WHAT DO MEN WANT?
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I don’t think Freud ever asked this question, but he should have. As a woman, I have been eternally confounded by the Y chromosome and its mysterious ways, so when I began my "What Do Women Want?" project, I also began asking men what they want too. Again, I was surprised, impressed and mystified by the results. I noted recurring themes, some of them very much in common with women’s wants… and some very much uncommon. I suppose my conclusions, such as they are, can be described as follows: women and men are more alike than many of us would care to admit, and women and men are VERY interesting creatures. The following "poetry" was composed by yours truly using only the words and phrases spoken or written to me by many men of all ages. I have used their words alone or in combination. The number in parentheses after each title represents the total number of responses used in the corresponding text. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the adventure. I surely did.
Come on and meet the guys...
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A RECURRING THEME
(7) |
SEX
WOMEN
SEX AND MONEY
SEX
BL*WJOBS
HONESTY AND AFFECTION
GRATIFICATION
MORE MONEY STRONGER WHISKEY FASTER CARS YOUNGER WOMEN
THE BIG BANG THE BEST FRIEND THE PERFECT TACO
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THE SAILOR
(1) |
Fair winds. Light seas. A good boat. And a first mate who doesn't bitch.
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IN THE LONG RUN…
(1) |
Men generally do not think about what
they want --
BUT…in the long run…
world peace a cure for cancer a cure for heart disease an empathetic life companion a community not built on hate and distrust perpetual good physical condition available quality baby sitting a clean, safe environment the Religious Right to go away a really good bass boat complete with fish
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UNTITLED I
(6) |
EVERYTHING
ANYTHING THEY CAN GET
THEIR CAKE, AND TO EAT IT TOO
WHATEVER THEY CAN GET
WHATEVER THEY CAN GET FOR FREE
EVERYTHING
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THE OBVIOUS ANSWER
(1) |
Men want to know What women want |
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TO BE OR NOT TO BE
(8) |
To be told the truth. To be told they're right. To be right. To be MEN.
Not to be trod upon. Not to be rejected. Not to be judged. Not to be weak.
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MEN WANT
(1) |
Acceptance.
Men want to be accepted by both sexes. This means, oftentimes, putting on a façade.
Men want other men to see them as equals. Therefore you get the macho's or overzealous types.
Men want To be perceived as strong, Emotionally And physically.
(Note the high number of pickup trucks With gun racks. These belong to men Almost exclusively.)
Men hate To be different. Individuality is Discouraged. Men want
Acceptance.
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A PLEASANT STORY
(1) |
I want a goodlooking woman to let me make dinner for her. I want her to love what I cook. We will then watch a good movie and snuggle on the couch while drinking some cheap wine. After that, I want to sit and tell her my life story from the beginning. And I want her to tell me it's the most interesting tale she's ever heard. Then, she'll tell me her life story from the beginning. It will be a great story. Then, we will go for a walk. Come back. Snuggle and sleep. Wake up.
She will call me in three days and ask if she can come over to my house and do the same for me. This will continue for two years. Then, we will move in together. It will be perfect. In another two years, we will marry. Did I mention that this woman has a terrific pair of boobs?
This is what I want from a woman. Beyond that, I want to write a good song that I'm really proud of one day. I want to finish this stupid PH.D. And I want a decent job that doesn't require a drug test or force me to become a corporate asshole who sucks up to his paranoid boss. Me and boob woman will one day retire to our private island in the Caribbean, which I bought from the royalties from my one good song, which was recorded by Willie Nelson. |
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YO!
(6) |
Irresponsible Sunday afternoons With football Beer Potato chips Easy chairs And easy women.
Good sex Comfortable shoes And a warm place to take a dump.
Happiness And a babe With big bodacious ta-ta's.
To catch The biggest goddamned fish In the world.
Someone who won't bitch When I don't do The dishes.
A remote control in one hand A cold beer in the other And a game on TV. Oh yeah…and to be loved.
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VOICES FROM NYC
(6) |
I’ll have a Budweiser, thanks!
