Keep a journal... write down what the doctors say, how you feel, and what is happening.
Contact friends and relatives who live away... let them know what is going on and encourage them to send email, letters, cards and call or visit. It is much easier to keep in touch if people are informed from the beginning. Suggest people to talk about times they had together, re-live the good times... and laughter... and let the person with cancer know that they have made a difference in your life.
Do things NOW, don't wait, find out if there is anything that the person wanted to do and if all possible make it happen.
I kept flowers at my mother's... she was pleased and surprised each time I brought her some. Keep loved ones stocked with favorite foods, candy or books. It is not uncommon for people in the end stage to fidget... my mom loved popping the bubbles in bubble wrap... she even did it the day before she died.
I wish I had gotten in touch with my "inner" child and brought my mother balloons, blown bubbles and asked a few more questions. Look at old pictures together... rejoiced in the past and present.
I do not want to be negative... I feel it is best to "PREPARE for the Worst and HOPE for the best. Unfortunately lung cancer is often fatal, sometimes you can have life extension... and I have read about people who have had wonderful success with treatment and even some who have been "cured", sadly those people are a minority... I knew my mother was going to be in the majority... and was going to die. I found little information and support for that end of life road. Please do not take me as one who is all doom and gloom, just here for support of those on that road.
Don't say, " We will talk about that later"... things can happen faster than expected. Early in my mother's cancer she wanted to talk about funeral plans... once that was done she let it go and didn't want to talk about it again. Other people have told me that loved ones wanted to plan their funerals and talk about that time. It is not easy... but it did help to know what was wanted and have plans in place.
Find someone who will listen... efriends can be wonderful... writing is therapeutic... getting into print our thoughts and feelings.
Understand cancer is a roller coaster ride. Lots of ups and downs... good days and bad. Cherish the good and accept the bad.
Ask any question (be concise, if you want timelines understand that that is something that has lots of variables...); find someone who will answer... doctor, nurse, friend or hospice director. One question that helps in getting an answer from a medical person is to ask " If this was your (mother/sister or father/brother) what would you do?" Remember each person is different and your "ride" will be similar, but different.
End of Life: This time is so hard, you are dealing with lots of emotions and often caretakers get caught up in just taking care of things we don't even realize all what is happening.
Be informed, read all the end of life information you can. No matter what you plan for it may be different than you expected.
Hospice care is not giving up, but providing the best quality of life possible. Hospice care is for the last 6 months of life and can be extended. It takes some time for medications and relationships to be established with hospice... don't wait until it is close to the end. Often hospice can be used when treatment is going on... ask your doctor.
I was blessed to have a wonderful nurse and staff for my mother. I have been warned that all hospices are not the same... talk to the doctor, find out about hospice before you need it, if at all possible. There may be several in your area.
