A Journal of Sorts
just like the one I used to know
where the treetops glisten
and children listen to hear sleigh bells in the snow
I'm dreaming of a white christmas
with every christmas card I write
may your days be merry and bright
and may all your christmas's be white"
~ Irving Berlin ~
it's such a simple song... eight lines that have become cliche reaching well beyond any season or holiday... it's a dream I've never fully shared, living in a superficial family that didn't celebrate christmas or any holiday with any meaningful depth at all for that matter (not even birthdays)... though I did come very close long ago one beautiful season with the Ricci family (still thanking them and wishing I didn't drift so far for so long)... what was always missing was the one person to share a common perspective and therin, all of life with...
sigh and sigh again and back to the song, the song itself is about memories and dreaming... and making dreams come true by caring enough and finding others who care enough to share enough to know enough to actually know what to do and then do it to help... when I suspend reality (as I do with films and songs), that's what it brings to me... it's a melody sweet and simple and unintrusive that I never tire of... then again, I hadn't heard it in a couple of years, so nostalgia was ripe for the picking as the film surprised me today...
it's such a corny film... and so full of outdated references and hollywood shortcuts and misguided loyalties from my perspective (which would probably be labeled pacifist or even pinko by some)... and yet the basic emotional twists in the story line are done so well (with a lot of help and fill in and re-write from imagination)... yeah, the film is predictable and superficial and cliche... there's no character development and a whole lot of incongruous story flaws, but still... it always brings tears...
especially when I haven't slept or eaten in two days and did some heavy moving and crossed a profound emotional memory bridge myself just before dragging myself back laying down and finding the channel I left the TV on scheduled this for this very moment... yes, for better or worse, the trip to the storage place has been made and I mostly packed the interior of the car... and sadly, no CDs or tapes or musical stuff could fit... the computer boxes just take up too much room... maybe I should have removed the stuff from their boxes, but then... the boxes will be furniture in a temporary place... and there was just no time or space to rearrange the storage boxes enough to open them and sort through them and find anything specific... too dang cold (I'm typing with gloves on)...
all the more reason to get settled and find stable income so I can afford to move all the stuff down and a big enough place to keep it in... eventually, to unpack it all and finally decide what to keep and what to dispose of... garage sale every weekend?... maybe even a booth in a flea market?... maybe open a book/music/video/toy/game store... yeah, there's that many things...
(hey, I can dream again :)
but all the dreaming leads right back to the original dream... to share... to find the one who shares the same interests and dreams so we can combine our energy and stuff and actualize the dreams together... it's not about the season or the weather or the holidays or a corny old film... it's the dream... heck, keep the white christmas, all I ever wanted was the one J
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