Introduction:

I started typing it on half-length pages of paper on a manual typewriter that was rather old even then. The project got set aside for a number of years, and then I ran across it again and picked up where I left off. So it's been through a lot. It's also been on the web before. I hope you enjoy this version.

Many of the storylines end after only 4 or 5 decisions, you'd be doing fine to last for 7 or 8 decisions, and if you make the right choices early on, you may stumble upon the branch that will let you last for 10 or even up to 15 decisions! Of course, some of the shorter stories have happy, funny, or harmlessly weird endings, so don't feel bad if you don't get very far -- just use your "back" button to go back and start all over!

Of course, I have a pretty wild imagination, so if you start reading and clicking on those page links to find out what will happen next, just remember I warned you... you've fallen into the clutches of

The Mad Storyteller!

Bwah hah hah hah haaaa!

You're doomed!

Hey! Come back here! It'll be fun!

Let me know if you spot any typos (send e-mail to david.bump and be sure to add the @att.net on the end).

Oh, by the way, do try to avoid the giant octopus...

While you are trying to recover from that odd sight, another person walks by in the other direction, carrying an umbrella, but HE is wearing a rubber diving suit!

That does it! You're not about to sit around there just eating hot cereal any longer! You've just got to follow one of those men. But which one? The man without the umbrella went to page two, the man in the diving suit is on page three.

You can stay outside on page four, or think about how to get in on page six.

Turn left to page five, turn right to page seven, or turn back by jumping ahead to page nine.

Stand up and be counted on page eight, or remain a silent minority on page ten.

Step right up to the door and knock on page twelve, or sneak on over to page thirteen.

A fairly simple choice, isn't it? But the wrong decision could have grave censequences! Mua ha ha ha!

MUA HA HA HA HAAA...

They all turn and stare at you with curiously blank eyes.

"Do you people know what's going on here?"

But instead of replying, the people quickly surround you and grab you with vise-like grips and practically carry you into the house! They take you through many dark, twisting passages and finally enter a room that is obviously the laboratory of a mad scientist! Standing in the midst of the weird equipment is the man you were following, and he is frowning darkly.

"All right, you can let him go now." he growls.
Is he actually friendly, or should you try to escape?

You think that the entrance is not far, so maybe you should try to dig your way out on page eighteen. But there was air in the cavern, and the left passage looked promising -- you could go to page twenty and see if it's safe. Or maybe the right passage is the right way to go. Who knows? You can find out on page seven.

It's your choice, so think carefully, even if thinking about it probably won't help anyway!

Well, how about it, Hero? Are you going to stick around and experiment on page twenty-one, or are you too pooped for a party this wild? If so, ask to go home on page twenty three.

It's your choice: give yourself up to the nice, weird people on page twenty-two, or run for it on page twenty-four.

THE END.

When it comes, you almost miss it. You finally realize that you are no longer moving, but it is still so dark that you can't see a thing.

Now what are you going to do? Risk the terrors that may lie in wait in the darkness ahead? Or would you prefer to just sit there and see what happens, if any thing?

Either you can grope ahead to page twenty-five, or you can go to page twenty-six and just sit there.

You let go of the window ledge, but instead or dropping to the floor, you fall into a vat of liquid!

Weirdly, as soon as you bob to the surface, you float up into the air and through the window!

Eeeek!

but then you see a hairy hand holding the other end of it!

There seems to be a small dilemma here. Should you hang on and meet ol' Hairyhand on page twenty-seven, or let go and hope you don't float up to the stratosphere on page twenty-nine?

AAAAAAugh! Absolute nothingness!

... Oh, sorry, I lost the original page 14. Hang, on, I'll re-write it. Hope I remember it right. Fortunately, I kept notes... Let's see... Ah, yes...

You see a shack not far away. It is small and old, dirty and decaying. At first you are certain that it is completely deserted, but then you see a glimmer of light from the bottom of a window, as if a light is shining from under a window shade that doesn't quite reach to the bottom of the window.

Hmmmmmm, verrrrrrry innnnnteresting. But also perhaps dangerous. Ah, according to my notes, you are supposed to get the following choice: either wait here and see what happens, or go and check the shack up close.

So, to wait, go to page thirty. To sneak up to the shack, sneak to page twenty-eight.

(By the way, can you say "Check the shack" five times quickly? Really? How quickly?)

Sounds like a pretty good deal, doesn't it? You can join the professor on page thirty-one, but if you don't mind never finding out what's going on here, skip to page 23.

Fortunately, your diving equipment includes a very sharp knife. But what is the best way to use it? Should you use it to saw off the arm that's holding you, or wait until it drags you close enough to stab it's head?

It's your choice, and you had better make the right one. Start sawing that arm off quick on page thirty-three, or bide your time until the last minute and hope you can kill it before it chomps down on you with it's gaping beak on page thirty five!

Of course, you're not too thrilled with the options you have, but you might as well try to guess the lesser of two evils. Sub-basement, page thirty-four; the attic, page thirty-six.

(You can yell on page 37, or go back through the cave on page 39.)

Bam!

Continuing on, you soon become completely lost in the maze of corridors, stairs, and winding passageways. You pause for a moment, breathing hard, and listen carefully for sounds of pursuit. There are none. But then you hear a deep voice whispering to you from behind a door that is opened just a crack. "Quick! Come in here with me!" The Voice says. Should you trust whoever (or Whatever!) it is? Or do you think you would rather try to find your own way out?

The Voice in the room is on page 38, the Rest of the Mansion is on page 40.

You can chose to:
1: Just give yourself up on page 41.
2: Turn back toward the cave and try to escape that way, on page 43.
3: Dive for the water that is nearby and hope you can get deep enough under water to be safe before you get shot on page 45.

"Hot cereal!" he replies.

Yuck! The food you love to hate most. You politely ask to leave, and the professor politely shows you the way out.

