The Humor of LDotters



Introduction

LDotters are a humorous group. They also have good senses of humor. After laughing and laughing for a long time, I eventually started saving a few of the more humorous posts on Lucianne.com. I save a lot of stuff (O.K., O.K. It's a character flaw. I admit it.) I save more than I need to save and less than I need when I actually go to look for things. I began saving a few threads back in 2001, but in 2002 the saving snowball began to accelerate. I began to put things into different categories to access them more quickly and efficiently. Unfortunately I did not begin to specifically have a category for or save many of the humorous posts until years had passed.

I missed saving, for example, almost all of the hilarious posts from 2002 and 2003--what many recall as one of the golden ages of LDot. (I say ''one of'' because there are surely more to come.) This was the time of Carp TV and Standing Wolf's imaginary bigrealcat (who actually posted under her own screen name) and the Haagen-Daz diet. We were regaled with the hilarity of WeenerDog and Wookie, as well as the dry wit of BignJames. Sorting through my files, I fail to find any threads that preserved any of the episodes of Carp TV, nor do any seem to appear through a Google search. (The quality of Carp TV varied, but some episodes were very, very good.) The antics of Standing Wolf's bigrealcat survive in the Politics and Friends forum, a spinoff from Lucianne that began in January of 2002. There he still raises dwindle bears, talks about the happiest state of the Union (Idaho-ho-ho), and has his own names for the days of the week (e.g., thirsty day, shatter day, etc.).

A quick look yielded this fairly typical bigrealcat post:

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the best way to put a two legger map back together is to throw it out outer outest the window because lots of two legger maps get printed upside down and sideways and every other which way and besides on top of that moreover in addition besides ive been thinking about just flying to florida and im sure not going to ride in any more pick me up trucks because they keep going the wrong wronger wrongest way

ill see you pretty soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NObama

bye bye bye

the big real dangerous cat





The humor of Wookie, WeenerDog, and BignJames would be sprinkled throughout, as in:



Reply 2 - Posted by: Wookie, 5/7/2006 10:44:20 PM

Q: Why does NY have all the lawyers and NJ has all the toxic dump sites?
A: NJ got first choice.

Reply 101 - Posted by: Wookie, 2/12/2006 8:12:41 PM

Did you hear about the three economists who went quail hunting? They
saw a quail, and the first economist shot at him, but he missed a yard to
the right. Then the second economist shot, and he missed a yard to the
left.
''Hooray,'' the third economist shouted. ''We got him.''

Light Bulb Believed Made by Edison Stolen
Associated Press, by Staff

Original Article

Posted By:Wookie, 2/17/2006 4:50:47 PM

CRESTWOOD, Ky. — It was hidden in a shoe box inside a drawer, but the burglar who stumbled upon it must have thought the ancient-looking light bulb was worth something. The light bulb's owner said it was probably made by Thomas Edison, who is credited with developing a long-burning filament that made the incandescent light bulb marketable.

Comments:

After Edison created the first light bulb, he leaned over the small glowing object and shouted, ''Doctor Watson, come here, I want you!''




Dachshund cleared of dangerous dog charge
Telegraph (London, UK), by Richard Holt

Original Article

Posted By:Photoonist, 9/20/2007 12:57:10 AM

A woman has appeared in court after her tiny sausage dog allegedly nipped the ankle of her neighbour, leaving him ''inconsolable'' - despite the fact that it didn't leave a mark on his skin. Newcastle Magistrates' Court was told landscape gardener Shawn Anderson was left unharmed but traumatised after a Miniature Dachshund ran yapping around his ankles.

Comments:


Reply 11 - Posted by: WeenerDog, 9/20/2007 11:47:27 AM

For some reason I felt that the vindication of the sausage dog was one of the truly great legal decisions of all time. Did my heart good. Now to go chew on some shoes...




Evangelical trend by Latinos
could impact politics
San Jose Mercury News, by Kim Vo

Original Article

Posted By:JoniTx, 4/26/2007 4:05:41 PM

From speaking in tongues to believing in modern-day miracles, a growing number of Latinos prefer a charismatic style of worship that is altering church services across America.Although two-thirds of Hispanics are Roman Catholic in the United States, a small but growing number are converting to evangelical Protestanism. Those shifting allegiances, according to a major new study of the nation's fastest-growing ethnic group, may have political ramifications.

