BARON Von Tannenhausen turned to the two time travelers and demanded “What did one of you two call me?”
Clara and Calpurnia looked at each other before Clara said “I called you Buford.”
“That’s right.” said Calpurnia with a grin on her face, “And I called you Brutus.”
The baron gave Calpurnia a hard stare before saying “I knew that’s what you said. No…hey, what’s this? You look like Helga over there.” Turning to Helga he asked “Is she related to you?”
“I don’t think so.” she said, “She is an intruder.”
“Intruder my foot.” said Calpurnia, “Me and my friend are here because I saw four men from England come into this house for some reason. Now these four gentlemen do not belong here. We want them back.”
Tannenhausen looked at the two woman and laughed. “Since when does Bedlam hire woman shrinks?” he asked.
“I beg your pardon.” said Clara.
Tannenhausen continued looking at the two women and then said “Yeah, sure.”
All of a sudden, five more men came in. Four of them were the Beatles.
“They’re here.” whispered Calpurnia.
“Good.” said Clara, “Let’s wait till we get them alone with us and then we’ll sleep induce them. Then, we’ll take them back to 1965 Shea Stadium and drop them off. Buy the time they wake up, they’ll each think that they were having a dream.”
“Sounds like a plan.” said Calpurnia.
Then a voice from behind said “You!”
Both time travelers turned around to see that it was Ringo who said that.
“Well, look who just woke up.” said John, “Did you two ladies have a nice sleep?”
“Listen, mister.” said Clara, “We need to talk-alone!”
“Just as soon as we clear up some mess here.” said John. Turning to the fifth man, he asked “Now tell me who’s got your band?”
“He does.” said the man indicating to Beethoven.
John and his Beatles approached the man and asked “Hey mister, do you know you’ve got this gentleman’s band?”
“You’re going to have to let him read your lips.” said the man accompanied the four, “He’s deaf.”
John did just that. He looked at the man and then turned to the others and said “Hey, this man looks familiar.”
“He certainly does.” said Jacqueline, “He’s the great Ludwig Von Beethoven.”
“Beethoven?” exclaimed the Beatles.
John turned back to Beethoven and letting him read his lips he said “Is that so?”
“Is what so?” asked Beethoven.
“That you’re Ludwig Von Beethoven.”
“I am.”
“Isn’t that something.” said Ringo.
John turned to Beethoven and said “You know, Chuck Berry has a song about you, Beethoven.”
“John.” said Paul.
“He wants you to roll over.”
“John.”
“And he wants to tell Tchaikovsky the news.”
“John.”
“Do you know my temperature is rising and the jukebox has blown a fuse…”
“John.”
Turning around, John asked “What is it, Paul?”
“Look who’s here.” said Paul indicating the baron.
John looked at the baron and said “Well, if it isn’t that auto detailer who ripped us off last year.”
The baron was spellbound. “What are you talking about?” he asked.
“Don’t talk German to me.” said John, “I could speak your language too.”
“So you can.” said Tannenhausen, “So what?”
“I’ll tell you so what.” said John, “What kind of bloody job did you do to our rental? We said two coats of wax on the car not just one. You put just one on there and now you look at you. You all dressed up like you’re rich. How many people have you ripped off, man?”
Tannenhausen turned around and asked everyone “Who are these four men?”
Clara stepped in saying “They’re friends of ours. We came here to pick them up and take them back to wherever they came from.”
“And where did they come from?” asked Tannenhausen.
“Believe us.” said Calpurnia, “You don’t want to know. In fact, even I shouldn’t have known where they came from. It’s just that I stumbled onto a…”
“Anyway.” said Clara, interrupting Calpurnia, “We’re here to take them back. John, Paul, George, Ringo, can we have a word with you four alone?”
John put his arm over the shoulder of the man who escorted the four into the room saying “We’ll come as soon as we talk to ‘Ludwig’ here about copping this man’s band.”
“You know my drum has the name ‘Ludwig’ written on it?” asked Ringo.
“This is no time for triviality, Ringo.” said George, “We’ve got to help this gentleman.”
“No you’re not.” said Clara, “And don’t make us explain why. You don’t want to know the answer.”
Just then, there was singing in the other room.
Joy, beautiful spark of the gods,
Daughter of Elysium,
We enter fire imbibed,
Heavenly, thy sanctuary.
Thy magic reunites those
Whom stern custom has parted;
All men will become brothers
Under thy gentle wing.
“Do you hear what I hear?” asked Ringo.
“Of course we do.” said John, “It’s the fourth movement of the famous 9th Symphony of Beethoven.”
Helga looked around. Her daughter was gone. “Oh that brat.” she said.
The Beatles looked at Helga. And then, they looked at Calpurnia asking “Is she your twin sister or something?”
“No.” said Calpurnia, “But I think…never mind.”
The group followed Helga into the room where Calpurnia first saw Jacqueline play and sing. There she sat playing the piano and singing like a lark. Immediately, Helga grabbed the sheet music from the piano.
“That is all, Jacqueline.” she said, “You will not use your uncles music to perform on and you will not sing.”
“But mother.” protested Jacqueline.
“No buts.” said Helga.
“Excuse me.” said John, “I hate to pry but why can’t you let her sing?”
“That is none of your concern.” said Helga.
“But she’s got a beautiful voice.” said Paul, “Why do you not want her to sing?”
“Because she is betrothed to the baron.” said Helga.
“What does that have to do with it ?” asked Ringo.
“No future baroness shall sing.” said Helga, “And Jacqueline shall marry Baron Von Tannenhausen, thus she shall be a baroness.”