It is a dull and disappointing ending to what looked like an exciting adventure. Then you remember that you forgot about finding out how the professor stayed dry in the rain without an umbrella. You take one look back at the creepy old mansion, and then decide that maybe dull endings aren't so bad after all.

Yep, that's

The END.

Have you noticed how reallv strange they are? Their wet suits are so tight -- maybe that's their skin! And their faces seem to glow with a deep violet light. As they gather around you, they speak in a strange language with squacky, high-pitched voices. Are those antennae sticking up behind their ears?

Hey, listen, maybe these creatures are really fron Outer Space or something! The way they're looking at you, maybe they want to have you for supper -- with you as the main course! So are you going to stay Mr. Nice guy, or are you going to crack some heads and get out of there?

Prisoners go to page 47, fighters go to page 42.

Before you know it, you are surrounded by a dozen of these fishy-looking characters. They quickly march you down to what seems to be a public square on the edge of the fantastic city. A group of extra-large fishmen there are standing around one who is wearing a tall cap that seems to be made of glittering fish scales. One of your captors whispers sonething to him, and he says in an imperious voice, "We have one law for all trespassers; they may choose to join us freely, or to have their fate decided by the High Council." He looks at you and says, "You must decide now!"

Well, pal, what'll it be? You wanna become a fishperson? Would-be gill-breathers go to page 46. Wanna be your own lawyer before a council of weirdos? Proceed to page 49. Nice choices, huh?

When you try crawling and feeling the floor ahead, it is cold an damp, and you wonder if' you are about to stick your hand into somethlng really disgusting, like something that's dead and moldy.

And what about rats? Oooh, you wish you hadn't thought of that possibility.

And then it happens! You touch something... hairy!

It isn't a rat, though, it's ... a massive arm! Your hand freezes there, but the arm doesn't move. Is it dead? No, it is warm, and now you hear the slow breathing of someone (something?) sleeping.

Now what?

Good question, eh? Here's a couple answers: You could try to move quietly around Ol' Hairy arm and not wake him (it?) up -- page 44 -- or you might hope that this large person (?) could be helpful, and wake the owner of the arm up on page 48.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Had enough? Yes? Then I'll let you go to page 25 after all. Have fun groping. Oh, there is one other alternative -- you could just wait: keep reading this page until you die of old age or go kookoo, whichever comes first!

BWAH HAH HAH HAAAAA!

In a couple seconds, the hairy hand and its mate haul the curtain and you back inside. The rest of the guy is even scarier-looking than his hands! He's big and pale-faced, with bulgy, blood-shot eyes. He turns his head and stares at you as you bob around in the air at the ceiling.

Having no-one else to turn to, you ask him if he knows any way to get you back to normal. He turns without saying a word, and walks to a cabinet full of bottles of various- colored liquids.

Now that you have the time, (and nothing better to do) you look around and see how very much this room looks like a Mad Scientist's laboratory.

Your new friend (let's call him Igor) returns with a vial of purple, bubbly liquid. He hands it up to you and makes a sign that indicates you should drink it.

Uh, did I say he was your friend? If you really think so, go ahead and drink that stuff (page 52), but if you feel like saying, "No, thank you." then just go to page 50.

Wait! What's that?

You quickly locate an unlocked door, and soon you are standing by the mysterious hole. The hole itself isn't very odd, but as you look down into it, you can see nothing but darkness. Wait... is that the glint of light off water, or is it a metal ladder? Should you lower yourself into the hole to find out, or should you stand there and look around the shack a little more?

Go down into the hole on page 53, or get a better view of the shack by looking at page 56.

Ah, there's somebody walking down there you can yell at to get help. But wait -- there's something odd-looking about about the stranger. You're sure you've never seen this person around here before. Would he help you, or ... ???

Take your chances with the stranger on page 51, or take your chances with going into orbit on page 54!

It doesn' t matter, though, as the shadowy figure makes no threatening moves. You can't quite see the face in the darkness, but somehow this stranger seems familiar. The stranger says in a reassuring tone, "It's all just an amusement park. Might as well go home."

With that, the stranger abruptly turns and walks away through the gloom. Could that be true? Should you just try to follow the stranger? Or do you want to take a peek inside that shack first?

Follow stranger: page 55 Check Shack page 58

"A great experiment?" you say, "A rich reward'? That's for me!"

"Very well," replies the professor, "The first part of this experiment is to discover How to Keep a Stupid Snoop in suspense!" and then he pulls a big lever in the wall beside him, and...

Hey! You're sitting on the sidewalk outside the house! How did that happen? What about the experiment? Better yet, what about your reward?? Ooooh, your curiosity is killing you, and the suspense is enough to... hmmnmmmm. Ah, who cares about that kooky old smarty-pants anyway? Might as well go home and finish your breakfast.

THE END.

THE END

Oh, but just as you start to leave, you hear a burst of laughter from inside. Wnat was that all about? Never mind, you're going straight home anyway. Or are you? If you really want to, you can select one of two options. You don't have to, though -- you can just go home now. (Close your web browser, and/or start all over again.)

You could, though, just take a little peek at page 57 -- oops, I mean, peek through the door, which the professor didn't close all the way...
Or if you're suddenly feeling really bold and daring, just take a flying leap through the open window on page 60!

Ah, yes, nothing like a nice big breakfast to top off a happy ending... happy for us octopi, that is. You ARE an octopus, too, right? So you were hoping all along that the poor, hungry octopus would be okay. But at any rate, for the human character (whoever it was) this is just

THE END.

Oooooh, I can't bear to look as you enter ...

What's that sound?

Music?

Happy music?

and laughter? The happy, carefree laughing of many people???

Oh, all right, I'll look.

Oh! The door is closing! Wait! Open the door! Let me see! what are you doing in there? What's going on? Something's blocking the keyhole.

