The snow is swirling around your window, as I brush some of the offending frozen water out of my way. Even in this harsh Ningenkai season you call Winter, you still leave your window cracked open for me. I raise the glass just enough to fit through, growling at the icy breeze that has been chasing me, now getting to you faster than I can. Your room feels chilly as I carefully, silently, close your window. You have your quilt pulled up, hiding your face from me. But I see your hair, like a crimson flame on your pillow. And I hear your soft breathing....
My trip took longer than expected and I know that I am late. But I also know that you will wait for my return, as you always do, and greet me with a gentle smile and a warm hug. Warmth. That is what I need from you now.
I remove my damp clothing as quickly as possibly, trying not to wake you, not just yet. My body protests because I am so tired. I could sleep in your arms forever. Your soft lips curl into a sweet smile, as I gently tug at the quilt. Your fist is holding onto the material so tightly, that I'm afraid to pull it too hard for fear of waking you.
Are you dreaming of our time together? Should I remove my bandana and let my Jagon invade your peaceful sleep? No, not this time. I'm afraid of what I might find.
I haven't told you this - I haven't gotten up the courage - but I want to spend the rest of my life with you, in whatever form you take, in whatever world you choose.
If it meant giving up my life to spend one last day with you, I would do it, without thinking twice.
Not being able to see you, to touch you, to feel your body next to mine, everyday, drives me insane. It's something I would have never fathomed, such a short time ago. I count the minutes, the seconds, we are apart, and my heart feels as if it will burst until I can see you again.
I want to look at you, watch your every move, study your features to understand where your love for me comes from. For it is still a mystery to me, a dream from which I never want to wake.
I move silently towards you and begin to carefully unbutton your pajama top. I need to feel your skin against mine. I slide the confining fabric from your body. You sigh in your slumber, your lips parting ever so slightly.
I lay my body against yours, resting my ear to your chest...
I listen to the beat that I have come to recognize as surely as my own. I press my forehead against your chin, feeling your sweet breath float across my face. I look up again to see your eyes moving under their lovely lids, see your mouth twitch as if you are speaking in your sleep, asking. I'll give you what you ask for, kitsune, and more, but not just yet. I try to imagine what or of whom you are dreaming.
And I pray to whatever God you believe in that it is me who is filling your unconscious thoughts, making you smile in your sleep.
I watch your angelic face, and gently touch my rough hand to your smooth cheek. You lean into my caress and sigh. I lift myself so my face is almost touching yours, and kiss your closed eyes, feeling the soft, silky lashes lightly brush my lips.
I wish I could freeze time, lock this moment away, and stay like this forever.
I fight against sleep, curse it, don't want it to take hold of me, can't let it defeat me this way. But then I feel your arms reach up and surround me in a sleepy embrace that I can't help but close my eyes.
How dare sleep rob me of the precious moments I have to see your smile, to watch your emerald jewels sparkle in laughter, to notice the tiny lines around your eyes as your face lights up whenever you look at me.
What is sleep that it can steal away the sensuous feel of your mouth upon mine?
I let my hand wander over the smoothness of your chest, feeling the rise and fall of your steady breathing. My hand drifts to the place I know so well. I don't want that right now. But as I caress you I know I will desperately need that later.
I let my body mold into yours once more, reaching my arms to hug you around the neck, kissing the hollow of your throat, tasting the delicious saltiness my breath has created. I hear you moan in your sleep as your arms tighten around me. I feel the heat of your body warming us both this time, as I reach over and lift the quilt to wrap us in a lover's cocoon. And for the first time this evening I allow my mind to drift towards slumber, as I feel myself return your sleeping smile, still fighting sleep, still never wanting this moment to end.
The End
Copyright 1998 Julie Farel
"I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" property of Aerosmith.
Yu Yu Hakusho property of Togashi Yashihiro, Jump Comics, and Studio Pierrot.