my "Keep In Touch" pages
wanna share?
(that's what I'm looking for)
wanna friend?
(here is my open door)
wanna party?
(like it never ends)
then live... like it never ends
do you remember how to pretend
how to have fun like it never ends
be a child, be anything you want to be
be a friend like it never ends
wanna share?
(what are you waiting for?)
wanna friend?
(here is my open door)
wanna love?
(like it like it never ends)
then love... never ends
ah (deep breaths... oooommmmmmmm... uummmmmmm... la la la la)... squeezing all the optimism and enthusiasm I can muster inside about life is the best I can do... and sometimes (like these days), the best I can do is make lemonade from lemons... lemons are good... high in vitamin C... I've been eating a more healthy balanced diet is good too and I've been doing that more often than not the last couple of weeks... and this past week I've reawakened more of the body with a touch of exercise again... reason for hope, reason for smiles (and those have been few and far between in these lean years) J
even though I am still in the pick myself up and dust myself off and start all over again time and even closer to edge edge than last month (double eeeeks)... I'm still hoping you'll reach out if you think we can be friends and I am still calling on you to come on out and play games and party (join us) with on the web or in Orlando (especially in Orlando... know what I mean? (sure hope so)...
come on my cloud
let me come on yours
let there be no limits
no walls and no doors
and if you are lonely
I've known lonely too
we can keep each other company
as we figure out what to do
(wanna have some fun?)
and once again I am not giving this update my full attention... focused on searching for work and focused on the December process would be the main reasons this time (one of these days I'll dig out my personal calendar and some pieces might fall into place a little better... until then, patience or come over and ask)... this lifetime is still very disorganized in this space I stay in to have shelter because I won't settle in and call home because that would make me way too vulnerable and there are way too many rules (it's like living with really strict uncompromising judgemental narrow minded negative parents... I mean the exaggerated kind of characature type thinking their god, ya know?...
in fact, I was recently told I had to move out as soon as possible because I would not guarantee I would follow the call if you're not coming home rule which is part of the keep in touch like we're married rule that control freaks seem to like... I definitely can relate to oppressed teens these days... but I'm not pressing any teens, myself (sounds interesting though)... the dirty old man laughs... at least I think that's what he's doing under the covers...
meanwhile, though I'd rather present a more entertaining life for you to read about, I guess it's only right that these monthly flybys reflect some of the negativity I live with... still, I must remember that beyond the confines of these walls there are nice considerate caring people here too and they make the world a much better place to live in... some major changes are needed now more than ever to get me back into that more positive world and out of this den of egativity... first I better get the brakes fixed (wouldn't wanna crash)...
yeah... brakes would be good here... lights too (name the film this chopped up line comes from?)... speaking of lights, that left headlight shorted out again... it's the bulb case... water gets in and shorts out the bulb when it rains... not a good thing since those cases are expensive... I'll consider trying some spray sealant first... once I start working... and until then, I'll try not to drive at night much... did I mention that the new front tires I put on last month cured the shimmy at 65 mph though?... see, not all the car news is unpleasant J
actually, Floyd, who is a friend of one of Rasputin's roommates, fixed the worst of the brakes a couple of weeks ago... Raspy laid out the money for the parts and Floyd said I can pay him when I get the money after I get a job... caring strangers bearing gifts, nice huh?... there's a big reason to smile J
just sometimes though... we found a leak in the brake line (the metal part) which is a pain to repair and so I've got to be careful and keep checking the brake fluid levels... it appear that the leak will only effect the left rear brake as the fron has a separate fluid well and the rear brakes are split with a safety valve for just these circumstances... so anyway, more repairs needed... the good news is it's still just ordinary repairs that any car needs regularly and not any major engine work... the car starts up and runs great (which is amazing considering it hasn't been tuned up in the almost 4 years that I've owned it and it lived through two Buffalo winters and two Florida summers)... isn't it fascinating?...