Hey, I'm supposed to be writing this story, you can't do this to me!

Oh well, hope you're having fun.

As for me, it looks like this is as far as I go.

THE END

the octopus reacts wildly!

You swim away from the dark cloud, too, and run right into a ... submarine? Or rather, it runs into you -- it's moving! The water pressure as it moves holds you to the hull, but do you really want to go along with it?

Hang on, and it will carry you to page 61, or let go and drift back to the octopus lair on page 63.

You might have expected to see a lot of weird junk up here, but instead, it is completely bare. There are several doors on each side of the hall, though. Maybe you would like to see if one of them is unlocked? There's that window, too; you could look out and wave at people or see if you can open it and climb down somehow.

If you want to explore a bit, I think there's something interesting -- or was it just horrible? I forgot -- on page 62. If you just want to get out of here, try the window on page 64.

That's it, wave your arms, too.

Oh, good! They've noticed you.

But that machine is still pointed at you!

One of the men who looks like he's in charge is yelling at you, but you can't make out what he's saying ... are they foreign terrorists? Aliens?

Oh, no, you've just got water in your ears yet. Shake your head -- there, that's better.

"Hey! You! You in the water! Get out of there! We're shooting a movie about giant octopuseses here, and you're right in the middle of the next shot!"

Oh, that's what that thing is -- some kind of fancy movie camera. What a relief! You suddenly feel that you have had enough excitement for one day. Seems like "adventure" just means taking foolish risks. As you head for home, it occurs to you that, compared to getting trapped in an underwater cave-in, having hot cereal for breakfast is not so bad. Not bad at all.

THE END.

WHAM!

"Sorry about that. Don't be afraid. It's just that I'm rather sensitive to light. And I don't like people to see me." (Oooh, that's a comforting thought.) "Don't worry about the professor, either. He's a little kooky, but he isn't nasty or anything. On the other hand, you wouldn't be the first one to come into this house, and never leave again. Doc's kinda absent-minded, and sometimes forgets to make sure all his 'visitors' get out. 'Course, I LIKE it here ... but I suppose you'll want to be leaving now."

You feel a large, cold hand grab yours, and you are pulled through the darkness, until your hand is placed on something hard and cylindrical. The voice tells you it's the handrail for the back stairs, and the professor never locks or guards the door at the bottom. You feel for the first step with your foot, then remeber to say thank-you and goodbye. Then you take the stairs to a door which truly is unlocked, and soon you are safe at home.

THE END.

Oh, no! everything is shaking AGAIN!

Aaaaaarrrg!

Aaaack!

can't breathe!

Help!

Blub, blub, glubble-ub!

THE END.

Run! Run!

Oh, now you see that this part of the floor is really like a giant treadmill, sliding away under your feet. Actually, it now seems to be going faster than you can run, so you are going backwards! Looking over your shoulder, you see tnat there is also now a big hole in the floor back there! You try to run even faster, but it is no use. You are too tired, and besides, you trip and fall, and whoosh! you slide down into the hole.

You feel like you are spinning around and around, and start to get a bit sick in your stomach. Then, with a

thud,

Hey! You're at a carnival or something. Instead of a creepy old house behind you, there's a funhouse! Over there is -- oh, why try to make sense of it? Just be glad you're out and safe, and go home!

THE END.

Then he switches the light off, and says, "We're conducting a top-secret government research project on giant octopods here. It's dangerous. You'll have to leave. Follow me."

It is not easy to follow him in the darkness over the rough floor of the cave, but soon you notice that you are walking on a smooth path. As you go on, there begins to be more light, too. Finally, you step through an open door, into a large warehouse. You pass through the warehouse into tne back of -- your neighborhood drugstore! The man takes your picture and a set of fingerprints, and warns you not to tell anyone about any of this.

Well, who would believe you if you did tell them? Fortunately, the trip isn't a total loss, as you see they have your favorite cold cereal on sale here. Hurray! No more hot cereal for breakst!

THE END

This doesn't look like a very happy story for you, either. The whole crowd of fishy people march you to a building with smoke rising from the chimney. None of the other buildings have chimneys. Judging from the large sinks, knives, pots, skillets, etc, this could well be a communal kitchen. Oh, yes, see there? A huge, black cauldron on the fire, big enough to put a whole cow in. Uh-oh, why is everyone looking at you and licking their chops?

Um, maybe I had better quit here, while you can still figure out a way to give this story a happy ending, like, maybe they want you to be their new cook. Yeah, that's it, sure... or whatever... and then close with:

THE END.

Then your feet betray you, too, as you trip and fall right into the wall! Riiiiiiip! What? You fell right THROUGH the wall! It was just canvas, not rock. You look around and see a bunch of amusement park rides. Looking back through the hole, you see no sign of the mysterious man. Wait, there's someone there, but not the same one. You walk up behind the shadowy figure, and whoever it is suddenly spins around, as if very frightened. You say reassuringly, "It's all just an amusement park. Might as well go home." Then you set the example by leaving quickly before this story can take another odd turn!

You've been to this park before -- that cave must be part of the Tunnel of Love ride. It's not far from your home, but how you got there, nobody will ever know. You're just glad that this is

THE END.

Hey, didn't the floor feel like stone or cement before? Feels sort of like wood now, doesn't it? Yeah, but sort of soft somehow. Maybe it has a thin layer of moss growing on it. No, not in this darkness. Must be some kind of fungus. Eeeuh! Want to turn around and go back?

Oh, too late -- hang on, the floor is giving away beneath you! Never mind, there's nothing to hang on to any more. You're falling in the darkness...!

SPLASH!

Fortunately, it isn't very deep. Unfortunately, you swallowed a mouthful of it, and it smells and tastes HORRIBLE! You splash around and then...

oh, NO! This is awful!

