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LIFE TIMES PAGES
...being some events and experiences of life as I've known it...



"I am exactly what I am
and not the way you'd like to see me be
I look outside long as I can
then I close my eyes
and watch my world unfold before me"


~ Anna McGarrigle - C S Holland ~





just as last week ended with the great feeling of goodness and generosity in the hearts of friends and strangers (appropriate for December, ya know?)... Nick (who from this point might be renamed Fagan) laid down some more rules, this time not asking me but telling me as if he's my father or spouse... he really needs some sort of relationship or family or life of his own... his latest kick is using his new cell phone to call the police whenever he spots something he doesn't like out there in the world... that's expressly why he bought the cell phone... it's not like he has a busy life where anyone needs to reach him in a hurry... anyway, his ultimatum (do it or move out) was about calling him if I am going to sleep somewhere else... so like if it's 2AM and I'm too tired to drive home, or if it's 2AM and I find someone else's bed to share, I'm being ordered to call him to let him know... talk about invasion of privacy, mom...

  as if he's on my mind when I'm out having fun...

he doesn't get it... he thinks he has the right to run my life his way because I live here... not much longer... of course he chose to kick me while I was down, knowing my savings has run out and January's rent will be tough to come by if I don't get a job real soon... the goodness of some hearts, ya know?...

anyway, he's crossed the line with his selfish control freak ways and I'll not coddle his intrusive part in my life experience with him here anymore...

I'm just being very polite about it so far J

grmblstnklsinanalretentiverazafras... hey, if the shoe fits... nocpdjavcf it...

he might not like it, but it's my life times... he obviously wants to try to control it and be more intrusive than my parents were allowed to be once upon a time, so he pushes his way into these lifetimes pages... I'm nice (well, most of the time... note that the next link takes you to the getting real gardens where some language may offend some people so click at your own risk)... I mean, I change people's names and don't tell anyone where I live (unless they ask) J

ironically, it's not the first time I was put out right around Christmas...

ho ho ho...

the good news is it is being digested and released quickly and if you can take the street words, you can read about the dickhead to your hearts content...

anyway, the resumes keep flowing out on the cyber winds and I started making follow up calls and being more aggressive in the job search... a few interviews later, I have a few good prospects that I'll hopefully be able to choose between them sometime early next week (the hope being they are still available after they finish their interviewing process)... then I may just put finding a decent place to live ahead of fixing the car (though the brakes still need work, they're much improved thanks to Rasputin and Floyd - the good hearted friend and stranger, now new friend, from lines of the the first paragraph) J

the negativity in this space is nearly overwhelming sometimes...

backing out of the dark cloud I live with and back into my semi-conscious life, I even splurged and went shopping for some fruit and bread and butter for the pasta... no cheese or sauce or drinks yet, I'm not that rich J

but as negative as the energy is from Fagan in this space, the week ended with the same positive energy from Rasputin... he surprised me with a treat to lunch... the world is not as horible as it would seem from this hole I've dug myself in Fagan's space... the sooner I'm out of this place the better... still, I don't want to jump into something else too quickly, that's how I got here...

first thing I need is a job...

and speaking of jobs, I did get to three interviews this week and had several phone contacts (yes, life goes on in spite of Fagan's attempt to control it and be the center of attention... apparently, this week, he's succeeded... {don't click if the word asshole bother you} hope he likes what he's inspired)...

I think the negativity and hostility of the political groups might be rubbing off on me a bit, huh?... ah, but if only you knew what really goes on in my head behind all the words and characters... shhhhh, look in the mirror (giggles) J

there's actually other stuff (besides the venting) to explore in the gardens so if you have time, head over to what's new and let me know what you think J

if you really want more you can find it in this weeks journals... and through it all I did revise some core pages to clarify better what I seek (and hope to avoid) in a roommate (and as soon as I find a job I will be seriously looking for a new apartment again... and for all the goofing on Fagan and silliness, I am serious about finding local friends so I hope some of you will check out my interests and wants and see if maybe we share some common ground we can share...

and local or not, you can still find all sorts of cool (and weird... and cool weird) people in email groups and local groups... so jump in and say hello J

and that's lifetimes for this week... I hope you enjoyed your visit and hopefully you-know-who got all the attention he can stand and will back off and realize that he can control only one life, his own... I won't be distracted from my journey (and the rebuilding process I must motivate myself to turn up a notch) and I won't change who I am... I care about anyone who lets me and want to share positive energy freely without expectations, inhibitions, restrictions, or demands... I hope your life is smiling more than frowning and in case you've forgotten and need to be reminded, I really do want to hear from you...

so say hello


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