will sarcasm save us from the abyss of the mundane?... ok, I'll let you know when those major changes finally happen (even if you don't know you know cuz you don't read here much or at all... I'll slip waves of ultra-conscious out into your unconscious subliminally {if that sounds kinky to you, we definitely need to get out more} and figure you'll know or feel or sense or experience the sudden revelation of awareness somehow (oooh, ahhhh)... like ethereally or something else semi-X-filish... scientists can't explain it, so don't expect me to)...
and do you remember the resume?... it's still there... still not getting noticed much on these pages much (though it is getting a little notice on some job search websites), but then, not much is getting noticed in this web world... and on the other hand, this garden of words and assorted other stuff isn't exactly a professional working atmosphere so I probably should consider a different format and site for the resume stuff... I mean, I don't mind so much if anybody thinks I'm some sort of flake cuz I babble on long into the ridiculous, but it's probably not a very good reference for most of the professional world (unless you're hiring toons)... alas, the world doesn't know what they're missing... do you?...
and as if you knew I was gonna ask, Snow calls... that's Snow Wit (dontcha love these stage names I pick?... if you throw vegetables, please let them be etible), an old friend from back in the snail mail and Atari 1040 days... anyway, Snow calls out of the blue to check up on me cuz she's been reading the web world (somebody reads it regularly, amazing huh?... well, I know there are a few of you ut there so super big thank yous to you... my appreciation glands have been quiet of late cuz my frustration glands have been push into working overtime)...
still (cool music), you turn me on J
so thank you thank you thank you (and whether you subconsciously remembered the date on my personal calendar or not, the timing was serious)...
I still send out this kinda plea of hope that lots of kind people in the world will send my resume around and help me keep the roof over my head (not a joke this month... the rent money will last until the end of the year and that's it... and that's eating pasta every day {except when Rasputin or Helena or somebody just as wonderful decides to treat me to a meal... Raspy has been surprising me and taking me to dinner almost weekly which is like amazing generosity for this world and as big a super big smile as I can muster at the moment) J
and since my appreciation gland is waking a bit, here's a gallon of super big public thank yous to all you guys who care to read and help with a caring word or anything for keeping this mind and body a bit more balanced and healthy... I must somehow still want this challenge since I'm letting it happen again (but go figure, scientists haven't been able to explain my subconscious either)... I do know that the child inside me is still hoping someone with the means will come along and care enough to help me the way I helped so many along the way... yeah, there's always hope, right on and all)... at least pass along the resume?
and I drew further away from the online networking type things the last few weeks... except for some new ramblings in political groups... yeah, I created and joined some online political groups... can religious groups be far behind?... actually, the prevelence of cntrol freaks in those groups tells me I should stay away from them... this recent election mess that pointed out how precarious our rights and freedoms might be (not to mention the fact that we do not have the right to vote for President) that woke a bit of social consciousness in me... even more than a month later I'm still amazed at how manipulated we are every day, but much more amazed at how little we're aware of and how much we enable it by choosing paranoia and narrow control perspectives...
anyway, I've all but ignored all the other online stuff outside of these pages (though todays call from Snow has me reminding myself to check my personal email boxes and the older email groups again... I do test the patience of friends, huh?)... I did want to wait until I'm working to add that back into the life so I'd have a more positive attitude and something happy to share...
the good news about the written gardens growth continues to get better... the journals are flowing and deeper gardens are growing and that's usually a very good sign... so maybe the dark clouds are not blocking out nearly as much of the sun as it feels like at times in this space... a little attention helps ooodles (the guestbook and SLAMBOOK! are both still waiting, ya know? J
I am smiling more, huh?... did I mention I shaved my beard and mustache?... that allows me to see the flabbiness of the face and neck which leads me to exercise a bit (not running, but running in place with weights a few times this past week... good news) and smiling is the best facial exercise there is... I'm still not a very happy camper these days, mostly cuz there's no income and I'm so close to the street again and the living space is so oppressive and negative...
like the worst gas, this too shall pass...
still, this happiness thing is such a hard habit to break for me (and I'm still sitting here with that strange frazzled expression some might see as a smile and some might see as a frown and some might not see at all)...