I've run out of room! (This story was originally written on half sheets of paper)
Go to page 59

But not completely dark. There are two round lights --

eeeeeek!

THE END.

Then one of the fishmen looks at you closely and says, "Hey, guys. this isn't one of the plebes!" All of the others then start laughing wildly. Wildly, but still somehow in a very human manner. Then they all PULL THEIR HEADS OFF! Oh, gross, I can't look... oh, wait, they just pulled rubber masks off their heads. They're really humans in disguise.

They explain that this is all part of an elaborate college fraternity initiation. The "City" is just cardboard shacks in front of a big canvas backdrop, and.. well, you get the picture. Now that they know you're not one of the would-be initiates, they show you the back way out, and you gladly head for home. But you do wonder what real fishpeople would have for breakfast - surely not hot cereal???

Psssst.... that's

The End.

Oooh, being locked up doesn't sound like much fun. But do you want to run away and be an outlaw from your own government (if they ARE with the government)? What choice do you have? Hey, maybe you could join them! You would still have to stay in hiding, and maybe have to wear one of those weird suits -- if they ARE just suits -- but at least it would be better than practically being in jail, wouldn't it?

Well, they'll probably just laugh at you, but you can ask to help if you go to page 67. But, not wishing to take the option from you, I'll let you go to jail on page 65 if you prefer.

No, it's an ordinary light. And now that your eyes are adjusting to it, you can see -- Aaugh! You're standing next to a monster! It looks like a human who was blown to pieces, and put back together with oversized spare parts to replace the missing ones. It's head is bald and full of scars. But the hideous thing manages to smile, and says in a surprisingly soft and mild voice, "Me want friend!"

Could this thing want to be your friend? Or is it a crazed maniac that might turn on you at any time and tear you apart? Besides, as big as it is, it looks like it belongs in a hospital -- or a grave. Ugh! Maybe you should tell the disgusting thing to get lost, eh?

"Get lost!" -- page 68, or "Any Friend in a Bad Situation", page 71.

Now what? The fish IS on a plate. Maybe they want to see if you will eat it, proving that you are like them, despite your land-creature appearance. You could probably swallow it whole in one quick gulp.

But maybe you should politely refuse it, showing that you intend no harm to any of the creatures of the sea...?

Just Eat It! -- page 69. Non-ichthyophages, page 66. Got it?

Since you've waited so long, if you want to try Igor's "antidote", you now have to go to page 107. Or refuse it again, and see what happens on 72.

A helicopter is coming! But you're far too swollen to fit in the door! Oh, they're flying over you, and the downdraft is blowing you back down. Look, there's a tall radio tower -- grab it! Safe!

You later meet the man who saved you. He also tries to help find a cure for your curious condition, but the old house where this all started is now completely empty, and doctors and scientists are completely baffled by this mysterious ailment.

But it turns out that the man who helped you is a movie producer, and he puts you in a movie about a comicbook superhero called "Blimp-o-tron" with a world-famous movie star doing all the walking, talking and close-up scenes.

The movie is a big hit, so you become rich and famous! So being stuck as the world's only human blimp isn't so bad...right?

THE END.

Mmmmmmm, grape!

But nothing happens.

Oh, no, the window is still open, and you fly right out of the room! This time, though, you don't rise as quickly. In fact, you soon start dropping lower. Furthermore, by wiggling around and flapping your arms, you can control the direction of your breath and thus the path of your flight -- by the time you shrink back to nornal and sink to the ground, you're right in front of your house, where you land in a nice, soft bush. Okay, so it's more scratchy than soft, but you're still glad to see your home and

THE END.

Ah, there it is. It feels round, like the rung of a ladder. Letting yourself down a little more, you stretch and feel a second rung... Soon you can reach down and grab the top of the ladder, and then you are climbing even further down. Now that you are down in the hole, it doesn't seem quite so dark as it did before. When you finally feel a solid floor beneath your feet, you can see well enough to follow a narrow passage that leads to a small, round, metal door. It opens easily. and you climb through it.

Suddenly it slams shut!

... right out of this story!

Goodbye!
Have a nice trip! Wish I knew where you were going, but you're out of my jurisdiction now.

THE END.

But you keep right on going higher, and your body just keeps getting bigger and bigger. You can't even see your hands now, let alone your legs or toes. As you try to look down, you see fluffy white clouds far, far below. You realize that you are so high, you should be finding it difficult to breathe. Now that you think of it, you realize you haven't taken a breath for some time.

This discovery is a great reassurance to you, as the sky grows darker, and you begin to notice stars appearing. It isn't night yet, so there's only one explanation: you are drifting into space! But that's impossible!

Equally preposterous is the fleet of spaceships that come up from Earth, and land on your moon-sized body! They start building things like factories and observatories all over you, turning you into a giant space station!

Oh, this is just too silly. Let's say it was all a dream and leave it at that, okay?

THE END.

As soon as you head in the direction the stranger disappeared in, you sense that you made the right judgment. Besides, now you can see light shining through a hole in the wall of the cave. In fact, as you get closer, you see that the cave wall is really just canvas. As you step through the hole, you see that the stranger was right. You're in the middle of an amusement park not far from your home. You can't quite figure out how you got here, but it seems that this hasn't been such a weird adventure as you might have, thought it would be.

Then, as you start for home, you see somebody who looks EXACTLY like you, in a boat floating out of the "Tunnel of Love". Then, as you pass the "Funhouse", another double falls through the "reject" doors almost at your feet! You hurry on in both cases, before the others notice you. You rush home, but on the way, you see a blimp that looks like a person with a huge body, but YOUR HEAD is stuck to the front. That weird enough? Good!

THE END.

ZIP!

Hey, Where'd you go? I can't see a thing down in that dark hole. There isn't any sound coming out of there, either. How strange. I wonder what is happening down there.

