of the large-sized bed and sat down on the medium-sized bed...and immediately sank in, causing his feet to stick up in the air over his head.
"Shimatta!" he shouted, "this bed is too soft. And I don't want anything soft in my bed!" he snorted, now becoming quite giddy with exhaustion. "I think I'll try that cute little tiny bed over there."
So the mysterious stranger pulled himself out of the soft bed and staggered over to the cute little tiny bed. Just as he was about to fling himself onto the bed, he caught site of something curled up in a ball already sleeping in the bed. All thoughts of sleep immediately left the redhead's mind and he leered down at the sleeping figure, a huge grin slowly spreading across his face, green eyes twinkling. Hiei slowly uncurled himself and looked up at the mysterious stranger through bleary eyes.
"Who the hell are you?"
"My name is Kurama-locks, and I'm shipwrecked."
"What the hell kinda' name is Kurama-locks?" Hiei asked, rubbing some sleep out of his eye, looking up at the beautiful naked creature before him.
"Well," Kurama-locks purred seductively, sitting down on the edge of the cute little tiny bed, "when I was little I had long curly red hair like locks of spun silk. My 'kaasan called me Kurama-locks so she would always remember that." Hiei squinted his disbelief. Kurama-locks blushed.
"Oh, all right," Kurama-locks confessed. "My family was in the pickled herring and Nova Scotia salmon business before I got shipwrecked, and since I loved lox and bagels so much, my family called me 'Kurama-lox'. There, are you happy now?"
"Sure," Hiei replied. "But how come you suddenly have a New York Jewish accent?"
"Oh, gomen," Kurama-locks stammered, clearing his throat. He leaned a little closer to the fire demon youkai. "So...you live here all by yourself, toots?" Hiei raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, but two other stupid youkai think they live here, too. And don't call me 'toots."
"Ah, sensitive. I like that," Kurama-locks purred, moving even closer to the little fire demon youkai. "Where are they, joy chunks?" Hiei did a double take at Kurama-locks.
"They went to the other side of the island to look for girls. And don't call me 'joy chunks'. My name is Hiei."
"Mmm. Hiei," Kurama-locks whispered, blowing in Hiei's ear. The little fire demon shivered and turned, now nose to nose with the libidinous redhead. Kurama-locks licked his lips and smiled. "Why are you naked?"
"It's hot here. No one wears clothes."
"Mmm, convenient. Saves time," Kurama said, nibbling on Hiei's ear lobe. Hiei frowned.
"Why are you doing that?"
"Because this is the part of the fairytale where I get to have my way with you."
"Oh."
And so Kurama-locks and Hiei proceeded to boink themselves silly all afternoon on the cute little tiny bed...and the hut table...and the rocks under the shade of the spreading palm...and on the shore, getting sand caught...well, getting sand everywhere. Later that evening they both snuggled back onto the cute little tiny bed exhausted from all the boinking and fell into a deep sleep.
Having found no females, again, even on the other side of the island, the large-sized youkai and the medium-sized youkai staggered back home and stumbled into their hut. It certainly didn't look the same as when they left, however.
"Hey, someone's been eating my porridge," Kuwa-chan whined. "It's all gone." He held up the empty bowl. Yuusuke scratched his head.
"Someone's been eating my porridge, too," and held up his empty bowl. "Something's not right here..." Kuwa-chan walked over to his large-sized bed.
"Hey, someone's been sleeping in my bed," Kuwa-chan whined again. Yuusuke took a step back. "Someone's been sleeping in my bed, too." They both looked over at Hiei's cute little tiny bed.
"Hey," they chorused together, "someone's been sleeping in Hiei's bed, too, and he's still there! At least it looks like a 'he'. And he's sleeping with...Hiei?!?"
At the sound of his name, the little fire demon open his sleepy eyes and glared at the other two youkai. "Do you mind?" he growled, and re-snuggled back down with Kurama-locks with a deep, contented sigh. Kurama-locks gave Hiei a smooch on his Jagan and fell back to sleep as well. The other two youkai stared at each other.
"Ewww!!" they sputtered.
And so they all lived happily ever after.
Well, that is, Hiei and Kurama-locks lived happily ever after, enjoying all the pleasures of the flesh that a romantic tropical island lends itself to, and Kuwa-chan and Yuusuke-kun had to settle for cold water-fall showers and hairy palms, since no females ever washed ashore in their lifetimes.
The End, thank Inari!
Copyright 4/19/99 Julie Farel
All characters mentioned in this fairytale are the property of Yuu Yuu Hakusho and are owned by Togashi Yoshihiro, Jump Comics, and Studio Pierrot. 'F.B.N.' stands for Fly By Night. ^,~`