my "Keep In Touch" pages
hello Buffalo
I'm still here
is there anybody out there
who's looking for a friend
like I am
hello Niagara Falls
anybody there?
is there anyone who wants
to know me and share
and understand
I'm living in Buffalo now
and I haven't had time
to socialize
to talk to you
to meet some friendly people and share
I want to find some friends
you can read all about me here
RSVP
get to know me
and maybe we'll find we care
wow, it's been a while since I came here... busy with work... I did update those pages... there are three worklife pages now... and I updated a lot more... there's a daily journal-type thingee, though it's not being updated daily... and there's other stuff I'll get to... in offline life, I still don't have time for life outside of work, so I'm lonelier than ever when I have time to think about it... I want someone to play with... if you want more info (and I hope you do), check here... and this Keep In Touch update and the last one will lead to more info about me... but then, so will many others... here's a way to leave me a quick message (please? J )...
email me or ICQ if you want my phone number, or leave me a message with this, especially if you're near enough to share some activity offline... or give me your number and I'll call you... if you want to be in my address book, let me know and you'll receive mail from me when I finally start writing email again... if you're into email, check out some mailing lists... we could just talk about the weather...
ok, ok... the weather is going too far... so where have I been... this was supposed to be (as the intro tried to say) corespondence of sorts... a way to send everybody I know a letter in the limited time I have... and some of you have reminded me (thanks for caring) that while I've been babbling a lot and having some fun with words, I haven't actually been sharing much about what's going on in life here other than worklife and loneliness... I've been avoiding mentioning some stuff, huh?...
well, I've been avoiding thinking about some stuff too... if you have been with me for a while, or if you caught up by reading from the beginning of this KIT path... well... I'm still at that fork in the road I mentioned last year about this time... and things got a heck of a lot more challenging along the way (a laptop or any computer anybody might be getting rid of would still help a great deal)... in the past two years I spent time living on the street, in my car, and I'm still in this dirty little rooming house missing cooking facilities and a clean private bathroom...
and what about my family... I seldom speak to the kids I adopted in my heart and it tears my heart apart to know all they've been through that most would call hell and to know they are deep in denial as they live through challenging situations... their mom, who needs me as a dad more than anything else now, has profound medical challenges to add to other almost unbelievable horrors she's been through and there's still nothing I can do but listen and send money when I have it... there may be a reason for the horrible abuses and tortures and negativity in this world, but I still wish I could make it all better... send all winning lottery tickets to (trying to keep my sense of humor, but want serious?... well, feel free to share any spare change, safe houses, cancer cures, and miracles you might happen to find along your way)... no wonder I focus on more positive things...
I might decide to find the words to finally write the hard details of the challenges one of these days, but for now... I am doing my best to focus on the philosophy that goes something like... change what you can change for the better, learn to accept what you can not change, and be smart and brave enough to know the difference... yeah, I paraphrased... it is my wish to be a positive entity in this life... to leave this world just a bit better for my being here... I don't want to bring you down so I share the positive news... one of these nights, when I am in a tragic mood, I will write the story of family as I've known it... maybe I'm waiting until I can visualize it as a story someone else lived... it's just not ready to come out right yet...
so... have I thanked you for your patience lately?... you know who you are... your words have been lifesavers as I've floundered about on these rough seas... your caring and patience and understanding has been medicine for what ails me as I've been treading water and swimming from ship to ship only to feel the water rise again as the ship sinks... ironically, captain or not, I keep going down with them and some part of me just refuses to sink... maybe it's all the hot air lam... maybe hope really is the best floatation devise there is... I still believe in love... and belief is a choice beyond reason... and I am still happy with my choices...
inside, the peace remains intact... and the light at the end of the tunnel is still at the end of the tunnel and I am still heading for it...
slow moving train
dragging my brain
poisonous dart
piercing my heart
hard crushing rain
I must be insane
for somewhere inside
my smile is still wide
and for all I've been denied
and the tears I have cried
and for all the love that's lied
somehow I still haven't died...
still dreaming the impossible dream... and for better or worse, still living it... it's my way... and I've got to be me... all song references aside, it's what I do...
the challenges I've experienced and am experiencing will not destroy me as long as I have a choice... no matter what I lose, no matter what I give away or is taken from me... I have a choice... my choice is to keep the faith in truth and honest love and nothing's gonna change my mind on this... I'm just too dang stubborn...
take care of you... and welcome strangers who've stumbled in here for the first time... I hope you check out the rest of my pages and get to know me so we can become friends... and friends, one of these days... ya know?...
honest love, ric
PS... ...yup, it's a link now... seems a PS... can develop a life all it's own in these written gardens... who knows what it'll become now LOL...
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