...THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...

... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ...
2000 HEARTBEATS


"I believe in music 
 I believe in love"

~ ~



up and down and spinning around... six new CDs arrived yesterday and that was inspiration enough to stay up all night and when I finally fell asleep I slept about 3 hours and am energized all over again... the bittersweet memories of music are some of the most profound of all feelings... deep, deep breaths...

it was apparently enough to wake enough creative muses to allow some growth in the gardens and some fantasies to blossom from fleeting glimpses and sounds and sparks and mists in the air... today I am in love with Nicole deBoer J

must be some residual influences of living in and around Toronto (if the fantasies are starting than the healing is progessing... amazing, but that's another realer story)... anyway, since the likelihood of her responding before the magic moment wears off, I'll just enjoy it the way I do most fantasies, through words and whatever stimuli I can find... here's her Webring in case you're interested...

and here am I in case she is J

still hoping someone will see the love through the fears, the smiles through the tears, the hope through the pain, and the rainbows through the rain without ignoring the fear, tears, pains, or rains and yet, without over-empowering them either... does anybody remember laughter?... I know the balance is possible because I live it in this life... always within and until I gave recent years the toll of human conditions, actualized in the physical world... a few times, quite close to perfected... those were magic moments, for sure... and the old song may be calling me back there once again... missing tape 72... and the magic moment... so different and so new, but like any other... maybe I'm reaching... maybe... maybe I'm wrong... to go on remembering... to sing my song...

music still haunts (I suppose that's a good sign)... I think I understand ghosts much better now... they are just those energies we are too afraid to believe in to make real again, but subconsciously know very well are still very real within us and just need more love and less fear to be real again... changed, but still real... why did (or should that be does?... am I even a thought, is the present circumstances of the life I live even a conscious presence in her life?... another her... skimming along the fantasies sometimes a shoe drops and kicks up some deeper realities... after all, it was for her I gave up everything and live as I do now) she want me to do it without the music?... without the me I created for decades?... what is this proving other than all we do in life is meaningless except for the memories we can do something with at the moment by believing the moment is not meaningless even though we know it is (we have proof now, don't we?) a moment later?... anybody following any of this?...

maybe I need to be singing... maybe we all do... but there's the rub... fear keeps humanity down... and then... humanity keeps fear alive... self-fulfilled failure... and who dares notice or face or accept or admit it?... only the shadows and the fools and if you listen real close... the heartbeats...

lub-dub



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