What's that you say? You want me to go down in that hole and find out what's happened to you? Hmmmm, no thanks, I think I'll pass on this one. It could be dangerous! When you come back out... IF you ever come back out, you can tell me all about it, okay? Until then, this is

THE END.

You can also hear sounds - not weird sounds, just the sound of a television, and people talking and laughing. You hold completely still and concentrate on making out what is going on in there. Hmmmm, you can see a person... maybe two... ah, they're eating something... eating something out of bowls... something that looks familiar... it looks like... like... hot cereal!?

Oh, phooey! You can do that by yourself at home. Come to think of it, that's not a bad idea. Go home and eat your hot cereal, it's good for you.

THE END.

So you wait. Then you wait some more. Then you become determined to be patient and REALLY wait. So you wait again. You wait and wait and wait

and wait

and wait

wait

wait

(Wouldn't you like to go to page 55 and see what would have happened if you had taken the stranger's advice?)

And wait, wait wait, wait, wait,

(THE END)

Hey, what are you doing here? This page wasn't supposed to be part of any of the story lines. It was supposed to be just a joke about how you must be REALLY lost if you are reading it! What? Ok, that's right, I ran out of room on page 44 and sent you here. Now let me see, where were you in the story? I have lots of space to tell you what happened. I could go on and on about it with all the space l've got. Well, I've used up quite a bit now, but I could still... okay, okay, I'll get on with it.

You were splashing around in some foul water, right? Well, as you splash around, your hand hits something solid, and you realize it is the rung of a ladder. Climb up it until you are stopped by a manhole cover. It is too heavy for you to lift, but since I knew you were going to be there, I called the Department of Public Works and had them send someone out to take it off the hole.

So go home and finish your Hot Cereal already.

Take a bath first.

THE END.

Anyway, you take a couple steps back and then run forward and leap right through the open window! Ooooh, whoa! Instead of landing on the floor or a piece of furniture, you seem to be floating in a cloud. You feel so dizzy, you think you might be sick... did you hit your head on something?

Then everything begins to clear up, and you realize you are standing on something solid, but you still have the sensation of floating. Ah, now you can see everything perfectly. You're standing -- outdoors, under a huge balloon!? No, more correctly, you're riding in the gondola of the balloon. You peer over the side, and see that you are traveling high over wide-open plains, maybe a desert.

Oh! You've jumped right into another author's book! I lose more readers that way...tsk tsk tsk.

THE END.

A hatch swings open, and men in U.S. Navy uniforms come pouring out. They are nearly as surprised as you are when they see you, maybe even more surprised. But they recover quickly and grab you. You try to explain, but they lock you in the brig until they can take you ashore. There, you are questioned by old men in fancy uniforms, and younger men wearing dark blue suits and sunglasses. They obviously think you could be some kind of spy.

You have to admit that your story doesn't sound very believable, but the men seem to think that no spy in his right mind would try to use it as a cover story. Maybe the weird stuff you remember was caused by spies.

Anyway, they let you go back home to your hot cereal.

THE END.

The fifth door - oh, the fifth door is partly open already. It is too dark inside to see beyond the narrow opening. Then, as you approach the door, you hear a voice from inside the room! It says, "Hurry, get in here with me.'"

Ah, at last you've found a friend! Or have you? Why doesn't he, she, or it come out of hiding? Did I say "it"? Well, I was just thinking of that weird laboratory... Maybe you'd better try to run away!

Go visit friendly "Frankie" on page 38, or RUN AWAY on page 40.

The turbulence of the passing sub tosses you around in the water, and you hear and sense the spinning propellor blades pass by only inches away. Finaliy, it is gone, and you drift quietly in the dark waters, all alone.

Alone? Not exactly. Something wraps around your chest, pinning your arms to your sides, and gives you a big, friendly squeeze. Well, maybe not exactly friendly. The tentacle around your chest turns you around, and you find yourself staring right into the eyes of the Big Mamma of all giant octopuses! (Or is it octopi?) Do you suppose she knows what you did to her little baby? Oooooh, you're gonna get SUCH a SPANKING! I don't want to watch.

THE END.

You are happily surprised to discover that it slides up easily. You stick your head out, and look at the ground below. This is apparently a side yard, and you can see the sidewalk going past the front to your left. Ah, if only you can get that far, you'll head for home so fast...

But how are you going to get down? You're way up in the attic! Hmmmmm, there is a big, thick bush right below the window. Maybe if you fell on it, it would cushion your fall. Oh, wait, there's a downspout from a rain gutter by the left side of the window. You might climb down that, but it looks a little frail and rusty.

I'll put the bush on page 73, and the downspout on page 78.

You are locked inside what could have been a large closet or a utility room. Just before he closed the door, the leader told you that you would only be here for a few hours, until they could transfer you to more comfortable quarters. You don' t plan on staying around that long, do you? You quickly check the room, although it has no other doors or any windows.

Ah-hah! You've discovered that some of the bricks are loose. They probably conceal a secret passage to a back exit. You'll be out of here in no time at all!

Or am I reading you wrong? (And who's reading who here, anyway?) Maybe you'd like to stay and see how comfortable the jail on page 82 is. Oh, that's silly. I'm sure you'd much rather try to escape on page 74, right?

Finally, the fishman in the middle of the council breaks the silence. "This is a very difficult and important question." he gravely intones, "You would be wise to consider well before answering: Do you want the land, or the water?" Then he is silent again, and the whole council appears prepared to wait for as long as it takes to decide.

It's a good thing I'm not there, as I would probably spoil the scene by laughing out loud! That question is right out of a comedy routine by Abbot and Costello.

But I guess that YOU had better choose seriously and carefully. Your decision will affect the rest of your life! (Okay, it just makes the story turn out differently, but you know what I mean!)

Land, page 83; Water, page 76.

