New Filks
Nu-Metal Norbert
The Norwegian Ridgeback who was hatched to raise hell.
Image © 2004 Red Scharlach
Nu-Metal Norbert
The Norwegian Ridgeback who was hatched to raise hell.
Image © 2004 Red Scharlach
The Chamber Man Copyright 2008 by JustLivePosthumously; Tri-Wiz Tourney Copyright 2008 by Cormac Slughorn; Canon-Defiers' Anthem, Re-Fredding Sequence and Second-Worst Days of Our Lives Copyright 2008 by Miranda Shadowind; Harry Wants to Apologize and I Loved Her First Copyright 2008 by Alessandra C.; Crabbe and Goyle Copyright 2008 by Snape's Mistress; Blue-Eyed Goatherd (aka Aberforth) Copyright 2008 by dianahawthorne; Undesirable Number One Copyright 2008 by Ginny05
A filk by Miranda Shadowind to the tune of Pink Floyd's Happiest Days of Our Lives. Companion piece to the Phoenix Walltz Trilogy.
THE SCENE: The Hogwarts corridors. FRED and GEORGE have just set up their Portable Swamp and attempt to get away, but are spotted.
FILCH: (shouting)
You! Yes, you! Stand still, laddies!
Filch, Umbridge, and the Inquisitorial Squad give chase, herding them into the Entrance Hall.
FRED & GEORGE:
Here in our final year at school
There was a new teacher
Who would smite the children any way she could
By forcing through restrictions
Upon everything we did
Exposing every weakness
However carefully hidden by the kids
Scene Switch: Entrance Hall
FILCH: (hoarsely yet gleefully)
Headmistress, I have got the form,
and with the whips I'll stop
the chaos upon which they thrive; I'll lash them
within inches of their lives!
ASSEMBLED STUDENTS:
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh...
UMBRIDGE: (at the same time, but spoken)
Very good, Argus. You two are about to learn what happens to wrongdoers in my school.
FRED: (spoken)
You know what? I don't think we are.
------ ((Insert No Need for Umbridge here))
As the music trails off, we are presented with a series of three brief scenes that overlap in a round. The first depicts Harry in detention with UMBRIDGE hovering over him as he writes with the black quill.
UMBRIDGE: (spoken)
Wrong! Do it again!
Wrong! Do it again!
Scene Switch: Umbridge's office early in the school year.
FUDGE: (yelling)
If you don't make decrees, I won't give you more nookie!
How can I give you more nookie if you don't make decrees?!
Scene Switch: The Hogwarts grounds, after the twins' departure. Filch is chasing an elusive delinquent, to little success.
FILCH: (spoken)
You! Yes, you behind the broom shed! Stand still, laddie!
A filk by Ginny05 to the tune of Public Enemy Number One from Cole Porter's Anything Goes
DUMBLEDORE'S ARMY
Undesirable Number One,
Thank thee for ev'rything thou hast done.
GINNY
The Quibbler says we shouldn't associate
With the likes of you, even if you are our mate.
DUMBLEDORE'S ARMY
Thank thee heartily, Harry then,
For forming this army to fight against them,
For henceforth we'll treated equally, everyone
Due to thee, Undesirable Number One.
A filk by Alessandra C. to the same tune by Heartland.
Read on and see how a seventh year Severus Snape expresses his feelings about the new Lily/James ship, as he stares jealously at James Potter....
SNAPE:
Look at the two of you sit side by side
Lost in the moment and each other's face
So much in love, I'm alone in this place
Like there's nobody else in this hall
I was enough for her not long ago
I was her best friend, she once told me so
And she still means the world to me
Just so you know
Potter, careful to not hurt my girl!
Time changes everything
I must go on
And I'm not gonna stand in your way
I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first word she said
When she first smiled at me
I knew that my feelings for her run deep
And I prayed that she'd love me one day
'Cause it's so hard to give her away
I loved her first
How could that beautiful woman with you
Be the same freckled girl that I knew
The one that I told all of my secrets to
And kissed in my dreams all those nights
And I knew the first time she went out with you
It was only a matter of time
I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first word she said
When she first smiled at me
I knew that my feelings for her run deep
And I prayed that she'd love me one day
'Cause it's so hard to give her away
I loved her first
From the first word she said
When she first smiled at me
I knew that my feelings for her run deep
Lily will never know what I'm going through
'Cause I'm too scared to say "I love you"
I loved her first.
A filk by Alessandra C. to the tune of Apologize by Timbaland
HARRY:
Words fill my head but now
Snape's six feet underground
I still had so much to say
But now he can't hear a sound
You told me you hated me
Still you kept me safe and sound
And I...
Never told you "I'm sorry"
Didn't know you loved my mum so much ...
Now it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I know it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I wish I had another chance to talk again with you
If you were by my side I'd ask you to
Tell me all the truth
Yeah yeah
My hate for you was fire red, now I feel so blue
And I cry
Like a guardian angel, you've protected my life
Every day
It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I know it's too late to apologizes, it's too late
Woahooo woah
It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I know it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I know it's too late to apologize, yeah yeah
I know it's too late to apologize, yeah
Words fill my head but now
Snape's six feet underground ...
