...THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...

... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ... my   "Keep In Touch"   pages ...
2000 HEARTBEATS

some of our stories fade as we grow older
some get sweeter every time they're told

that's the way I remember it
I remember it that way
from the days I was living it
I remember it that way

~ Tommy Sims - Tony Arata ~



and so it goes... in the end I know where I will be... and how I will heal... I will remember the positive and create the memories that best fit our intentions, for that is what should have been and ultimately, is most real... and in focusing on intentions and the fantasies we wanted to actualize it becomes much easier to forgive the actions that... hurt... playing mind games together apart...

wishing for the musical soundtrack I created to remember myself and the life I've lived and all I've learned and lamenting and feeling sorry for myself for trusting someone with such a vital aspect of my personal self and stuff and getting betrayed as I was... repeating the basement boxes betrayal of earlier years... not wanting to believe anyone would actually do it knowing me and all the details... it's delayed mourning which has delayed healing... maybe that was the intention all along, to destroy... to prevent healing... to scar me deeper and uglier than ever before... to leave a mark, like branding cattle or horses...

  sadly (and painfully), it's becoming a whatever...

the saddest part is the kids that shall carry the legacy of cruelty that continues and may be permanent as the earlier life cruelty was for all I know... but I left the decision and power in anothers hands... I trusted unconditionally... and that makes remembering positively a challenge to do honestly... such a waste...

  deliberate cruelty may be the saddest legacy of all...

for a parent to do that to children proves that some hearts and minds are so confused and disturbed that they refuse healing and continue the legacy of cruelty... and the children will choose between the programming or to reject the family legacy and start a new geneology a detached as possible from the legacy... the latter path is as lonely as life gets unless someone is found who can and will hare the challenge and even then, it's so different from the norm that it is a profound challenge at times... instinct reaches for roots...

hopefully the kids will step away from the pattern and follow the heart path they have in them... hopefully they will remember that it is their choice...

  still wishing I could help...

and it takes me back to remembering how I survived and hopefully broke from the patterns I witnessed as a child... but as those who've been closest to me have reminded me too often, I'm different... still, hope and idealism and every ounce of my being wishes to believe I am not the only one... am I?...



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