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LIFE TIMES PAGES
...being some events and experiences of life as I've known it...
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hello?... yes?... can I help you?... oh, you're here for the life times pages?... well you're early... nothing's ready yet... what?... the worklife staff sent you over?... figures... they're upset cuz of the recent layoffs on those pages... it takes a lot of people behind the scenes to get these words up here in the right order and all for you to read... the life times staff hasn't quite got it together yet... actually, half of them havent gotten here and the other half are helping out in other areas of the gardens... see, we were expecting this transition from work to life to happen weeks ago and most of the crew got bored and wandered off... give us a few days and we'll try to round them all up... until then, well...

welcome to life... sheesh, what am I doing here... I certainly haven't had one in a long time (how long and why are stories for another place and time)... maybe coming here to share will inspire me to develop one, huh?... a life, that is...

I mean, that is what the long term plan has been (for as much as I plan anything) for a long time (and term, for that matter) now... yes, to ride this crazy roller coaster and work my way back up to a more comfortable and less restrictive seat for the life ride... so I now have the means to relocate and choose where I want to live and that is where I am heading...

meanwhile, this is where I'll try to come about once a week to keep in touch with life as I know it so me and you might know what the heck's going on... just like worklife (who's running?... well, if you've wadded in this far already, I suppose you're not running... probably sleeping, but not running LOL)

the links (until this lifetime staff gets it together and puts some sort of proper introduction here) to other areas of the gardens can be found down at the bottom... just go to the MAINGATE if you'd like brief explanations of the main paths... FRONTPAGE is pretty much the front door... now there are other doors and even a window you can climb into... The Written Gardens are all you see here on the web from me, my words and stuff... KIT (Keep In Touch Pages) are the front door to this more personal side of the web gardens... also kinda like monthly babbling letters to friends and anybody who cares to read... WORKLIFE and this new LIFE TIMES area are more on a weekly basis... , though worklife is quiet for now... JOURNAL is a bit deeper cuts into my life and psyche... it's not a pure diary, but more of an abstract reflection of whatever and is added to anytime the words flow and recently that's pretty often... HEARTBEATS is a bit closer to the core than journal (where wisdom meets folly?) and otherwise very similar... and from each entrance you can choose lots of different paths... so start there or anywhere you like...

and now, finally (really... just goes to show - even completely unprepared I'll babble on and on and on), here are the weekly updates...


week ending November 14th
week ending November 21st
week ending November 28th
week ending December 5th
week ending December 12th
week ending December 17th
week ending December 19th
week ending December 24th
week ending December 26th






week ending November 14th

well alright then J

so what?... there's no life to tell about, we know this... so this is gonna take more imagination than worklife even... I mean there the challenge was to make dull repetitive monotony seem sorta interesting... here the challenge is to make something out of nothing... maybe next week LAM...

ok, ok, I see the good guys coming up over the hill to reprimand me... so I rested some, but didn't really relax and unwind... did a little work... and some writing... a pile of uploading to do... and still a bunch of things to do before I leave... service the car... one day, hopefully... a laundromat load of laundry... five hours, at least... final packing of stuff (got way too much food... alas)... final deciding of what to take and how (haven't found a trailer, so it'll all be piled on the car and the shocks will ride on hope)... the last odds and ends...

the weather report says 20s some nights this week and snow flurries... wind chills in the teens or lower... and long term projection is possible first big snow by Thanksgiving... ummm, like ten days?... what the heck am I still doing here?... we'll, it's just a weather report maybe... the dice roll...

ah yes, but there is a reason... was hoping one of my connections might come through with a place to stay in Orlando so I could save money while I looked for a place of my own... actually, I was trying to lock in a place I could move right into, but it's taking longer than I'd hoped and I'm just gonna have to head on down blind cuz winter isn't gonna wait for me... and that's life J


week ending November 21st

the time part is going along real well... the life part, well... I have been resting this tired body... and my mind has been elsewhere in these gardens (look around, there's life in here somewhere... it's still foggy and mostly memory and fantasy, but it is a sorta kinda life) so rounding up the wayward life times staff has not exactly been a high priority... and they seem to be lost in space somewhere... maybe they've forgotten how...