Comments:

Reply 8 - Posted by: WEENERDOG, 4/26/2007 5:25:55 PM

Speaking in tongues? Does that mean that they might spontaneously speak in English?

Reply 7 - Posted by: WeenerDog, 8/16/2007 5:21:03 PM

You know how a cannibal surrenders?

He throws up his arms!






There have been many great threads over the years. Sometimes even the titles are a bit out of the ordinary:

Airlines workers sacrifice camel at airport
Alaska Moose Brings Down Helicopter
Biker's penis hit by lightning
Dog Performs 'Heimlich' on Choking Owner
Dwarf superglues todger to hoover
Gay cops told not to sway hips
Grandmother had the only cake in the contest - and still came second
Herring Break Wind to Communicate, Study Suggests
Husband Shoots Pet Chicken, Wife Shoots Husband
Lonely man brought donkey to hotel room, court told
Man Accused of Biting Off Wife's Lip After She Called Him Short
Man Hit in Head by Train for Second Time
Man sues over loss of frozen cat bodies
Man questioned over sheep in car
Police chase armless, one-legged driver
Sorry we ate your forefathers
Two charged in cutting off man’s ears waive hearing



I haven’t had the opportunity to sort through many of the files that I have saved, but I’ve picked out a few that may give you a hint of the sense of humor that Ldotters have. These aren’t necessarily the best. They are just the first that I’ve come across. Perhaps I’ll have time soon to look through the files and get a better selection. In the meantime, I hope that this tip of the iceberg will cause you to smile.






After cougar terrorizes a terrier,
Riley the bulldog saves the day
The Bulletin [Bend, OR], by Yoko Minoura

Original Article

Posted By:Tygerlily, 1/23/2008 1:20:49 PM

When Bob Daugherty pulled into the driveway of his La Pine home Tuesday morning, he saw something he won’t soon forget. A 7-foot, 115-pound cougar had jumped the fence into his backyard. As he watched from the driveway, the big cat swiped at his female Staffordshire terrier, Sage. His other dog, a male American bulldog named Riley, raced to Sage’s defense, Daugherty said. Riley faced down the cougar, driving it back a few steps before the big cat turned tail and climbed a tree in the yard.
Comments:

Reply 6 - Posted by: Obxtube, 1/23/2008 1:59:53 PM

President Bush was in Arkansas and was presented with two baby Arkansas Razorback pigs. He was on his way back to Air Force One with a piglette under each arm when the squared away Marine popped off a pefect salute. The President responded with "I'm sorry Marine." He put down one of the piglettes and returned the Marine's salute, then picked up the piglette saying "Look what I just got for Senator Clinton and Speaker Pelosi." The Marine, still holding his perfect salute responded "Excellent trade, Sir!"

10,000 Wildebeest Drown
in Migration ''Pileup''
National Geographic, by Blake de Pastino

Original Article

Posted By:Photoonist, 10/2/2007 2:54:20 PM

In a bizarre mishap that conservationists describe as ''heartbreaking,'' an estimated 10,000 wildebeest have drowned while attempting to cross Kenya's Mara River during an annual migration. The deaths, which occurred over the course of several days last week, are said to account for about one percent of the total species population. (Snip) ''There was no unusual flooding at the time, and there seems to be no extraneous circumstances to these deaths''
Comments:

Reply 3 - Posted by: rocket-j-squirrel, 10/2/2007 3:00:32 PM

This is what passes as gnus?

Accidental grenade explosion kills two Palestinians
APF, by staff

Original Article

Posted By:fobo, 6/28/2006 2:48:26 PM

Two Palestinians were killed and another seven, including a baby, wounded when a grenade accidentally exploded in the southern Gaza Strip. Family members were playing with a grenade in the town of Khan Yunis when it exploded, killing 23-year-old Qassem Massud and his one-year-old niece, medical and security sources said Wednesday.
Comments:

Reply 1 - Posted by: meanwesttexan, 6/28/2006 2:51:11 PM

Premature jihadulation.

Reply 9 - Posted by: Italiano, 6/28/2006 3:05:28 PM

"Allah be praised, Qassem, this device will kill many Jewish puppets of the Great Satan. What does this little ring represent?"

