BORED?
me too
RANTS IN MY PANTS
...WHEN I GOTTA GO, I JUST GOTTA GO...
...no one knows what it's like...
Who Cares?...
THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...
BORED?
me too
RANTS IN MY PANTS
...WHEN I GOTTA GO, I JUST GOTTA GO...
...no one knows what it's like...
Who Cares?...
March 19, 1999
yeah, it's me again... bored out of my mind with this world and so, I'm returning to my mind where it's not nearly as boring... like, HELLO!... is anybody home?... is anybody there?...
maybe you don't get it... or maybe you're just too afraid to do anything but read... afraid of me?... if you only knew how ridiculous the thought is, you'd be laughing too... whatever, you don't exist for me if you don't let me know somehow... I mean, what if you fell or something... in a forest, even... wouldn't you want to be heard?...
I respond, therefore I am...
ok Joe-Bob Descartes writes in and wants to know this...
"are you a tree?"...
don't line up all at once to answer now...
and really, don't you just hate the crap out of it when you're hungry as hell and you find the patience to go through the trouble to cook food you really like and it's so damn hot it burns the crap out of the roof of your mouth and tongue so you can barely taste it after the third bite but you're so flippin hungry that you just won't wait and it keeps burning and tasting like nothing but too ding-dang hot and you say to yourself, "why the heck didn't I go pick up some food which would have been ready faster or eat out like I thought about on the way home?"...
things I thought about on the way home...
ice cream...
warm climates...
melding with someone...
I want to love and be loved unconditionally...
should I pick up food or cook something...
why is that red light so long?...
man, she's beautiful from behind, I wish she'd turn around...
I must be lonely...
chocolate ice cream...
how can I motivate you to respond?...
was that a stop sign?...
no officer, I didn't see it... I was thinking about something else...
there is no point to this... I'm just bored... I mean, what are you doing?... yeah YOU!... the cute little one hiding behind all that hair... thought I couldn't see you, huh?... just sitting there reading without telling me?... what fun is that for me?... heck, what fun is that for you?... well ok, ok... don't get your dander in a drift... I do have fun reading and writing by myself... but still - I wanna share something, dang it!...
so maybe you don't even cook, but you eat, don't you?... and you've heard of forests, right?... well, a tree fell and I heard it and I want everybody to know, starting with you... it doesn't have to make sense, just share something... if I was there right now I'd find your most ticklish tickle spot and tickle the blues right out of you... or are they the blahs... hey, is blahs where the term blase (missing the accent marks, bring them over when you come, ok?) comes from?... you know, blahs-eh?... where do you come from, anyway?...
WAKE UP!!
what do you mean you weren't alseep?... I didn't mean it literally, you know that... of course you did, you've been driving for years and still shop in the 7-14 department... it'll never change, get over it... I'll love you just the way you are... you're adorable... come on, show me your tattoo...
what?... no tattoo?... that's ok, I don't like needles either... don't even want to be pierced... fashion doesn't have to hurt and I don't have to fit in or rebel that bad... heck, there's plenty of stuff in this world that's gonna hurt me in this life without me helping by hurting myself... so we'll just body paint with chocolate syrup, ok?... yeah, we can use other flavours too... rainbows are fun...
yeah right... so when you coming?... the hot fudge is gonna get cold... whip cream and cherry?... there must be some way to get through to you... why don't you just tell me now and save all the time wasted by blindly grasping at straws?... I can keep a secret... heck, I can keep a few...
I've got to get out of this place... if it's the last thing that I ever do... alas, maybe it's too much to ask for somebody to actually pick up on every song cue... heck, some of them are slipped in subliminally by my subconscious when I'm looking the other way... but that's no excuse... must I link every song cue to it's corresponding page?... do you know what I'm referring to?... are you paying attention or is that too expensive for you?... I've gotta get a message to you, blast... I know you're out there somewhere... somewhere... there's a place for us... so where the heck are you?...
the lunatic is on the grass, as usual... remembering days... and nights too, one of these nights, for that matter... or for this matter, for that matter... what matter?... trying to motivate you to respond, that's what matter... what motivates you?... what matters to you?... we're all matter after all... matter and energy, if it matters to you at all... does anybody care?... is anybody there?... something's burning somewhere... it could be you...
maybe you're dead and you don't know it yet...
what's the matter?... what's the point?... I could rant and scream in f-ing shock value adjectives that might f-ing suggest how f-ing emotional I can f-ing be - or it just might just suggest my emotional vocabulary has diminished to a few all too common often repeated fully redundant virtually meaningless generalized shock-value adjectives... but I'm not really here to shock you... and I'm not even here to wake you up, but that would be nice... I'm just trying to let you know I'm here and scream out HOPE!... yes,
HOPE!...
I hope you hear me - now read this (read my fingers) - I want to share... RSVP... send a message... let me know you're out there... let me know you're alive... breathing... check you pulse... what is it?... are you thinking?... feeling?... reading with more purpose than to idly pass the time?... time is so precious, let's not waste too much... share...
see, I told you I was bored... and I'm tired too... this is a low rent rant... fueled by generic brand chocolate chip cookies... low energy... maybe I need to turn up the music... what music... I am so tired of the radio stations playlists... even the classical station can't seem to find enough different pieces to keep my interest... I figure these radio program managers might figure out that they won't keep listeners if they keep playing the same songs, but nooooo... maybe they know something I don't... maybe people want to hear the same 40 songs played over and over... that use to be AM Top 40... all commercialism and bubble gum and gimmics and a little bit of music... FM used to be coool... what happened?... now it's FM Top 40 commercials and DJ egos and all sorts of games and contests and voice-overs claiming they play the most music... you don't have to sell it if you do it... there's no alternative frequency band for people who are really into music anymore... when did this happen?... I wonder if it was 1984... big bro and all... and I don't want my MTV, that's just as bad... maybe it's like the limited vocabulary I mentioned before, it's easier to repeat the same words or songs or whatever... easier... whatever happened to the human mind?...
wake me when the next rennaisance begins...
to be continued...
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