around here I've been veging... resting the sore back and assorted other muscles... I survived this year by shutting down much of my sensory apparatus and playing with fire... I don't know what damages has been done to this body, but as I re-connect the nerve endings man some hellified stinging is going on... lucky for me I have a lot of out-of-body experiences... would be real nice if I could collapes for a few weeks in some luxurious spa, but since I haven't won any lotteries recently, I'll just have to settle for this lumpy mattress (yeah, still probably better than concrete)... I'm learning what exhaustion feels like...

sad thing is most people probably never make the time to rest and get back in touch with their bodies... probably why they get sick and die... I mean... why they get sick and die broken and bent long before their time... I think maybe the longer life expectancy has as much to do with the increased leisure time of modern life as it has to do with modern medicine... now if we could only figure out how to resolve conflicts and release stress in healthy ways, maybe we'd live forever... well, I suppose we'd at least live better...

the best thing about this week has been finding time to do some re-connecting with old friends I haven't heard from in years... decades, in a few cases... and I hope to find some others once I re-settle into a more balanced life... some were inspirations for my writings way back when I started and re-connecting with them has inspired the writer to wake up a bit more... memories become fantasies and inspire words to flow... so thanks more than you know guys... some circles seem to break, some just keep coming round and round and round...

maybe, ultimately, they all do...

so this week life is about resting and reaching inside and sorting stuff out and re-connecting with myself and some old friends preparing the inside of me for the big changes ahead... it would be nice to take me along when I move on...


week ending November 28th

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (don't let the little kid fool you, it's not all fun)... up down turn around pick a bail of cotten... sit down fool around stop and pick your nose... or something like that... the rest of the verse will wait for another time... and so, another week passes in this slow moving process called life... still, life has certainly been a roller coaster this week... emotional life, that is... physical life has been rest... much needed rest for this body...

I'm still in Buffalo... the temperature continues to drop... I still don't have a place lined up in Orlando... the car still needs servicing... I still don't have a way to get much stuff down there with me... I still haven't sorted through storage to decide what I'll bring along... I'm probably not gonna bring much making for a barren life down there until I return for the stuff... alas... I guess it's gonna be more of the same as this year, but at least in a much better place... still, I don't want to spend another year without music...

I've got lots to lament about, and the dang ZIP drive is broken now which stops progress bigtime in the gardens and in many ways... but I'm focusing more and more hopeful than ever... and I've found some inspiration in favorite films the TV provided... and best of all, I've rested... the worst aches are passing, I think... and the energy level may be rising... and I've given notice to the landlord, so I'll be on the road within two weeks... the pager number that used to be listed on these web pages will be no longer connected after the first of December... I'd expect next week to be the last note from the cold north...

so this week I must get to work... car, storage, laundry, shopping, final packing... still welcome anyone who cares to write though... longing for sharing grows as I re-awaken... and the road goes on... and so do I...


week ending December 5th

eeeek, I'm still here... the thrill of living dangerously, perhaps... maybe plain old procrastination... or the madness and the method therein... of course I'll convince myself it's the latter in the end... LAM J

shhhhh, don't give away the end, there'll be no point in reading the middle then... it's got to be the going, not the getting there... life's the journey, not a destination... que sera sera... tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya [SLAP]...

  thanks, I needed tha [SLAP]...

  excuse me, I don't know what's come over me [SLAP]...

  ummmm, ok, I can stop that now [SLAP]...

  enough of this, it's time to...
  (who's expecting another slap now... well, no, it's time to...) sing!...

  yeah, it's been a boring week, what can I tell ya...

ok, maybe there's more info to be found in the journal... there has been some scratching the surface of deeper stuff... after all, this is the week for such introspective reorganizing according to my internal calendar... you'll just have to wait for the book and major motion picture deal for the full details... or at least until I get what's left of my written gardens out of storage (and face the bitter cliffdiving question I wish I didn't have to face - did years in non-weatherproof storage north of Buffalo, NY damage sensitive magnetic media)...