Mommy
A job
Sons and lovers
Power and dominance over everything
A very attractive woman Who looks good in her underwear And can make a twenty foot jump shot… I call her "Bo Cheeks" |
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UNTITLED II
(5) |
nice car nice clothes good food good woman lots of money
tweed pants with a little stripe down the side and vests lots of vests and hats
a new bicycle
a good ball game
a warm place
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THE PURSUIT OF…
(6) |
happiness / peace / money / companionship / challenge
happiness / love / respect / understanding
happiness / success / beautiful things
happiness / understanding/respect
happiness / companionship
happiness |
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MYSTICS
(5) |
life
spiritual growth redemption renewal of life
resurrection
a supernatural experience
nirvana |
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SONGWRITERS
(2) |
SUCCESS WITHOUT THE WAIT SATISFACTION WITHOUT THE PAIN AND A WOMAN WHO IS AS INTO IT AS HE IS
PEACE ON EARTH TO LOVE AND BE LOVED BUT WE'D RATHER BE FISHING AND HUNTING WITH THE GUYS
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UNTITLED III
(4) |
Adventure.
Worthy companionship and a satisfactory degree of adventure.
Direction out of the chaos. To walk the tension wire between challenge and comfort.
Control |
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DADDY SAYS
(my father) |
For my loved ones Wife Children Grandchildren To stay in good health And lead happy lives
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ABOVE ALL
(2) |
above all, above all,
to have a fair share a slice of the pie a piece of the rock
to spit out the window of your car and not have the wind blow it back in your face
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SERIOUSLY
(1) |
Sex. But seriously, money. Because with money I can get Sex.
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SIMPLE NEEDS
(1) |
a place for my stuff a warm body to lie next to at night a microbus and for everyone in the world to pause for five seconds and take a deep breath all… at… once…
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WHAT I WANT
(1) |
Not to be judged by my appearance.
To meet a completely bizarre girl Who can be her own person But Can be my best friend.
A pet black panther.
To grow stronger each day Mentally Physically Spiritually.
More tattoos.
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IDEALISTS
(8) |
independence love security freedom the chance to do what they dream of
for women to be submissive to them constantly
to wake up each day and decide what they want to be
to be like frank sinatra in every way
something different every day
closeness to the land
no regrets
the moon
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PRAGMATISTS
(13) |
A GIRL THAT DOESN'T GET PREGNANT / BIG MAC, FRIES, AND A COKE / GIRLS WHO PLAY PINBALL/ FINANCIAL SECURITY / AN INTELLIGENT, REASONABLY ATTRACTIVE, FAIRLY WELL- EDUCATED WOMAN / A NEW WARDROBE / A PEANUT BUTTER AND BACON SANDWICH WITH A DR. PEPPER / TORN LACE, FREE TOASTERS, AND THEIR OWN TUPPERWARE / LUNCH / AN OLD LADY WHO REALLY LIKES ME / LONGER HAIR / A MILLION DOLLARS / NOT TO BE PICKED ON BY A BUNCH OF FEMINISTS / SANITY |
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BOYS
(5) |
age 7 months: milk to have their tummies rubbed
age 7 years...............to play
age 8 years...............a new bike
age 9 years...............to play video games ....................................to ride bikes ....................................to drive a car
age 15 years..............[grunt]
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UNTITLED VII
(6) |
PEACE ON EARTH
PEACE AND QUIET
PEACE OF MIND
INNER PEACE
WAR
PEACE…they just don't know it
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THE PHILOSOPHY DEPARTMENT
(6) |
ACCEPTANCE
SELF CONTROL DISCIPLINE
JOB FAMILY SECURITY
POWER MONEY
RELATIONSHIP
HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW? |
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GROWN UPS
(9) |
acceptance
to understand and be understood
honesty
security and acceptance
support
a college education for both of my kids and when the kids are gone to have a life with my wife
to live so that I’m not driven by unfulfilled desires… a degree of recognition by my peers… accomplishment of something which will remain after I’m gone
peace in relationships serenity within myself satisfaction with personal accomplishments
fulfillment |
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THE LAST WORD
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I DON’T THINK MEN KNOW WHAT THEY WANT… |
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Text Copyright Ditty Hagardorn
1998
all rights reserved