- SCA SHIRE
- The Scotsman Song
- Veteran of the Pennsic Wars
- Ghost Squires in the Sky
- The Thong of Thor
- The Minstrel Boy
- March of Cambreadth
- Signs you Might be a Redneck Scadian
SCA SHIRE
(Tune : Paperback Writer, Lennon/McCartney)
An Atrocity by Malcolm Mac Lachlainn (MKA - Pete
Jensen)
Empty apologies to the Beatles
S C A Shire
Shire
Shire
Oh, Your Royal Highness, will you hear our
plea
It took us months to do, and we paid our fees
We're based on a shire named Mynydd Seren
And we need some arms, cause we want to be an
SCA Shire
SCA Shire
Well we're a silly bunch of drunken Scotsmen
With a seneschal, name of De Appin
We sent off to the board in the mundane mail
Now we're here in court, and we want to be an
SCA shire
SCA Shire
We filled a thousand forms out, give or take
a few
It's a dozen more every week or two
Our first was rejected, so we changed it round
Now we have a name and we want to be an SCA
shire
SCA Shire
We have an event at an Army Fort
And we're hinting round to have a Royal Court
If you really like us, please recognize us here
We know we're maniacs, but we want to be an SCA
shire
SCA Shire
SCA Shire
Back to Top
(Author Unknown)
Well, a Scotsman clad in kilt
left a bar one evening fair,
And one could tell by how he
walked that he'd drunk more than his share.
He fumbled 'round until he could
no longer keep his feet,
And he stumbled off into the
grass to sleep beside the street.
Ring ding diddle iddle ay dee
oh, Ring di diddly ay oh,
And he stumbled off into the
grass to sleep beside the street
About that time two young and
lovely girls just happend by,
One says to the other with a
twinkle in her eye:
"See yon sleeping Scotsman,
so strong and handsome built?
I wonder if it's true what they
don't wear beneath the kilt!"
Ring ding diddle iddle ay dee
oh, Ring di diddly ay oh,
I wonder if it's true what they
don't wear beneath the kilt!"
They crept up on that
sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be;
Lifted up his kilt about an inch
so they could see.
And there, behold, for them to
view beneath his Scottish skirt,
Was nothin' more than God had
graced him with upon his birth.
Ring ding diddle iddle ay dee
oh, Ring di diddly ay oh,
Was nothin' more than God had
graced him with upon his birth.
They marvelled for a moment,
then one said: "We must be gone.
Let's leave a present for our
friend before we move along."
As a gift they left a blue silk
ribbon tied into a bow,
Around the bonnie star the
Scotsman's kilt did lift and show.
Ring ding diddle iddle ay dee
oh, Ring di diddly ay oh,
Around the bonnie star the
Scotsman's kilt did lift and show.
Now the Scotsman woke to
nature's call, and stumbled towards the trees.
Behind the bush he lifts his
kilt, and gawks at what he sees.
And in a startled voice he says,
to what's before his eyes,
"Oh, lad I don't know where
ye been, but I see ye won first prize!"
Ring ding diddle iddle ay dee
oh, Ring di diddly ay oh,
"Oh, lad I don't know where
ye been, but I see ye won first prize!"
(Tune: Veteran of the Psychic Wars - Blue Oyster Cult)
Atrocity Perpetuated By Malcolm mac Lachlainn
MKA Pete Jensen
You see me now a veteran,
Of a thousand Pennsic Wars.
I've been standing in the fields so long
Where the Midrealm army roars
I'm young enough to do this
But far to old to be
All these spears are on the other side
I'm not sure there'll be anything left of me
Don't let this heat go on
It's time we had a break from it
It's time I had a beer
My helmet feels like flames
And it's burning up my brain
Oh, please, don't let this heat go on
You ask me why I'm limping
Why I can't walk to you
My hands are bruised and swelling
And my sword's broken in two.
But the war's still going on, and
Now the rain's a damn downpour
And I can't rust forever
I don't think that I'm ever gonna get free
Don't let this rain go on
It's time we had a break from it
It's time I had a beer
My helmet is all bent
And I'm drowning in my tent
Oh, please, don't let this rain go on.