Reply 20 - Posted by: wacko, 6/28/2006 3:46:53 PM

It's what soccer fans call an "own goal."



Gay themes grab hold
Variety, by DAVID S. COHEN

Original Article

Posted By:mrdj, 12/13/2005 6:38:43 PM

It's red meat for the culture warriors. This year's Globe noms highlight a year in which lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender characters played major roles in crossover titles.
Comments:

Reply 30 - Posted by: Engraved-on-His-hands, 12/13/2005 11:02:47 PM

There is one outright kissing scene, but the rest is innuendo.

innuendo

Given the subject matter, surely a good thesaurus could come up with a different word.

Al-Jazeera buys Welsh sheep show
BBC [UK], by Staff

Original Article

Posted By:NorthernDog, 4/4/2006 7:07:49 AM

A Welsh-language children's show featuring musical sheep is to be shown on Arabic TV channel al-Jazeera. The Middle East broadcaster has brought the rights to screen 52 episodes of S4C's The Baaas, as well as the Welsh children's show Sali Mali.
Comments:

Reply 1 - Posted by: simple simon, 4/4/2006 7:17:09 AM

I think they consider this soft-porn in many arab countries...

Reply 9 - Posted by: droopydog, 4/4/2006 9:45:21 AM

In arabic, the name of the show translates roughly to "The Dating Game".

Reply 13 - Posted by: baja_ha, 4/4/2006 2:12:42 PM

Q: Why do Arabs wear those long nightshirt thingies?

A: A sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.



Barr picked as Libertarian
presidential candidate
Associated Press, by Staff

Original Article

Posted By:Photoonist, 5/25/2008 7:16:57 PM

Denver - The Libertarian Party has picked former Republican Rep. Bob Barr to be its presidential candidate after six rounds of balloting. The party is meeting in Denver. Barr beat research scientist Mary Ruwart, who was the party's presidential nominee in 1983 and vice presidential candidate in 1992.
Comments:

Reply 7 - Posted by: carl todd hand, 5/25/2008 8:49:34 PM

"Barr beat research scientist Mary Ruwart, who was the party's presidential nominee in 1983 and vice presidential candidate in 1992."

The ultimate in free market theory ... run for president in a non-election year (1983) ...

Obama Practices
Looking-Off-Into-Future Pose
The Onion, by Staff

Original Article

Posted By:Photoonist, 5/29/2008 4:24:29 PM

Chicago - As the 2008 presidential election draws closer, Democrat Barack Obama has reportedly been working tirelessly with his top political strategists to perfect his looking-off-into-the-future pose, which many believe is vital to the success of the Illinois senator's campaign. When performed correctly, the pose involves Obama standing upright with his back arched and his chest thrust out (Snip) Advisers say this creates the illusion that Obama is looking forward to a bright future
Comments:

Reply 5 - Posted by: Slick Meister, 5/29/2008 4:37:23 PM

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle,
a doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to Barack Obama and his bid to be our President.

The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a 'post turtle'.'
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was. The old rancher said,

'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top,
that's a 'post turtle'.'

The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.

'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there
and you just wonder what kind of idiot put him up there to begin with.'



New threat to our way
of life: giant pythons
San Francisco Chronicle [CA], by Steve Rubenstein

Original Article

Posted By:JoniTx, 2/21/2008 4:45:28 PM

In addition to everything else to worry about, now comes the Burmese python. The giant snakes are slithering from Florida toward the Bay Area, very slowly to be sure, but inexorably. And they can strangle and eat an entire alligator. (Snip) It also said the reptile, which prefers to swallow its prey in one gulp, is "highly adaptable to new environments" and cannot be stopped.
Comments:

Reply 3 - Posted by: sternben, 2/21/2008 4:56:26 PM

The good news is they eat liberals and pee gasoline.