good time for a subject change... oh for crying out loud, what the hell am I still doing here? - it's freezing... hmmmm, perhaps another subject...

ok, ok, there has been progress (despite my babbling attempts to present a completely ridiculous waste of time)... I've been connecting with people in Orlando... I sent out a couple of dozen emails to ads for rentals and for roommate situations and I have some leads for places to stay... very good news... so a few days of heavy lifting and carrying down stairs and driving to the storage place and taking care of things up here and I should be ready and set to go... hopefully the next entry here will be from somewhere else...

just in case I don't get back before the holidays (I intend to, but who knows) - make yours wonderful and kiss someone for me... or make love... ok, hug someone for me if you don't want to get that familiar... I wouldn't want you getting your face slapped or your body into a compromising situation by being my proxy... take care and jingle your bells and have fun... with care J


week ending December 12th

still here... the weather cooperated with my laziness and desire to rest more (in other word, it rained a lot and made moving stuff and sorting through the storage stuff undesireable... fon't want the stuff in storage to get wet and rot and there's just no room in the garage to open boxes and move stuff around anymore... so... time passes)... trouble is, procrastination and self-pity breed well in this boxed place I'm in, so it's not as restful as it could be... and winter is ver very close... so finally, today I did get to the storage pace and the locks there were locked for the season once again... all that's coming out and coming along with me is in the car (except the stuff in this room, that's tomorrows moving and loading job)... and the rest of the stuff waits...

I'm shooting for Tuesday early morning to be on the road... I think... and if all goes well I'll at least have a place to plug in the laptop and write something here and maybe even upload it on time for next weekend... it's definitely too cold and the car is too loaded for side trips... and I still don't know how I'm going to tie stuff to the top... old car, hope the cleats hold... gonna be an interesting trip, especially if it rains...

I've finally stopped indulging the choco-sugar-fat-starch junkie for a while... fasted the last few days and coupled with the moving lifting and many trips up and down the stairs, I'm tired and weak, but so goes a cleansing fast... the writing catharsis proceeds at it's moderate pace, especially in these personal pages... digging deeper and getting to the heart of the matter... there's no word from the kids in Toronto, sad sigh... there is good news from Orlando so I'll have a choice of a few places to stay temporarily... I'll look for a long term place once I get down there... and that's the week in review for this week J


week ending December 17th

ok, I'm in Orlando... still not sure where I'm staying and the car's still over-loaded so I don't want to drive too much... it made it down here ok, even through bad weather which lasted most of the trip... figures, huh?... first snow fell just as I was leaving and hail fell and it turned to rain after about two hours... rain, night, over-loaded old car, 21 hours... so when do I get to tell all my tales to my grandkids?...

I'm at a friends for now but cuz they're in the process of moving it's very crowded and a mess and not really a place to store anything... still might stash the stuff in a corner... a little rest and I'll be out searching for the place of my dreams... or at least a clean safe place where I can dream...

I'll pop in and update here when I get a moment... online time is limited for now as I'm borrowing the phone line... check the journal and heartbeats for more updates as time permits... and coming soon, new start pages for this web world... got several candidates and I'm not sure which will be the one I choose... maybe I'll put all of them up and ask for feedback... will ya feed me? J

and now, back to life offline J


week ending December 19th

ummmm, like ok... its not another week since the last entry, but that's cuz I tried to update more often this week... so until I get a permanent phone line again, I'll slip an update in here whenever I can... did I hear screams? J

and I am pretty distracted... well, actually pretty may be an inappropriae word for most to discribe what I mean... bugs crawling and flying over everything... like living inside a roach motel... actually, not like.. it is... yeah, it's that bad... not enough spiders to control the roaches and the rodents make it undesireable to store boxes here even if there was space... but the car is so overloaded I need to find some place for the boxes so I can drive around... so ok, it's motivation to find another place faster, that's for sure...