As soon as you step into the office, you sense that something is wrong. You're not quite sure what it is until... of course! It was so obvious that you couldn't believe it at first, but that flag draped behind the desk -- it's the flag of a foreign country! And on the map next to it, there'sa big, red "X" right across your town. These guys are working on a govemment project all right, but not OUR government!

They must know that you now know that they're foreign spies, but maybe they think that beCAUSE you know that they know that you know that, uh, ummm, . . . well, you can play along on page 75, or try to bust outta there: page 81.

But the monster doesn't seem to be getting angy. It just stands there dumbly and... oh, it's crying! You've hurt the poor thing's feelings. "WAAAAAAH! Me no monster!" (Oh dear, I do believe it is getting rather upset after all.)

"YOU a mean widdle person!"

The big hairy thing gently picks you up and give you a little toss -- CRASH! -- right through the wall! Ouch! Well, at least now you are finally out of the house. Why don't you limp on home and have some nice cold hot cereal for lunch, you big meany!

THE END.

The fishmen don't seem to be impressed, however. They are talking among themselves loud enough for you to hear. The leader of the council says, "This land creature is obviously crazy. We will simply throw it back." While you are still wondering why he's speaking in English, everything goes dark, except for a bunch of pretty stars swirling around.

When you wake up, you find yourself lying on a beach with a tender lump on the back of your head. You get up and see that you can find your way home from here. You consider telling someone about your weird adventure, but you don't want EVERYONE to think you're crazy!

Oh yes, that's definitely

THE END.

You've gotten here by running away from a spy who was denouncing you as a "traitor" in the middle of a camp full of foreign spies, right? Fortunately, you are near a tunnel that you saw earlier, and you've seen spies going into it dressed in regular civilian clothes. It must be an exit to the city!

As you head into it, you can only hope that you don't run into any spies coming back. You can hear a mob of them running behind you. Sometimes, when the tunnel runs straight for a while, a gunshot rings out, and splinters of rock cut into you as the bullet barely misses. Still, you keep running. In fact, you run even faster! Just as you put on a real burst of speed, you burst through a curtain in your way and find yourself in the back of a dark, musty old bookstore. You don't even slow down until you reach the police station and tell them to alert the FBI!

Surprisingly, the FBI actually believes your story!

The END.

Well, it is.

Maybe if you go through the story and read some of the other endings, you'll get an idea of what happened with the spies.

Or maybe not.

So browse on back to the start or do something else entirely.

Go away.

Oooooh, the big hairy thing gets really excited! It jumps up and down and claps its huge, mismatched hands together, and makes a hooting noise you suppose is laughter.

"Oh, goody, goody!" it says, "Me got friend! Me got friend!"

Then it stops and puts a hand on its stomach, saying, "But me hungry! Got food?" And looks at you anxiously with big, wet eyes that keep drifting in their direction of focus.

Uh-oh, your big new friend wants something to eat, and you haven't got so much as a breath mint with you! Now what? Would a big, hungry monster prefer a new friend, or a "friend-ly" meal?

Do you think you might be able to stall for time by telling the monster that you have some food (not mentioning that you're thinking or the breakfast that you didn't finish back home)? Or will you simply admit that you're as bad off as it is in the food category?

You can stretch the truth all the way to page 84, or say "no" on page 77.

When you try to talk, your voice comes out as a strangled croaking noise. "Please!" you moan, "Give me the antidote! I really want it now!"

But it is too late. Even as you speak, a curtain of darkness seems to descend over the scene, and you are lost in the grip of unconsciousness.

Then, through the darkness, you hear familiar voices. It's your family! They're saying, "We don't know how he got like this, doctor. He left in the middle of breakfast without a word, and we found him on the front lawn hours later, looking just like that."

Looking like what? You open your eyes and see that you are in your bed, at normal size and weight...

but your hands are still purple! In fact, you're purple all over! Wonder if there's a cure...

THE END

YAAAAAAAAAAH!

Whew! You made it. Hmmmm, let me look. No limbs at odd angles, except on the bush, and those are just branches anyvay. Let's see, you seem to be breathing... yes, I hear moaning now, you're definitely alive.

Oh, good, you're climbing out of the bush. Probably no internal injuries. What are all those little red marks all over your body though? Ooops! It was a thorn bush, eh? Well, don't get mad at me, I couldn't tell from way up in the attic.

Hey, where are you going? Home? How about sneaking in through this window here, and having some more adventure? What's that you say?

"Phooey on adventures! I'm going home and having a nice, safe breakfast!" Oh, well, I guess that's

THE END.

But finally the tunnel widens, and then it gets light enough that you can see. You can see that the tunnel branches here. One branch is large and leads upwards, and the light seems to be coming from that way. The other branch is just a little smaller, and it ends in a pool of water. You can see some light in the water, too, so it must be connected to the surface by a very short tunnel.

Then, you hear voices behind you! Which way to go? Upwards on page 85, water on page 79.

They seem to take special pride in a large device that appears to be some kind of super radio. You can't follow the explanation of all the technical details. You notice that there is a big red button on it that they all seem to be ignoring on purpose. Also, no one offers an explanation for the piece of paper taped to it with the word, "Hypercalifralligator" typed on it.

This must be a key part of their secret plot! This could be your best chance to really do something about it. You could grab the device, snatch a gun from a spy, and shoot your way out of here, and become a national hero! Or maybe you thirk you would just like to hang around awhile longer and see what happens.

Grab and go, page 81; bide your time page 86.

Oh, the fishmen don't seem to think of it as fun. They continue to stare at you impassively as you stand there sopping wet with cold, salty, and oddly slimy-feeling water.

(Hee hee! I still think it's funny!)

