THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...)
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I should be sleeping
but I am here
I'm tired of dreaming
maybe you care...
green grass grows somewhere
I remember walking barefoot
feeling it between my toes
blue skys shine somewhere
I remember flying through it
in another life I suppose
deep water lets in no light
I remember swimming naked
feeling how the current flows
stars look so beautiful at night
but they'd burn if we could touch them
maybe that's the thing about love...
I should be sleeping
but I am not
I'm tired of dreaming
I dream a lot
bored and alone, it's been so long
maybe I'll write another sad song...
I have a phone that doesn't ring
an answering machine that never speaks
I have a beeper that doesn't beep
and tears are running down both cheeks
my family is far away
their phone is disconnected
and every day they do not call
I feel much more rejected
they never wanted me to leave
but I just could not stay
a stupid thing like a border
a whole nation got in the way
we waved goodbye, they went to work and school
just like any other day
and they expected me to be there to cook dinner...
it's been 18 months today
oh it's been 18 months today...
at first none of us could believe it
and then we all became afraid
and then another came along
to destroy all the plans we made
four kids confused, mother is lost
she would not fail at any cost
she wouldn't face the possibility
that she would hurt her family
and since I've been gone
she's gone in the hole
lost her job, lost her pride
and she's losing her soul
now she's using her body
to feed the family
and she's staying away
ashamed to face me
but it's not me she fears,
for she knows I forgive
forgiveness is kind
and it's how I live
what's behind these tears
is almost madness
she's shut down her mind
she's lost in sadness
she's shut down her heart
just so she can survive
and she wants to leave it all behind
for the kids she stays alive
cuz she's so afraid...
she's losing her mind
it's her own forgiveness
she's afraid she won't find
her mother always told her she was no good
called her a heartless whore every time she could
tied her up and beat her and called her a liar
when she cried for help - it was fuel for the fire
now she won't believe that she deserves love
she destroys any chance at what she dreams of
in her sleeping heart a sad child hangs on
still not believing that I'll really gone
for I'm the only one who's ever believed in her
and I'm the one she dared to believe
but she's afraid she's done too many things wrong
afraid she's not good enough for me
so here I sit waiting alone in my rhymes
silence the only sound
and I've turned the other cheek so many times
I'm just spinning around
when I tell people my story
they tell me I'm too good for my own good
or they tell me I'm crazy
am I doing something nobody else would?...
it's so lonely, it wasn't planned
I just want someone to understand...
if I give up and walk away...
then I prove her mother right
so I sit here writing this song
another restless night...
I should be sleeping
but here I am
I'm tired of dreaming
you understand?...
I should be sleeping
but I am here
I'm tired of dreaming
maybe you care...
oh how can I sleep
with promises to keep
that she won't let me keep
the question runs so deep
it may seem simple to some
it's easy to call me dumb
but love's either false or true
and a heart gets black and blue
when day is opposite of night
in a heart that's black and white
they tell me compromise
well what if she won't?
they tell me give up on her
well what if I don't?
they tell me I'm crazy
well what if I am?
if I can't be true to myself
I can do the best I can
but how can I sleep
with promises to keep
promises she asks for
behind her closed door
how can I sleep
when she's destroying herself
and I can't help
oh how can I sleep
oh how can I sleep
when my family is dying
when she's given up trying
when she's taken to lying
about everything
as if everything
is above her
oh how can I sleep
when the rhythm doesn't rhyme
when the meters out of time
when she acts like it's a crime
to love her
when I was created
to love her
it's so lonely, life isn't planned
I just want someone to understand my part
if I give up and walk away
I betray my own heart
what good am I if I sell out my ideals
how can anything be right
so here I sit writing this song
another restless night...
I should be sleeping
but here I am
I'm tired of dreaming
you understand?...
I should be sleeping
but I am here
I'm tired of dreaming
maybe you care...
I Should Be Sleeping
Ric Candor ©1998
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