...THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...
... my "Keep In Touch" pages ... my "Keep In Touch" pages ... my "Keep In Touch" pages ... my "Keep In Touch" pages ... my "Keep In Touch" pages ...
A Journal of Sorts
"and this is why my eyes are closed
it's just as well for all I've seen
and so it goes, and so it goes
and you're the only one who knows"
~ Billy Joel ~
actually, nobody knows...
but I like to dream somebody does... when the unfulfillment of the dream is not too painful, that is... somebody I've known, or somebody I've yet to meet... the one... a friend... someone... somewhere... I want to believe somebody must know... the illusion helps me feel less lonely...
and so it goes, and so it goes...
I sat in on Ben's bowling league meeting tonight cuz I'm offering my tech support services for their email group... I don't know if they'll even use the egroup, but Ben created it for them as their President and since he's leaving he asked me to help out... I decided not to join for bowling... there's already too much time taken by the computer group and I want free time for a social life when I finally find more people who can relate to me and maybe someone to spend a lot more time with... and besides, the money it would cost can pay for a cell phone and I think I want one instead of a pager once I get back to working for income (as opposed to working for free) again... it would be nice to be appreciated and compensated, but I can be realistic... I'll settle for being reasonably fairly compensated...
the surface mixes with the depths to create a murky oooze today...
and so another year passes in the life of one of the people I gave my heart, soul, and more... quite literally and figuratively, everything to... I survived, I think... I wonder where she is now... I still don't feel like tapping into the memories for rhymes much... still too much hope and sadness, if that makes any sense to you... and I don't want to waste it... I'd like to use it with someone who can understand and appreciate the creativity it can inspire... and more than ever I'm ready to accept a collaborator who is not the one... anyone truly devoted to singing and/or songwriting and nurturing the muses... anyway (that's all, huh?), I hope all is well and peace and happiness finally came to her... I would be there if I was wanted...
maybe I give too much... maybe I feel too much... maybe I want too much... everyone who's come close to me sorta says so... though it's always couched in their inadequacy as they reassure me it isn't me... I'm told everyone should be as open and giving and trusting as me and the fears that make others suspicious and greedy and fake are wrong... a lot of help it is, being told I'm right... if I'm so right, why am I still so alone...
of course I know why... I'm just pondering aloud... or is that wallowing... what I don't know is why fear seems to be so powerful for so many... why confusion and self-loathing, or at least self-denial and doubt are so empowered... don't you know it's your choice?... you don't have to be afraid inside... whatever the world does, whatever experiences you have, you are what you want to be inside... no one and nothing can change that but you... so why not be happy and secure and as beautiful and loving and trusting and giving as you can be?... that is how to be the most you can be...
why be any less?...
sometimes I think I've always know everything I've ever needed to know and everything is exactly as it's supposed to be...
and sometimes I wonder...
Happy Birthday Gail
