Dealing with and expressing one’s emotions can be difficult. Voicing them can be impossible. Yet as we face life’s most painful ordeals, it can be the most important thing we do for ourselves.

Spending long days and sleepless nights as a caregiver, being diagnosed with a terminal illness, or having a friend or loved one who is terminally ill, can leave a person overwhelmed by a variety of emotions. Some we expect. Such as: sorrow, fear, and regret. Other emotions can catch us off guard. Like: anger, frustration, and guilt.

While talking with others about your deepest feelings can be very helpful, not everyone is comfortable baring their souls in such manner. Not to mention that not everyone has someone they can talk to.

Writing can be a truly beneficial alternative. You can say whatever you want to, no judgment being passed down onto you, no right or wrong, just your words, feelings, and emotions on a piece of paper. No one ever needs to see it unless you want them to. You are your own safety net.

Often times the most difficult part of writing is the getting started part. Since there is no right or wrong way to do this, just grab your favorite writing instrument, a piece of paper (or a note book), find a comfortable place to sit, and start writing. Just remember to be honest about what you feel. Remember: no one sees this if you don’t want them to, this is your time to let it all out, to unburden your soul, to give your spirit wings again.

For those who may need a little nudge to get going, here are a few suggestions. But remember, writing is, for most people, a very personal thing. The following suggestions are just that, suggestions. What may work for one person, won’t necessarily work for another. But these may give you a jumping off point of sorts. I hope they help.

1) Losing a loved one can be one of life’s cruelest events. It can leave you with a lot of unsaid words, unresolved issues etc. Write a letter to the person you’ve lost, put down on paper everything you wish you would have said to them before they passed away. Plant it with flowers by their headstone. Burn it and scatter the ashes in a favorite spot of the person you’ve lost. Whatever it takes to give you closure.

2) Being diagnosed with a terminal illness is a burden no one should have to endure. Unfortunately, we don’t get much of a vote about that. If you have things you want to say to those close to you, but can’t get the words out, try writing them instead. It doesn’t need to be perfect, just honest. Use your favorite stationary, write from the heart, and mail it to them. Tuck the letter into a nice “Thinking of You” card and have it delivered with flowers from a local florist. It will help you resolve any unfinished business, and your loved ones will know how much you love them.

3) Anger, frustration, and guilt are probably the hardest emotions to express. We feel anger over losing our loved ones (or leaving them before we’re ready to), we’re frustrated that we can’t change our loved one’s fate (or that we can’t change our own fate and spare our loved one’s the pain of losing us), and all those feelings of anger and frustration can leave all of us feeling terribly guilty. It all takes a toll, and often makes us all feel completely helpless and totally without the power to get past these feelings.

Try writing your feelings of anger down on paper, getting it all out there, unloading all the negative things your feeling. Then take that letter, and run it through a paper shredder. As you’re doing this, tell yourself that you’re taking back your power. You’re letting going of the anger, you’re not going to let anger control your life anymore. If you don’t have a shredder, a sharp pair of scissors will work just fine.

4) As for the frustration, number three can go a long way in alleviating those feelings as well. Get all the bad stuff, the negative stuff out on paper, have a good cry while you’re doing it if it helps. A good cry can often relieve a lot of anxiety as well.

5) As for the feelings of guilt, writing down on paper everything you feel guilty about can be a great learning experience. Write it all out, everything you feel guilt over. Fold up the paper, put it in an envelope, tuck it away for a few days. Give yourself a little time. Then take the letter out, open it up, and read it to yourself. Look at everything you wrote as objectively as possible, and see if there is anything in there that you can change. If something in your letter is something you CAN change, work on it. If what’s in your letter is beyond your control, shred it. Burn it, bury it, and cut it up into confetti. And while you’re doing this, keep reminding yourself that you cannot change these things no matter how hard you try. Give yourself permission to let these feelings go, let go of the guilt. It’s ok. You are after all, only human. Punishing yourself will help no one.

Putting pen to paper is a very individual thing. You and only you are in control when you’re writing. It’s liberating, it’s enlightening, and it’s cheaper than therapy! You can use writing to express the good things too. It doesn’t have to be solely about the negative. Write about the positive, upbeat things you’ve shared with your loved ones. Let them know how much those things have meant to you.

The most important thing to remember about writing is this: It can give a voice to thoughts, feelings and emotions that you might not otherwise be able to speak. Or it can simply be a release for you and you alone. Either way, writing allows you to vent whatever is in your heart and in your soul. It can help you heal, it can help those left behind deal with their loss and in their healing.

So whatever your current situation may be, keep in mind the versatility of writing. It truly is one size fits all, the color is always just right, and it never goes out of style!!

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