A Visit To the Doctor
             
            What Doctor's Say.....and
            What They Really Mean!
            WHAT DOCTORS SAY:
            "That's quite a nasty looking wound."
            WHAT THEY'RE THINKING:
            (I think I'm going to throw up.)
            "This may smart a little."
            (Last week two patients bit off their tongues.)

            "Do you suppose all this stress could
            be affecting your nerves?"
            (You're crazier than  an outhouse rat.)

            "There's a lot of this going around."

            (My God, that's the third one this week.
            I'd better learn something about this.)
            "If those symptoms persist,
            call for an appointment."
            (I've never heard of anything so disgusting.
            Thank God I'm off next week!)
            "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
            (I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?)
            "This should be taken care of right away."
            (this is so easy and profitable I want to fix it before it cures itself.)
            "Well-l-l-l-l, what have we here...?"
            (I have no idea and I'm hoping you'll give me a clue.)
            "Let me check your medical history."
            (I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending
            any more time with you.)
            "Let's make another appointment later in the week."
            (I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time).
            "We have some good news and some bad news."
            (The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW.
            The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.)
            "Let's see how it develops."
            (Maybe in a few days it will grow into something I recognize.)

            "Let me schedule you for some tests."
            (This should boost that lab I bought interest in.)

            "I'd like to have my associate look at you."
            (He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.)

            "I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
            (This one is the perfect guinea pig for the paper I'm writing.)

            "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
            (I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.)

            "This should fix you up.  I'm going to prescribe
            a great new drug."
            (This should get me a few bucks from the drug company.)

            "Everything seems to be normal."
            (Rats! There goes the beach condo!)

            "I'd like to run some more tests."
            (I haven't the foggiest what's wrong. Maybe the
            kid in the lab can solve this one)
             


               
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