• ~ One More Whore And We Get Gore
• ~ HONK! If you had sex with the President
• ~ Kennedy = Camelot Clinton = Lie-a-lot
• ~ Al Gore: One heartthrob from the Presidency
• ~ Bill Clinton: Commander in Heat
• ~ My President Slept with Your Honor Student
• ~ Jail to the Chief
• ~ Today kids no longer play doctor, they play President
• ~ If his private life doesn't matter, let him date your daughter.

THANKS TO PRESIDENT CLINTON, STAFF SGT. FRUER NOW HAS A SON
The Arkansas Plainsman

CLINTON PLACES DICKEY IN GORE'S HANDS
Bangor Maine News

STARR AGHAST AT FIRST LADY SEX POSITION
The Washington Times

CLINTON STIFF ON WITHDRAWAL
The Bosnia Bugle

A movie has been made about the Clinton administration.
It is rumored to be already completed.
All that is left is to figure out the title of the movie.

Here are some candidates for the title:

* Citizen Stain * Prince of Ties * The Bad News Bares * Dumb and Dumber Two * Lady and the Tramp * The Hoarse Whisperer * Apackolies Now * Dial M for Monica * Willy Wonka and the Cigar Factory * Saving Clinton's Privates * President Dolittle * Easy Liar * All the President's Women * Hip, Hip, Beret * The Lying King * Free Willy

* Terms of Impeachment * All's Well That Ends * The Wizard of Odds * Driving Miss Monica * A Bra Too Far * Tie Panic * Independent Counsel Day * The Six Commandments * Nightmare on Pennsylvania Avenue * Neither an Officer Nor A Gentleman * The Full Monica * President on a Hot Tin Roof * Red Faced in October * Honey, I Shrunk the Presidency * The Me Lie Massacre * Bedtime for Bubba

HELPING OUT THE PRESIDENT

A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving." He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?"

The Officer replies, "The President is just so depressed about the impeachment thing he stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking round taking up a collection for him".

"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"

"So far only about a hundred gallons but I've got a lot of folks still siphoning."

"Top Nine Names Clinton has for his _____"

1. The White House staff.
2. His tiny advisor
3. The Nuclear Button
4. The Executive Branch
5. The Little POLLSTER
6. His Soft contribution
7. His pocket Veto
8. The Secret Servicer
9. Little Rock

See If You Can Answer These Questions
(Answers Below)

1. Which president smoked marijuana with a nude playgirl while he joked about being too wasted to "push the button" in case of nuclear attack?

2. Which president allegedly had affairs with both a winner AND a finalist in the Miss America pageant?

3. Which president had sex with one of his secretaries stretched out atop a desk in the oval office?

4. Which president allegedly had an affair (as well as children) with a slave who was his wife's half sister?

5. Which president called his mistress "Pookie"?

6. Which president married a woman who hadn't yet divorced her first husband, and was branded an "adulterer" during his re-election campaign?

7. Which future president wrote love letters to his neighbor's wife while he was engaged to someone else?

8. Which president had a torrid affair with the first lady's personal secretary?

9. Which president had sex with a young woman in a White House coat closet - at one point, while a secret service agent prevented the hysterical first lady from attacking them?

10. Which president had sex in a closet while telling his partner about the *other* president who did the same in a closet?

11. Which vice president was ticked off because he felt that HIS record of sexual conquests was much more "impressive" (i.e. numerous) than the President's?

12. Which future president, while a college student, enjoyed showing off his penis (which he named Jumbo)?

ANSWERS

1. John F. Kennedy
2. Bill Clinton
3. Lyndon B. Johnson
4. Thomas Jefferson
5. Bill Clinton
6. Andrew Jackson
7. George Washington, Lyndon B. Johnson
8. Franklin D. Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy
9. Warren G. Harding
10. John F. Kennedy
11. Lyndon B. Johnson
12. Lyndon B. Johnson

History lesson:

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both were shot in the head.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners.
Both successors were named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names comprise fifteen letters.

Booth ran from the theatre and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theatre.

Booth and Oswald were both assassinated before their trials.

A week before Lincoln was shot he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot he was in Marilyn Monroe.

Hmmmmmmmm

1.The reason it's always so difficult for this president to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is because it's usually three different stories.....Sam Donaldson.
2. If the president could convince every woman in America that the Bible says oral sex is not adultery, he'd even have my vote....Newt Gingrich
3.What's wrong with extending my probe? The president did the same thing...Kenneth Starr
4.The special prosecutor is asking me to give oral testimony to the entire Grand Jury...Monica Lewinsky
5.Shouldn't the president be held to the same standard as a TV Sportcaster?....Marv Albert
6.The president should promise to spend the rest of his life trying to find the real person
who had oral sex with the intern...OJ Simpson
7. If I had to spend all day trying to find jobs for every bimbo who swore she didn't have sex with the president, I'd never get any of my own work done....Vernon Jordan
8.Practicing safe sex in the Clinton White House means making sure the door is locked....George Stephanopoulos