my "Keep In Touch" pages
hello out there
I'm still right here
still looking for a friend
still holding out my hand
hello anywhere
is anybody there?
anybody want
to know me
and share
and understand?
real life, huh?... it's lonely and all work and no play... well, except word play and my imagination and playing with myself... just look at the worklife pages if you don't believe me... that's why I don't have much to say about it (real offline daily life) and why it's challenging to correspond without babbling just to play with words cuz there's nothing new and virtually nothing to say...
I mean, after all this time (years now) I am still at that fork and all I wanna do is spoon (and have some fun)... I'm still in the same place, so what's to tell about?... I finally decided to save money so I can relocate and start a new life somewhere healthier and happier and more fun, but that takes time... that's what the whole year's been about so far, working and saving and working... I hope to relocate sometime in the early Autumn... I still live one day at a time...
and then there's family... my chosen albatross... they're still gone... incommunicato...
and not knowing where they are is even more challenging than knowing they're living in a hell... I mean, I am moving on with my life because I am actualizing the serenity concept (change what you can change for the better and learn to accept what you can not change... or something like that)... so if you really want more details (you care that much?... precious and few), check previous KITs... you can ask, but it might be like pulling teeth cuz there's so little to say when nothing changes... and I might not be I the mood to write about it... feel free to try to figure out this part of me, but please don't be offended if I dance a bit... you know the song?... he jumped so high... he never looked down...
and I'm still dancing this way, and paraphrasing... so I repeat the words... again...
I might decide to find the words to finally write the hard details of the challenges one of these days, but for now... I am doing my best to actualize peace and serenity and happiness inside me... walk on through the wind, walk on through the rain, and all that jazz... it is my wish to be a positive entity in this life... to leave this world just a bit better for my being here... I don't want to bring you down so I share the positive news... one of these nights, when I am in a tragic mood, I will write the story of family as I've known it... maybe I'm waiting until I can visualize it as a story someone else lived... yup, it's still just not ready to come out right yet...
so... have I thanked you for your patience lately?... probably not... you know who you are... your words have been lifesavers as I've floundered about on these rough seas... and I virtually ignore you cuz you know me too well and care enough to dig into me and confront me... and you don't like knowing I'm still climbing the mountain cuz you'd rather me enjoy life more... well, me too... it just takes time and I must do it my way... your caring and patience and understanding has been medicine for what ails me as I've been treading water and swimming from ship to ship only to feel the water rise again as the ship sinks... ironically, captain or not, I keep going down with them and some part of me just refuses to sink... maybe it's all the hot air lam... or maybe hope really is the best floatation devise there is... I still believe in love... and belief is a choice beyond reason... and I am still happy with my choices...
so still, inside, the peace remains intact... and the light at the end of the tunnel is still at the end of the tunnel and I am still heading for it...
oh slow moving train
still dragging my brain
I will not lay down on your track
vile poisonous dart
still piercing my heart
I thrust out the knife from my back
cold hard crushing rain
I must be insane
for this is the one real life fact
I'm still alive inside
and my smile is still wide
and for all I've been denied
and for the tears I've cried
and for all the love that's lied
I love the flames burning inside
for they prove
though I have been stir fried
I still haven't died...
yup, it's me... hello... still crazy after all these years... and still dreaming the impossible dream... and for better or worse, still living it... it's my way... and I've got to be me... all song references aside, it's what I do... who I am... still seeing rainbows through my tears... creating rainbows with my tears...
so once again I say the challenges I've experienced and am experiencing will not destroy me as long as I have a choice... no matter what I lose, no matter what I give away or is taken from me... I have a choice... my choice is to keep the faith in truth and honest love and nothing seems to change my mind on this... I want to be happy so I am... there's so much beauty and wonder and pleasure in this world that no matter how much pain I face, I can always find more pleasure... thats my story and I'm sticking to it... some things will not be changed, they are just too dang stubborn... and proud of it too...
so please take care of you my friends... and you too strangers, welcome and take care... I hope you check out the rest of my pages and get to know me so we can become friends... and friends, one of these days... tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow... and while I'm singing, I'm doing my best to enjoy and make the most of today...
honest love, ric
PS... ...yup, it's a link now... seems a PS... can develop a life all it's own in these written gardens... who knows what it'll become now LOL...
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