the reminder must continue... I am taking the job search more serious this time so I hope not to get into a rut of settling for poor choice jobs... like I can afford the wisdom of patience right now (not)... a few hundred resumes have been emailed or faxed out and a couple of dozen interviews have come of it... one job offer, but I'm holding off on accepting until the results of a few other much more lucrative offers come through... waiting is the hardest part...
so the job search still tops the wantlist (in case you're interested in what I want out of life at the moment)... there's a whole lot to learn about me on the web, so anybody wishing to know me (who has computer access) can learn more than more ever want to know about me or another person... I keep dreaming of the person who sees me and wants to know me enough to find computer access and makes time to read all of me and still wants more (like even sitting in a library for hours a day for weeks to read it all... I am a hopeless romantic, huh?)... I don't want to believe I'm the only truly insatiable person in this world J
and he forces up a smirk (thank you Harry) J
any friends or roommates out there who really want to and know how to share?... alas... I'm not just looking for a decent place to live, I'm growing lonelier offline too... one day at a time, but come on, get here already J
ok, ok, I oughta wrap this monthly summary of this life up a bit... so once again I thank you big time for coming to the web pages and keeping in touch with me this way... it really helps much more than it may appear to, much more than words could ever express... you remind me that I may not really be as alone as I feel sometimes and that is priceless...
so (oh no, not again... this is really really getting rather repetative, isn't it?... rundundancy r us... and I deleted several paragraphs that said the same thing last month... that would be repetitive too, yup... not to mention redundant... again... and if I'm not careful I'll probably start saying the same things over and over again repeatedly... maybe even use the same words several times... and of course I surely wouldn't want to do that, now would I?... would I?)...
I've heard of wooden teeth, but a would eye?... it probably happened...
this was another month of not keeping track of films or TV or even music... haven't done much (poverty blues, la la lo)... this is definitely not a good sign... kick... doing a lot of nothing online and off (except when friends come around) and still not getting paid for it... moto-vation... moto-vation...
got to get my moto operatin...
alas... (kick)... ok, enough rambling... get back to hunting before I depress myself even more... I haven't reached maniacal laughter just yet, so there's still hope for me to recover completely... well, there's always hope for anything cuz anything possible, right?... but recover completely?... this toonish gent?...
gonna take quite a hello nurse for that...
that's it, time for the closing rhyme and incidental babbling... please check out the other journal stuff (links to worklife, lifetimes, journal, heartbeats, and bios journals can be found in the last paragraph below) for more info about what's going on in and around me cuz there's lots going on, just not much getting organized (and stil and again and on and on... waiting is the hardest part)...
so here I am still, just taking my time
looking, hoping, writing a rhyme
wanting a friend who's ready to play
looking for a comfortable place to stay
the light at the end of the tunnel is nearer
can someone see me through the fog?
the outside world is becoming clearer
trying to get realer
and I see some sun and I see some rain
and maybe it's time to stop riding that train...
and as Linda Rondstadt sang, I still miss someone
please take good care of yourself... and please, keep in touch...
honest love, ric
PS... nothing new in the PS, so don't even bother if you've been here often... still, when you wake up you will find that you're not where you left yourself...
if you want more details about me (you really care that much?... I ask cuz
precious and few are the ones who really care), then all I ask is that you
understand me (just me asking the impossible, huh?)... you are welcome and
encouraged to explore this web world and come to my window and dance by the
light of the silvery moon and see what I want and offer friends and check out
A Brief Introduction to Anonanonanon (Me) and more bios to get more personal
and then for more (if you have time and interest in my babbling and details),
read through previous KITs and worklife and lifetimes and then (if you are still
awake and really want more babbling) there is the almost daily journal and you
can listen to my heartbeats and oh what the heck, by then you must be either
crazy (or closer to the edge) or family, so just explore all the
new growth in
the rest of the written gardens and add yourself to my personal
address book
and meet others in the other email groups... and then, just ask what else you
want to know... and I'll do my best to fill in the details you ask for J
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