Treasure trove found in
500-year-old shipwreck off Africa
Associated Press, by Donna Bryson


Original Article

Posted By:Gazoo, 5/2/2008 9:41:36 AM

JOHANNESBURG, South Africa - The ship was laden with tons of copper ingots, elephant tusks, gold coins — and cannons to fend off pirates. But it had nothing to protect it from the fierce weather off a particularly bleak stretch of inhospitable African coast, and it sank 500 years ago. Now it has been found, stumbled upon by De Beers geologists prospecting for diamonds off Namibia. "If you're mining on the coast, sooner or later you'll find a wreck," archaeologist Dieter Noli said in an interview Thursday.
Comments:

Reply 2 - Posted by: Halfgenius, 5/2/2008 10:04:10 AM

Aye! Be it pirate treasure and if it found in shallow water then one could say that booty is only shin deep!



Microsoft unveils new
touchscreen Windows
The Times [London], by Jonathan Richards

Original Article

Posted By:Photoonist, 5/28/2008 10:53:18 PM

Microsoft is signalling the end of the mouse with its latest operating system, which aims to build on the success of its rival Apple's iPhone touch screen. Windows 7 will allow PC users to touch, rather than point and click, in a move which indicates that the world’s most influential software company believes that the days of the keyboard-mouse combination are coming to an end.
Comments:

Reply 10 - Posted by: david999, 5/29/2008 8:25:52 AM

The new operating system will be called "Windows Smudge"

Congressional Quarterly 2006 Election Forecast Map
Congressional Quarterly Inc. , by Staff

Original Article

Posted By:Gray Ghost, 6/29/2006 10:29:21 PM

Congressional Quarterly projects Republicans to win House by 224 seats to Democrats 202. In the Senate, Republicans projected to win 54 seats to Democrats 45.
Comments:

Reply 1 - Posted by: TunnelRat, 6/29/2006 10:48:59 PM

Interesting...

How reliable is this site?

Reply 5 - Posted by: Engraved-on-His-hands, 6/29/2006 11:42:57 PM

#1: I visit it on a regular basis. It's one of the better sites for campaign information.

As far as reliability, here is a scale from most reliable to least reliable:

1. Confirmed election results
2. Rasmussen polls
3. Me
4. Mason-Dixon polls
5. Coin flips
6. Survey USA
7. Congressional Quarterly
8. Zippy the monkey
9. HollywoodBill
10. Aunt Bertha's rheumatism
11. Wild guesses
12. Landshark
13. CNN/USA Today
14. NBC
15. NY Times
16. Democrat assessment before election day
17. CBS
18. Zogby
19. Dick Morris
20. Democrat assessment after election day

I hope that this helps.

Reply 7 - Posted by: HollywoodBill, 6/30/2006 12:07:21 AM

Please. I beat that monkey every time. Polls mean very little at this time other than to give some very general trends and to possibly help candidates know where they're weak. But since it's pretty useless to follow races where there is no competitive race, such as California's Senatorial race this year, it narrows the scope of one's reading.

For example, even though Rasmussen has Casey beating Santorum by 15% as of right now, it becomes fascinating, if you're into these things, to watch what a candidate is doing to make the changes necessary to win. Santorum won't lose by 15%, but is unlikely to win either. The dynamics can be interesting.

Watching the races is fun because it sets the tone for the party. What wins and what loses will be turning up in 08. And that's what's fun.

Reply 19 - Posted by: voxpop, 6/30/2006 8:57:15 AM

"Please. I beat that monkey every time. "

Really, #7, we didn't need to know that.



Cop: Robber left name on job application
Associated Press, by Staff

Original Article

Posted By:Photoonist, 4/6/2008 4:06:58 PM

Athens, Ga. -- Police say they got a major clue to the identity of a suspect in the armed robbery of a convenience store - his job application. Investigators in Athens, Ga., say Demetrius Robinson filled out the application to kill time while waiting for the Golden Pantry store to empty of customers. Authorities say it was Robinson who then produced a knife and held up the store last week. The job application gave Robinson's name and an uncle's phone number...

Comments:
I suppose he figured that there were a lot of other people named ''Demetrius Robinson'' in the area and the police would be confused. ;-)

Reply 1 - Posted by: Mimsy, 4/6/2008 4:22:23 PM

I don't think that they should hire him. Could be a lot of trouble./s

Reply 3 - Posted by: thelmalou, 4/6/2008 4:30:22 PM

HAHAHAHAAHAHAA God love him. He wuz tryin' to do good...he let all the customers leave. hahahahahahaaa