THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...
(I HOPE...)

but I love her, I said
and I only heard the silence
felt like stillness filled with violence
how can I explain
what is beyond pain
she's left me for dead
again and again
  but I love her...
that's all I said

I gave her everything
she asked for more
I gave her the keys
to my private secret door

she kept me hidden
I wasn't real
so what about this feeling
I feel?

what about the pain?
tearing me apart
what about the pain?
chewing on my heart
what about the pain?
so out of control
what about the pain?
consuming my soul
  what is my role?...
  what is my role?...
  who collects the toll?...


but I love her, I said
and I only felt my passion
like faith that fell out of fashion
how can I explain
what feels like insane
how can I define
what's the bottom line
  but I love her...
that's all that's mine

words that represent me
she wanted more
I let her decide
what I am here for

she buried me deep
I was a bone
she chewed up and left me
alone

what am I to do?
with my ravaged heart
how do I protect?
what she's torn apart
she still has the keys
she still has control
how to I return?
to my own soul
  what is my role?...
  what is my role?...
  who collects the toll?...



(I ramble on here for a moment or few, in this world momentarily without music, to fill the void that would, if there was music, be filled with dissonant chords and some instrumental lead that pleads for an answer, that prays for release... music that expresses some unbelievable and unconceivable, yet simultaniously undeniable and therein unexplainable hope amidst utter desperation and sheer hoplessness... perhaps these words present a small taste of the mood the musical break might)



how do I go on?
I don't remember
I look at myself
I only see her
fingers search for keys
but they are her hands
who is the fool?
who understands?
  what love commands...
  who understands?...
  who understands?...

...

but I love her, I said
so beats my heart
love-her, love-her, love-her, love her
as it falls apart
everything I am
is hers to control
she's the only god
if I have a soul
  I hear the roll...
  I hear the roll...
  I pay the toll...

  I love her...
that is my role

  I love her...
that is my toll

I love her, I said
the purpose of my soul
is to love her
it's my only goal
it's my only role
it's my only toll

and even as I fall apart
  I scream...

but I love her
  and it keeps me whole...
  and it keeps me whole...

and it keeps me whole



But I Love Her

Ric Candor    ©1998