A filk by Snape's Mistress to the tune of Edelweiss from The Sound of Music
After tucking Vince and Greg in their beds, Draco flutters around the dormitory, singing his praises to them
Crabbe and Goyle, Crabbe and Goyle
Every morning escort me
Through halls and corridors
Hitting other kids for me.
Following me wherever I roam,
Grunting like a bear,
Crabbe and Goyle, Crabbe and Goyle
They're a most helpful pair.
Draco gets into bed. Before he nox the lights, we see the blissful expressions of Greg and Vince as they're already snoring
A filk by dianahawthorne adapted from the song The Lonely Goatherd from The Sound of Music.
This filk is about Aberforth Dumbledore and Poppy Pomfrey.
High on a hill was a blue-eyed goatherd
Layee odl, layee odl layee-oo
Loud was the voice of the blue-eyed goatherd
Layee odl, layee odl-oo
Folks in a town that was quite remote heard
Layee odl, layee odl layee-oo
Lusty and clear from the goatherd's throat heard
Layee odl, layee odl-oo
Oho layee odllee-oo
Oho layee odl ay!
Oho layee odllee-oo
Hododlleeoay!
A Half-Blood Prince near a castle moat heard
Layee odl, layee odl layee-oo
Kids in a boat with a load to tote heard
Layee odl, layee odl-oo
A boy wrapped in the folds of a giant's coat heard
Layee odl, layee odl-oo
Peeves and a bundle of canes afloat heard
Layee odl, layee odl layee-oo
[Cough cough!]
One pretty witch in a nurse's coat heard
Layee odl, layee odl-oo
She yodeled back to the blue-eyed goatherd
Layee odl, layee odl-oo
Soon her mama with a gleaming gloat heard
Layee odl, layee odl layee-oo
What a duet for a nurse and goatherd
Layee odl, layee odl-oo
Hmm hmm hmm hmm
Hmm hmm hmm hmm
Ode layee
Ode layee-ee
Ode layee
Oh Oh Oh Oh layee odl layee-oo
Oh oh layee odl lay
Oh Oh Oh Oh layee odl layee-oo
Layee odllee-o hododlleeoay!
One pretty witch in a nurse's coat heard
Layee odl, layee odl layoo-oo
She yodeled back to the blue-eyed goatherd
Layee odl, layee odl-o
Soon her mama with a gleaming gloat heard
Layee odl, layee odl lay mmm mmm
What a duet for a nurse and goatherd
Layee odl, layee odl-o
Happy are they layee odllayee-o oh layee odlayee layee-o
Soon their duet will become a trio
Layee odl, layee odl layee-o
Ode lay-ee
Ode lay-ee
Ode lay-ee-ee
Ode lay-ee
Odllayee odllay
Odllayee odllay
Odllayee odllay
Odllayee odllayee odlayee odlayee odlay!
Wooo!
A filk by Miranda Shadowind to the tune of My Chemical Romance's Welcome to the Black Parade, in memory of the characters wrongfully killed off in "Deathly Hallows". Single-parenthesised lines toward the end are background vocals.
CANON-DEFIER FANS:
We waited, forever,
to read it, Book Seven of the series
that started long ago
We said,
"Sure it's, the end but,
that's okay; there's still much information,
we really need to know
Such as,
Will Harry beat him,
the Dark Lord, and what happens before that?
Or will Voldy prevail?
And who will get together
in canon? And who will be forced to join
the ones beyond the veil?"
We waited, forever,
to read it, Book Seven of the series
that started long ago
But when,
we finally read it,
we couldn't, believe what we were reading,
or the damned gall of Jo!
Sometimes I get the feeling
She's into torturing,
of characters she knows her fans love so
Read through it all,
The rise and fall,
Fan favorite toll? A heap!
She says they're gone but we say this to Jo:
We'll carry on,
We'll carry on
And though you killed them off believe me
In fics and art they'll carry on
We'll carry on
And in my heart I can't contain it
The anthem won't explain it.
Book Seven sent us reeling
From decimated dreams
Your apathy and hate will kill us all
We'll paint it black
And fic them back
And we'll shout it loud and clear:
Defiant to the end we hear the call
To carry on
We'll carry on
And though you killed them off believe me
In AU fics they'll carry on
We'll carry on
And though our favorites lie defeated
Your pissed off fandom marches
On and on we carry through the tears
Ooh oh ohhhh
Giving you the finger and some jeers
Ooh oh ohhhh
Cease the extra crap
Cause we don't - like - it - at - all!
Let it lie?
You'll never make me
JK ROWLING:
My word is law!
CANON-DEFIER FANS:
Don't give a flying fuck!
JK ROWLING:
Go and try,
You'll never break me
CANON-DEFIER FANS:
They should have lived!