You see me now a veteran
Of a thousand Pennsic Wars
My money is all spent at last,
And my armor is destroyed
I have broken all my weapons,
And I'm helpless and I'm broke
Bruises are all I'm made of
Did I hear you say that this is victory?
Don't let this thing go on,
It's time we had a break from it
Send me to the rear
Where I can sit and have a beer
Tell the king to go to hell
Oh please, don't let this thing go on.
(Apologies to Riders of the Purple Sage)
Lyrics Horribly Mangled and Borderline Plagiarized by
Malcolm mac Lachlainn,
MKA Pete Jensen
Well, a knight went riding out one dark and stormy day
At an event he rested as he went along his way
When all at once a battered helmet hit him in his eye
It was the thing he dreaded
Ghost squires in the sky
CHORUS
(Kazoo) Bwa-bwa-bwa-bwa, bwa-bwa bwa bwaaaa
Ghost Squires in the Sky
Their surcotes were on fire, and their swords were made
of steel
Their mail was black and shiny and their hot breath he
could feel
A bolt of fear went through him as they thundered through
the sky
For they were coming for him
And he heard their mournful cry
CHORUS
Now this Knight had many squires from a long time ago,
Since he had been Knighted so many years before
He used and abused them, and hung them out to dry
And now they want revenge,
Ghost squires in the sky.
CHORUS
Their faces gaunt, their eyes were blurred, their
tunics bloody red
They had no flesh or horses, these squires they were dead.
They picked up this Knight, and hung him by his cord
They dropped him on his head,
And beat him with his own sword.
CHORUS
GHOST ... SQUIRES ... IN ... THE ... SKYYYYY
(Author Unknown)
In days of yore the great god
Thor would romp about creation
He'd quaff a pint, and slay a
giant, and save the Nordic nation
Or kill a wyrm to watch it
squirm and vainly try to fang him
And lock up Loki in the pokey,
and on the noggin bang him.
Once he did bawl through
Thrudvang hall that on a trip he'd wander
In a disguise from prying eyes,
on Midgard way down yonder
So all his slaves and carles and
knaves packed up his goods and gear-o
And off he strode down Bifrost
road, the perfect Aryan hero.
In Midgard land he fell in
with a band of viking ruffians
And off they sailed and rowed
and bailed amongst the auks and puffians
When'eer they'd hit a foreign
beach they'd stop to loot and plunder
Each nordic brute got so much
loot, their longship near went under.
Despite the wealth those
nordics gained one treasure was forsaken
For in all the raids those
vikings made, no women could be taken
Each drab and queen would flee
the scene when viking sails were sighted
And Thor felt needs for certain
deeds which had gone unrequited.
Thor's brows were black when
they sailed in to Oslo's rocky haven,
Unto his crew he said, "Beshrew
me for a Frankish craven!
If I don't wrench some tavern
wench, or else may Frigga damn her!"
Replied one voice, "You
have first choice, you've got the biggest hammer."
Into an inn that crew of sin
embarked upon their landing
And all the maids were sore
afraid of pirates of such standing
But golden coins warmed up their
loins, and soon the ale ran free
And thor's lads drank throughout
the day, and made an all night spree.
Thor's eye alit upon a maid
whose hair was gold as grain,
A lisp so shy, a downcast eye,
and not a trace of brain.
Into his arms he swept her
charms and took her to his bower,
And did not cease nor give her
ease for six days and an hour!
When Thor arose to take a
cup, she looked like one near death
Her limbs were weak, she could
not speak, and only gasped for breath
"Before I go, you ought to
know, I'm Thor." he bade adieu
"You're thore?" said
she, "Conthider me! I'm thorer thir than you!"
(Thomas Moore (1779-1852))
Air "the Moreen"
Ancient Irish Air
The minstrel boy to the war
is gone,
In the ranks of death you'll
find him;
His father's sword he hath
girded on,
And his wild harp slung behind
him;
"Land of Song!"
cried the warrior bard,
Should all the world betray
thee,
One sword, at least, thy rights
shall guard,
One faithful harp shall praise
thee!"
The Minstrel fell! But the
foeman's steel
Could not bring that proud soul
under;
The harp he lov'd ne'er spoke
again,
For he tore its chords asunder;
And said "No chains
shall sully thee,
Thou soul of love and brav'ry!