Finally the leader says in his toneless voice, "You have passed the trial of the High Council. You will not be harmed. But the decision you must now make will have a great effect on the rest of your life. We offer you once more the opportunity to join us and become as one of us. I cannot say what your fate will be if you refuse, but you will not be seriously harmed. What is your decision?"

Well, smart guy, what do you think? You turned them down once, and this time you know you're safe to turn them down again, but why are they offering again? And why didn't they say what the alternative was?

Anyway, go to page 87 to refuse, and page 91 to accept and join them.

The monster stands frozen for a few seconds, then exclaims, "Duh... yeah! LOOK for food! Good idea! Friend smart!"

Smart indeed. The monster's idea of looking for food seems to consist of barging right through walls at top speed! You follow the series of monster-shaped holes, and soon you are standing outside. The monster is standing there, blinking not only becauseo the sunlight, but from tears.

"Me no find food" it wimpers.

Aw, poor monster. You check your wallet and find a few dollars in it. "Let's go get some pizza." you say. The monster's face lights up as if at the sight of a long-lost friend. "PIZZA!" it agrees, and the two of you set off down the street arm-in-arm.

There seems to be a strange yet natural affinity between the two of you. Eventually, people get used to the monster's looks, and your parents even adopt it!

THE END.

Uh, oh! What's that creaking sound?

Yaaah!

Hang on tight -- no, let go with your feet so they hit first. Oooooh, the pipe's swinging sideways, right toward that hard ol' sidewalk... but at least it is slowing your fall.

CRASH!

Hey, yeah, that wasn't so bad. Well, maybe a sprained ankle, a bruised knee, and some nasty scrapes. You're in good enough shape, you want to sneak back in and have some more fun? What's that you say?

"I'd rather have a bowl of cold hot cereal!" Oh, fine, be that way, party pooper. That makes this

THE END.

Ooooh, the water is a lot colder than you expected. It seems darker, too. What's that over there? Ugh! A gigantic, weird-looking octopus is chewing on something that's mostly bones now. Oh no! It reaches toward you as if it is still hungry...

Nah, I've got enough endings with giant octopi. Forget that whole scene.

Instead, the water is warmer and lighter than you expected, and when you swim toward the light, you soon find yourself out of the cave and swimming toward a public beach. There is a lot of noise and commotion to one side, and you see a lot of heavy excavating machines and men in jackets with FBI on the back. Looks like the spy headquarters are about to be wrapped up, so you can relax and go home. Oh, never mind -- there's your family! You forgot that you were planning a day at the beach. The rain has cleared up, and it's a beautiful day! Well, that's

THE END.

You are not alone as you wait though. There are a few other men here. One of them casually walks over to you, then he sits down on the bunk next to you and whispers, "I can tell you don't belong here. Neither do I. I'm really a double agent, working for OUR government. Can you tell me what you have seen?"

Is this guy for real? Can you trust him? And even if you do, what if one of the others overhears? On the other hand, if you refuse to co-operate, maybe he will get the idea that you are really one of the spies! What should you do?

Keep your mouth shut? (page 89) or start blabbing? (page 94).

But I'm not giving you the option of going to another page, because this is clearly

THE END.

THE END.

"You want the land?" the leader of thecouncil asks rhetorically, "Then you can have all the land you could ever want -- digging it out of the mines!"

Oh, no. A life sentence to heavy labor. Hey, why don't you look more upset? Oh, you thought they were going to give you six feet of land -- for a grave to bury you in! Yes, I suppose there are worse ways to end. At any rate,

THIS is THE END

It doesn't find anything of course, and its joy slowly turns to disappointment, and then something like anger. Oh dear. You scramble and twist in an attempt to get away, but the monster insists on giving you something first. It gives you a big kick in the seat of your pants!

OW! Ow ow ow! You fly up and crash right through the ceiling! What a kick! You fly through what is now a clear blue sky, rubbing your sore posterior and your aching head at the same time. Then it occurs to you that you will be falling down soon, and that that might not be a pleasant experience, either.

And it isn't, as you crash right through a ceiling again! Ouch! But it could be worse, because you are fortunate enough to crash into a bedroom and land on a bed. Oh! What a surprise. This is YOUR bed!

And a good thing, too, becuase you'll be there for quite a while.

THE END.

Soon you see where the light is coming from -- there is a hole in the side of the tunnel. Rocks and dirt are scattered across the floor of the tunnel as if the hole was recently made. You creep up cautiously and peek out. Ah, the hole HAS been made recently -- you can see the bulldozer and backhoe that made it. There's some men with walky-taikies, too. Wait, what's that on the back of that jacket? FBI! You're saved!

You rush out, startling the agents. Their first reaction is to draw their guns and take you prisoner, but they listen as you tell your story. They get really excited. "This is just what we need! This will help us direct our attack. Now we know just where to go. You'll get a medal for this!"

Well, a medal sounds nice, but right now, You'd rather just get some breakfast. Or maybe lunch or dinner. Or all three -- going on an adventure really builds up your appetite!

THE END.

Then, as they lay the plans down and go back to pointing at the radio-thing itself, the thought comes to you that it would be a lot easier to run off with a little roll of paper than with a big, heavy piece of electronics. Maybe this is your big chance. You might call it the moment of truth. I call it a good time for standard cliches about making an important snap decision.

If you want to play it safe, go to page 80. Or if you want to create some excitement, grab the plans and run to page 90.

Tnen, everything goes dark. Not because they have hit you on the head, but because they've put a cloth bag over your head. It smells funny. It makes you feel dizzy.... then everything REALLY goes dark....

You wake up on a beach, wondering why you are lying there, as the last thing you remember is eating hot cereal for breakfast! Maybe it has something to do with staying up late last night, watching that scary science fiction movie on TV. Yeah, that's it -- you fell asleep at breakfast, and walked down here in your sleep while having a nightmare.

Yeah, right.