so I'm trying to rest and relax and the last few days I've spent what time I can get online searching for apartments... this week I may sign up with the roommate search service I know about in town... and see if there are others... hmmmmm, driving, overloaded car... ok, I'll have to make some decision about the stuff... sealing the boxes and spraying with bug spray might work, but the rodents will go after the food so I'll have to leave those boxes in the car... so life's not changed much yet, still waiting for the shower and not a very useful kitchen, but that'll change... it'll feel much better when I can find a place so I can unpack and actually move in... it's 70 degrees during the day though J

one really big highlight of the week was being found by an old friend... perfect timing too, ironically, the day I was leaving Buffalo and dealing with whatever separation stuff and farewell stuff and all that insecure stuff... I might have a rather diferent view and experience of insecurity sometimes, but contrary to some people's opinions (nudge nudge lol), I am sometimes insecure and want to curl up and be stroked and nurtured and all that good stuff... being stubbornly independent and self-sufficient isn't always completely satisfying and can be very lonely... motivation to find friends here... anyway, that's one of my favorite things about the net, the re-connections we can find...

so that's life, how's yours? J


week ending December 24th

wonder of wonders once again... last year on this date I started this weekly update as worklife (cuz that's all life was then and most of 1999, work) cuz I found a job right on time... and this year, right on time again, I found a new place to live... it's not ideal, definitely still a transition kinda shared space, but infinitely better than where I've spent the last few years... when the world re-opens I'll buy a bed and chair and food and pots and other stuff that'll make it more comfortable... and I'll put in a phone line and cable and except for the room being small and having to share a bathroom, this is a very good move...

second milestone... the old computer was finally plugged in and if you know me, you know how important my written gardens are to me in many ways... well on that old computer is everything I created from about 1992 through 1995... the beginning of the last eight years of this latest chapter of this life... a chapter that desperately needs resolution and closure so I can move on to the next chapter of this life without negative baggage... access to the written gardens would expedite the process and make it much more meaningful... and not having access has been a secondary reason for the delay in resolution...

well, it didn't work... the computer wouldn't boot... it could be something as simple as loose chips or cards or something weather damaged... and it could be the data - the writing for those years - is lost forever... deep breaths...

one of the new roommates works with computers and he said he'll take a look at it when he has time... so I hope... other than this, the move went well and I'm gonna settle in to relax and enjoy some quiet time for the holiday weekend... and since I'm still borrowing phone time, that's all for now...

merry happy holidays, everyone J


week ending December 26th

and so it goes... another weekend, another week ends... the new roommies are quiet guys originally from the midwest (Indiana)... one's been here for almost twenty years... we'll call him Ben... and the other has moved around a bit from here to California and back to here about a year ago... we'll call him Jerry... and yup, there's ice cream in the freezer J

we'll get along well enough to share the space I think... and so it's a great transition from the rooming house environment of Buffalo... not as much space or privacy as I wanted, but ideal for the budget so a fair compromise for at least six months... and Ben, the owner, might want the place to himself come June, so it's good cuz I don't have to commit to a year's lease... by June I may be ready for another step up and back to expanding my personal world again...

a huge sigh of relief... and Ben and I (and Santa) got the old computer working so I have access to the written gardens on it... now I just need to get the files saved on portable media so I can be sure they won't be lost and readily access and review and edit and upload... this will be an intense time... I wish someone would be ready, able, willing, and here to share it as I've always dreamed of sharing everything... but I'll go it alone if that's how it must be...

the next few weeks will be devoted to reading and sorting through the past, editing new pages for the websites, and digging into the core of what I've called the latest chapter of this life aiming for resolution and closure... predicting how long it may take would be folly and a waste of time as the actually crossing into healed is a moment and the moment might last a year or more... it's already been years overdue on some levels... I can hope it will not take as long as it did the first time... and yet, this is the writing process for me... and I will milk the challenges and traumas and pains and beytrayals and abandonments and fears and every dang emotion I've experienced as much as I possibly can to reach for new levels of creativity and enlightenment and existence...

or something like that J


AND NOW... ON TO LIFETIMES 2000




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