Thy songs were made for the pure
and free
They shall never sound in
slavery!
music and words by Heather
Alexander
Recorded originally by Pheonyx
(Keepers of the Flame)
Axes flash, broadswords
swing,
Shining armor's piercing ring!
Horses run with polished shield,
Fight those bastards till they
yield!
Midnight mare and blood
red roan,
Fight to keep this land
your own;
Sound the horn and call
the cry,
How many of them can we
make die?!
Follow orders as your told,
Make their yellow blood run
cold!
Fight until you die and rot,
A force like ours is hard to
stop!
Close your mind to stress
and pain,
Fight 'till you're no
longer sane;
Let not one damn cur pass
by,
How many of them can we
make die?!
Guard your women and children
well,
Send these bastards back to
hell!
We'll teach them the ways of
war,
They won't come here any more!
Use your shield and use
your head,
Fight 'till every one is
dead;
Raise the flag up to the
sky,
How many of them can we
make die?!
Dawn has broke, the time has
come,
Move your feet to the marching
drum!
We'll win the war and pay the
toll,
We'll fight as one in heart and
soul!
Midnight mare and blood
red roan,
Fight to keep this land
your own;
Sound the horn and call
the cry,
How many of them can we
make die?!
Axes flash, broadswords
swing,
Shining armour's piercing ring!
Horses run with polished shield,
Fight those bastards till they
yield!
Midnight mare and blood
red roan,
Fight to keep this land
your own;
Sound the horn and call
the cry,
How many of them can we
make die?!
How many of
them can we make die?
How many of them can we make die...
1) You make your jewelry from things you buy at the
hardware store.
2) You have a cloak clasp made of silver and turquoise.
3) You carry around a goblet to spit tobacco juice in.
4) You have a Bud Light tapestry in your tent.
5) You have ever asked a member of the Peerage "How's it hanging?"
6) You have served potted meat at a feast you have autocratted.
7) You have ever fed your dogs from your shield.
8) You play the Banjo at a filking.
9) You have tried to document "Bubba" as a SCA name.
10) You use "Robert" as a second part of your SCA name. (William
Robert - Billy Bob)
11) You have a redwood deck attached to your tent.
12) Part of your camp furniture was once a cable spool.
13) Your armor does not cover your stomach.
14) You decorate your armor with bottle caps to make it look nice.
15) Your coat of arms has been declared offensive in 3 Kingdoms.
16) Your coat of arms includes a possum.
17) You have ever had to move a transmission to get your gear out of the closet.
18) You have ever requested that the Minstrel Play "Free Bird."
19) You have ever smoked during a fight.
20) You have ever gone hunting at an event.
21) You can burp the "Scotsman Song," or play it on your beer belly.
22) You have written Medieval Parody Lyrics to Country-Western songs.
23) You have ever patched your armor with metal cut from a beer can.
24) You have the imprint of a tobacco can in your pouch.
25) You don't understand jokes about duct tape and the SCA.
26) You have ever yelled "Rock the house!" at a musician at an event.
28) The fur trim on your new doublet is something you ran over.
29) Your swords are displayed on a gun rack.
30) You have ever used medieval weaponry to go frog-gigging.
31) You use Armor-All on your leather armor.
32) You have tried to register the Stars and Bars with the college of heralds.
33) You actually know which kind of leaves make the best substitute for toilet
paper.
34) You have ever used the word "Y'all" in a psuedo-medival accent.
35) You have worked out the blazoning for the Confederate Battle Flag.
36) You have a leather beer can holder with Celtic Knotwork on it.
37) You have ever taken lawn furniture to an event.
38) Your car has broken down at an event and you left it there.
39) You have ever offered a member of the peerage some dip.
40) Your flashlight holds more than 4 batteries.
41) You refuse to fall down when you lose a fight so you don't crush your
cigarettes.
42) You secretly get your firewood from your neighbor's yard.
43) You've ever skipped going to an event because it's deer season.
44) You have ever repaired your armor with baling wire.
45) The Earl Marshal comes to you first to look for duct tape.
Have More? Send them to the
Webmaster!