THE END

And so with the monster's help, you find the Lost Treasure of Kiki-Woo, sign a big Hollywood contract, and become Rich AND Famous.

THE END.

The supposed double agent replies, "Yeah, good idea. There's probably bugs all over the place. Besides, its time for me to sneak out of here and report to headquarters. You can come with me, and make your report there."

He gets up and walks away casually, but he looks back at you in a meaningful way. You wonder again if you can trust this guy, or if you are still being tested. You know the way back to the Head Spy's office; maybe you should go there and report this, to show how "loyal" you are. But do you want to take the chance of being responsible for what happens if he really is a double agent? Maybe you should just follow him and see if you can get out of this nest of spies.

Report him to the leaders on page 93, or follow him out on page 96.

So now here you are, surrounded by angry spies with BIG guns -- looks like this is

THE END.

The warning has clearly come too late. Somehow the FBI knows just where to go -- in fact, the spies are surprised by a group of FBI agents coming from the other way! You're saved! Now that is really

THE END.

Everything goes dark!

You later find that it's not such a bad life. You end up marrying a mate with a cute set of gills, raise a bunch of tadpoles, and live happily ever after!

THE END.

EEEEEEAAAAAAAH!

Oooops! my mistake.

Better go to page 88. You really shouldn't be here....

Oh dear. Do you wonder if maybe they really won't be all that understanding if you chicken out now? But if you accept the assignment, what if it's something really terrible, and they send a spy along with you to make sure you carry it out? I'm glad I'm not in your shoes.

But you ARE in your shoes -- well, actually you're still wearing neoprene footies from your scuba suit, but you know what I mean. Anyway, you must decide: Take the assignment on page 95, or back out on page 98.

Eh, could be. That would explain how you end up sitting in a barren cell in the middle of a frozen tundra... or is it a sweltering jungle island? Whatever. At any rate, nothing much else happens after that, so as far as this story goes, this is

THE END.

Rats! You just aren't getting any breaks today, are you?? Why couldn't it have been something REALLY simple, like finding out when the mayor walks his dog? Great. How are you going to fake going along with this? They're sure to keep an eye on you and shoot you as soon as you try anything suspicious with a mission this important. But how can you dare back out now? Looks like trouble either way...

So which way are you going to choose? Blow your cover on page 97, or try to string them along just a little bit more on page 101.

The double agent leads you without further incident to the local office of the FBI, where you can finally tell them what you've seen. But can you remember after all that excitement? There was something about a machine with a big button and a strange word...

Was it a red button marked "Supercalifralligator"? -- page 99
Or a red button marked "Hypercalifralligator"? -- page 103.

"Hah!" says the Head Spy, "We knew you were faking all the time! Take him away!"

Once more you are in hot water. The spies drag you off and shove you into a small bare room. The room looks pretty bleak, and so does your future. But wait! You see that there is a hole in the back wall where some bricks were removed -- the spies must not have known about this!

You crawl through the hole and through the tunnel beyond. It is tiny, dark, and slimy, but you are glad to be finally getting away from that place. Then the tunnel widens and splits, leaving you with another decision to make. One branch is completely dark, and you hear sounds of running water coming from it. The other branch ends in a calm pool of water. You can see light in the water though, so you figure it must be connected to the outside surface, or an artificially lighted, man-made cave.

Running waters are sweet (page 105), but still waters run deep (p. 100).

You are worrying unnecessarily, however. The Head Spy merely looks disappointed and tells you to return to the barracks and wait for further orders.

When you get back to the barracks, you are approached by one of the spies, who professes to be in the same situation as you, but knows of a way out. Oh, brother! Weren't you in this situation before?

What will you do this time? Tell the other spies, or trust this mysterious stranger with the fact that you really want to get out of here so you can help the authorities catch the spies?

Yell to the other spies for help in capturing the "traitor" on page 102, or confess your secret to the loyal patriot on page 106.

"Wait, wait," you say quickly, "I remember it now! It was..." but an agent is escorting you out already, not interested in what you have to say. One of the agents gives you a sort of squinty, suspicious look as you leave.

Too bad you messed up a bit there. At least you did what you could, and you are safe at home again. You never get mixed up in such a wild adventure again, but you often get the strange feeling you are being watched, and sometimes you're sure you've caught a glimpse of an odd person who disappears around a corner when you turn around. But you never follow him. You'd rather let this be

THE END.

The cave you are in now seems to be natural, but there are other signs of the presence of men in addition to the numerous flourescent lights hanging from the ceiling. There is a steel walkway with a handrail along one wall, and -- a dock with a miniature submarine next to it!

There isn't anyone around. so you swim over and check it out. You find that it is equipped with a pair of mechanical arms and a basket. Inside the basket, you find a magnetically attachable time bomb!

Hmmmm, this presents a couple interesting options. You could get into the sub and use it as a getaway vehicle, or you could set the bomb on the submarine, and use the explosion as a diversion. Either way, the spies will no longer have the sub or the bomb to carry out their nefarious schemes. So what's yer pleasure, pardner? Take the sub on page 104, or blow up the sub on page 108 ?

"Ha HA HA HA!" laughs the Head Spy, "What a joke! Ha ha! To think we would trust you with such a mission. We've known you were a fake all this time." Then he becomes very serious as he says, "Enough of this amusing little charade. Now we will take care of you once and for all."

The image of a firing squad comes to your mind -- just before everything goes dark. When you wake up, you find yourself in a bare cell, with no windows. Sadly, this is where you will find yourself when you wake up for the rest of your life. The only hobby you have is trying to guess where on Earth, or away from Earth, your prison is. And the only thing they ever serve you for your one meal each day is a big bowl of something like hot cereal, made from potatoes. Sometimes you think how nice it would have been if you had come to a quicker end. Maybe like getting eaten by a giant octopus...?

In case you're still wondering, that's

The END.