my "Keep In Touch" pages
hey... you there
what are you feeling?
is there something that you want?
when you look in the mirror... who do you see?
would you like to know?... would you like to tell?
I'm listening... are you creating heaven or hell?
are you reaching out?
don't give into doubt
we can still figure it out...
still dreaming?... I am... and I'm still headed for that whole new world... still not falling in love again yet... but I am definitely closer where I live... and closer to opening my eyes to the possibility... peeling the onion... opening the doors... shaving the layers off the wall... connecting the dimensions of reality...
do you remember me?...
did you ever know me?... really... I'd love an answer to that question... dare you risk it?... trust, the unconditional level... who really does?... children... and some pets... and those called naive... few truly risk it all or anything close to it... I do... I don't always do it well... I don't always get it right... and I know too well how much it hurts to lose pieces if heart and soul entrusted to another... many years later, it still hurts beyond words... but it is still the only way I know that is right for me... maybe it is an impossible dream in this world, but it is the reality I choose...
the rambling intro is built in by now... so what about life?... I've only been coming here occasionally cuz there's so little to update... the physical life is still lonely cuz it's still all work and no play except some word play and my imagination and playing with myself (no, that's not why I removed my pants... well, not this time)... I miss sharing... even though I am virtually self-sufficient, almost everything is still more fun when it's shared...
daily life offline is still a challenge and relatively empty... all work, no play... fatigue and starved muses make for ... ... blah... ... sometimes... but I'm not anywhere near as down as I was at times in the past year or few... there's still little time (see worklife) or positive stuff to share about daily life, so I still neglect deeper sharings... like personal mail... but the dream survives and I will share as I used to (even more better) one of these nights...
see me... feel me... touch me... heal me...
still at that fork, but more ready to spoon than ever... and the fear of the knife continues to diminish as my inner love re-grows...
if you ask about the family, they're still gone... relatively incommunicato... what more is there to say?... not knowing where they are is even more challenging than knowing they're probably still living in a hell... innocent kids don't deserve that, but my hands remain tied... so I am continuing the pricess of moving on with my life... healing... rebuilding... and remembering how... approaching serenity once again... so if you want more details about me (you care that much?... pardon my disbelief, but... precious and few are the ones who really care), please read through previous and worklife and the journal and the rest of the written gardens... and then ask what you want to know... I'll fill in the details...
relocation is still the intention... mostly cuz the weather is holding up well and the extra overtime is available at work, I've moved the move back a month... where is still uncertain, as is route to get there, but I remain open to suggestions and look forward to the changes...
so have I thanked you for your patience lately?... well, I hope you accept my appreciation here (in those rare serious moments)... you know who you are... your words are the air I breath... and even those of you who only write occasionally, it is so much more important to me to hear from you than I say... keep the faith - the light at the end of this tunnel is closer than ever...
riding that train... but it's better than ever (see for yourself)...
please take good care of yourself... and please, keep in touch...
honest love, ric
PS... ...yup, it's a link now... seems a PS... can develop a life all it's own in these written gardens... who knows what it'll become when I wake up...
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