...THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...

... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ...
2000 HEARTBEATS

"I'm feelin' kinda loose I'm feelin' kinda mean 
I've been feeling kinda wild since I turned seventeen
  or is it madness...
tell me where can a woman find any kind of peace
when does the fury and the agony cease
   how long have I got to say please...
there's a hole in my jeans I only wanted to fade
I've been ripping out seams somebody else made
  tonight...

heavy
ain't it heavy
ain't the night heavy


~ Melissa Etheridge ~




what do you do with feelings when no one's around to share them?
what do you do with your songs when no one's around the hear them?
what do you do with your heart when you are all alone?
do you have a way to nirvana completely on your own?

feel free to actually answer

morality tells us to love our neighbor, but keep our legs closed and don't feel our bodies even when we're alone... it makes no sense except to justify denial... and betrayal tells us don't trust unconditionally cuz it hurts like hell... it makes no sense for life without trust and love is empty and shallow and to accept that, I'd have to be in denial... I don't like denial... it's poison for my heart...

  it's too much like hypocrisy and I am repulsed by hypocrisy...

that's why I'm digging into primal parts of me in my gardens, part of what the new BIOS is about... too much sharing with people in denial tears me away from the roots and core of my personal sensory awareness... that's part of why I right, to keep in touch with myself when I'm alone and others don't want to me or share... truth is, you don't use it (or at least remember to right it down) you lose it... so the deeper feeling on every level must be stirred and reawaked and brought out... and I'd love to find others who undertand what I mean and who are willing to help inspire the process... who can still trust and love honestly...

alas, aside from children, people who can and will are challenging to find... but I keep writing and sharing my words every way I can... that's my primary way (to answer my own question, if you haven't read enough ot my webworld to already know)... I used to sing and run to stay more in touch with this body when alone, but it's been a couple of months without running and a few years without singing and that's very bad news... need music and an air conditioner in the car...

but more than anything, to fulfill my desires I need to share... so I need to find someone who can and will share love and trust unconditionally in completely open and honest ways on every level... and I've gotta continue believing I know you're out there somewhere... and ultimately, that is my survival techique...

  I believe...

I believe in myself, my senses, my dreams,
 and the relativity of anything being possible...
so I believe my dreams can and will come true...
 someday my princess will come...

when all is said and done, a your deepest desire level,
don't you want to be somebody's baby?



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