And half the "death scenes" sucked
JK ROWLING:
I won't explain
Or say I'm sorry
I'm unashamed
CANON-DEFIER FANS:
Last word should have been "scar"
Give a cheer
For all the broken
Listen here
Pissed off is what we are
I'm just a fan,
Who can't stay silent
about this, and so I sing this song
JK ROWLING:
You're all quite mad!
They're words on paper!
CANON-DEFIER FANS:
I - DON'T - CARE!
We'll carry on
We'll carry on
And though you killed them off believe me
In AU fics they'll carry on
We'll carry on
And though our favorites lie defeated
Your pissed off fandom marches on
Let it lie?
You'll never make me
JK ROWLING:
My word is law!
CANON-DEFIER FANS:
Don't give a flying fuck!
JK ROWLING:
Go and try,
You'll never break me
CANON-DEFIER FANS:
They should have lived!
(We'll carry on)
And half the "death scenes" sucked
Let it lie?
(We'll carry on)
You'll never make me
JK ROWLING:
My word is law!
CANON-DEFIER FANS:
(We'll carry on)
Don't give a flying fuck!
JK ROWLING:
Go and try,
CANON-DEFIER FANS:
(We'll carry)
JK ROWLING:
You'll never break me
CANON-DEFIER FANS:
They should have lived!
And half the "death scenes" sucked
We'll carry on
A filk by Miranda Shadowind to the tune of Funeral Sequence from Sondheim's A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. Italicized lines are spoken.
What is "Re-Fredding" you ask? It's the post-DH revival of Fred through one AU means or another, inspired by The Starhorse's fic, Fox Ears. There's a club for it both on DeviantArt and LiveJournal , come join us!
Special thanks to club founder Starkiller for agreeing to "participate" in the filk!
On a side note, Percy fans may want to hit the back button now. You have been warned.
THE SCENE: A secluded glade in the Forbidden Forest, where Miranda and Starkiller have just finished making an altar.
STARKILLER:
Gather around, and let the Re-Fredding begin!
MIRANDA:
Wrongly fell,
thus we mourned
With this spell,
be reborn!
A procession of Mourning Fangirls enters from the back of the glade and forms a half-circle around the back of the altar. Last to appear are two who bear a thick wooden pole to which Percy has been tied.
MOURNING FANGIRLS: (as they enter)
Ahh...ahhh...ahhhh... etc
MIRANDA, STARKILLER:
Ahh!
MOURNING FANGIRLS:
Ahh!
MIRANDA:
Slyth'rin was at his feet,
Gryffindor in his thrall,
All fangirls loved his humor,
And gall
STARKILLER:
And hair
MIRANDA:
And pranks
MOURNING FANGIRLS: (singing in the background as the "list" goes on.)
Slyth'rin was at his feet,
Gryffindor in his thrall. . .
STARKILLER:
And genius
MIRANDA:
And sexyness
STARKILLER: (quickly)
And don't forget his twindom!
MOURNING FANGIRLS: ("fall" is drawn out)
Oh, why should such a prankster fall?
In tandem with the next few lines, Percy is brought to the altar, untied, and shackled to the altar.
MIRANDA:
Trait'rous kin,
fam'ly spurned,
for your sin,
you shall burn!
PERCY: (confused)
Ladies, on behalf of my brother, I want to thank you for a lovely memorial. But don't you think I've suffered enough?! Cease your
nonsense and release me! I'm sure we can come to some-
MIRANDA, STARKILLER: (deviously, though still in rhythm)
Mwahahahahaha!
MOURNING FANGIRLS: (likewise)
Mwahahahahaha!
MIRANDA: (waving her wand over Percy and the altar)
Set the runes,
Stronger, higher,
Check the moon,
Build the pyre!
A handful of Fangirls pile split Elder logs under and around the altar before backing away. Miranda starts chanting in an arcane language.
PERCY:
What?! A pyre? What kind of pyre?
STARKILLER:
A pyre of fire!
PERCY:
Oh, a fire- WHAT?!
STARKILLER:
You must be sacrificed!
PERCY:
Sacrificed?! But-!
STARKILLER:
Fred will rise from your ashes!
PERCY:
Cease this madness at once! What you're doing won't work! And what will Mother say when she finds out she's lost another
son?!
STARKILLER:
We'll just tell her you're on holiday. Permanently.
Percy attempts to reply, but is cut off by a surge of energy from Miranda's wand that causes a large bonfire to engulf the altar pyre. He screams in agony, but not for long.
MIRANDA:
Slyth'rin was at his feet,
But we shall weep no more,
or find our consolation as before!
For now our precious Fred is reborn!
As she gestures to the bonfire, it dies down, revealing Fred alive and unharmed and standing on the unmarred altar.
RANDOM FANGIRL:
Look! Look! Fred's alive!
FRED:
And I'm going to stay that way! ... Oh bugger.
He tries to Apparate away, to no success, and is quickly engulfed in the mob of squealing fangirls.