She's really rather frightening.
If she's going to hang around, the least she could do is offer to pay
rent. But no. Every once in a while I do find a couple of dollar bills
on the kitchen counter, or some loose change on my bureau or on the
floor, but that certainly isn't enough.
In fact, though I don't like to jump to conclusions, I think she steals
money from me regularly.
I go to the ATM and withdraw a hundred dollars, and a few days later,
it's gone.
I certainly don't go through it that fast, so I can only conclude that
the old lady pilfers it.
You'd think she'd spend some of it on wrinkle cream. God knows , she
needs it.
And the money isn't the only thing she's taking.
Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate.
Especially the good stuff--ice cream, cookies, candy--I just can't keep
them in the house.

She really has a sweet tooth.
She should watch it; she's really putting on the pounds.
I think she realizes that, and to make herself feel better, I know she
is tampering with my scale so I'll think that I'm gaining weight , too.
For an old lady, she's really quite childish. She also gets into my
closets when I'm not home and alters all my clothes.
They're getting tighter and tighter every day.
Another thing:
I wish she'd stop messing with my files and the papers on my desk. I
can't find a thing any more.
This is particularly hard to deal with because I'm extremely neat and
organized; but she manages to jumble everything up so nothing is where
it's supposed to be.
Furthermore. when I program my VCR to tape something important, she
fiddles with it after I leave the room so it records the wrong channel
or shuts off completely.
She finds innumerable, imaginative ways to irritate me.
She gets to my newspapers, magazines, and mail before me-- and blurs all
the print;
and she's done something sinister with the volume controls on my TV,
radio, and phone. Now all I hear are mumbles and whispers.
She's also made my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier, all my
knobs and faucets hard to turn and my bed higher and a real challenge to
climb into and out of.
Furthermore, she gets to my groceries as soon as I shelve them and
applies super glue to the tops of every jar and bottle so they're just
about impossible to open.
Is this any way to repay my hospitality?
I don't even get any respite at night.
More than once, her snoring has awakened me.
I don't know why she can't do something about that.
It's very unattractive
As if all this isn't bad enough, she is no longer confining her
malevolence to the house. She's now found a way to sneak into my car
with me and follows me wherever I go.
I see her reflection in store windows as I pass. and she's taken all the
fun out of clothes shopping, because her penchant for monopolizing
mirrors has extended to dressing rooms. When I try something on, she
dons an identical outfit--which looks ridiculous on her-- and then
stands directly in front of me so I can't see how great it looks on me!
I thought she couldn't get any meaner than that, but yesterday she
proved me wrong. She had the nerve to come with me when I went to have
some passport pictures taken, and actually stepped in front of the
camera just as the shutter clicked.
Disaster! I have never seen such a horrible picture.
How can I go abroad now? No customs official is ever going to believe
that crone scowling from my passport is me.
She's walking on very thin ice.
If she keeps this up, I swear, I'll put her in a home.
On second thought, I shouldn't be too hasty.
First, I think I'll check with the IRS and see if I can claim her as a
dependent.
(sigh..... bet that strange old lady is on "her" puter too!)
What's a body to do??????
 
 

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