“I will not.” said Jacqueline.
“The discussion is closed.” said Helga. Turning to the rest, she said “I think it’s about time you left.”
“Not until Mr. Pepper here gets justice.” said John. Turning to Beethoven he said “Now listen mister, this was Freddy’s band before you took over. Now you could pretend that you’re Beethoven but that doesn’t mean that you could just take someone’s band away from him.”
Having read Lennon’s lips and understanding what he said, Beethoven replied “I did not take away his band, he left it to join the British Army.”
“Well, what to do you expect?” asked John, “He’s a soldier of the Republic.”
In unison, the Beatles sang
A nation once again,
A nation once again.
“That’s it!” said Helga, “All of you, out.”
“But…” protested Ringo.
“Out all of you.” repeated Helga.
Turning to Beethoven, George said “Sorry to ruin your lunch mister.”
At that, the six time travelers were escorted out of the house.
Once they were unceremoniously sent outside, the door slammed behind them causing John to say “Same to you, mister.” Turning to the rest of the Beatles, he said “We didn’t even get to see Astrid.”
“Who’s Astrid?” asked Calpurnia.
“Astrid Kirschner.” said John, “The lady responsible for our hairdo.”
Both Clara and Calpurnia looked at each other before the latter said “You’re not going to believe this but she hasn’t been born yet.”
“Calpurnia.” exclaimed Clara.
“What are you talking about?” demanded John.
“That this the year you call 1824.” said Calpurnia as Clara began to notice what she was up too. Calpurnia had her sleep inducer behind her back ready to use it on the Beatles. Apparently, she’s telling them this story to keep the four occupied as to catch them off guard when she sleep induces them. “That char…limo is really a time machine.”
“You don’t say.” said John.
“Well, look around you.” said Calpurnia.
“Sounds like you’re smoking those funny cigarettes.” said George.
“I beg your pardon.” said Calpurnia.
“You heard us.” said John, “1824! There’s holes in that story. Do you wanna know how much?”
“How much?” asked Calpurnia.
“Enough to fill Albert Hall.” said John. Turning to the rest of the Beatles saying “I read the news today.”
“Oh boy.” said Paul.
“Four thousand of them in Blackburn, Lancashire.” said John, “They were rather small, but they had count them all.”
“John, why don’t we just talk about the space between ourselves?” asked George.
Noticing the Beatles beginning to talk amongst themselves, Calpurnia pulled out her inducer setting it to wide field range. As she was about to use it, someone came out of the house.
“I was sacked.”
All eyes turned to see who it was: It was the man who accompanied the Beatles into the dining room.
“What happened, Fred?” asked Paul.
“What did you expect?” demanded Fred, “You gents interceded for me over me band and happens, I can’t even serve in Beethoven’s house any more. It’s all your fault.”
“It is?” exclaimed Ringo.
“It sure is.” said Paul, “Building up his hopes of getting his band back when it belongs to Mr. Ludwig.”
“Beethoven.” corrected Fred.
“Hey, Mister.” said John, “You really believe Beethoven jazz? I don’t.” Turning to Clara and Calpurnia he said “And we don’t believe in this time travel thing either. And I only believe in me: John Lennon. I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.”
Calpurnia turned to Paul and asked “Is he alright?”
“He is.” said Paul, “He’s just not half the man he used to be.”
“I see.”
And then, someone else came out of the house. It was Jacqueline.
“Jacqueline.” said Clara, “What happened?”
“Nothing.” said Jacqueline, “I decided to leave home.”
“Why?”
“Because mother doesn’t want me to sing.” said Jacqueline, “And she had me betrothed to a man loathed.”
“You mean Bru-I mean-Tannenhausen?” asked Calpurnia.
“Yes.”
“Jacqueline.” insisted Clara, “Running away won’t solve anything.”
“Then, what can I do?” asked Jacqueline.
“Be a good daughter.” said Clara, “Running away only makes you run into more trouble.”
“I’ve got a better idea.” suggested Ringo, “Why don’t she come with us?”
Clara turned to him and said “Out of the question. She doesn’t belong in our time as much as we belong in hers.”
“But we do have to help Fred patch things up with Beethoven.” said Calpurnia.
“Calpurnia!” exclaimed Clara.
“Clara.” said Calpurnia, “May I inform you that Fred’s termination was brought on as a result of four men from the future. And if it wasn’t for these four men, Fred would’ve still had his job.”
Realizing that Calpurnia had a point Clara agreed.
“You go ahead.” said Jacqueline, “I’m not going back there ever again.”
“Oh no.” said Clara taking Jacqueline by the arm, “You’ve still got a lot of growing up to do and we’re going to make sure you do.”
Then, the door opened. Out came Helga saying “There you are Jacqueline. What do you think you’re doing young lady?”
“I’m running away.” said Jacqueline.
“Oh no you’re not.” said Helga grabbing her daughter from Clara, “You go right into the house right now.” Turning to the six time travelers, she said “Thank you for stopping Jacqueline. Only God knows what kind world she would’ve been facing.”
“Well while you’re here.” said Clara, “We would like to talk to you about Fred here.”
Looking at Fred, Helga said “What’s there to talk about? He was demanding his band back.”
“Well it’s hard to explain.” said Clara, “But he wouldn’t had lost his job demanding his band back hadn’t it not for the four men who urged him to do so.”
Helga looked at the Beatles and demanded “What is so special about those four men?”
Clara was speechless. How can she make Helga take back Fred without explaining to her about time travel?