Back to Page 1Esther,
By Christine
My MotherEsther, my mother, at age 84 went to the family doctor in April 2001 with complaints of unexplained weight loss and low grade temp... after numerous tests: x-ray, lab, mammogram, MRI (which showed suspicious area in lung) PET scan which showed cancer a 3cm tumor in right lung. Had a needle biopsy May 2001 that confirmed NSCLC (non small cell lung cancer). She also had prior to the biopsy; a brain scan, which was negative, and a bone scan which was inconclusive. Doctors did not stage... said early lung cancer (but from research I feel she was Stage 2 or 3... as they also saw enlarged lymph glands near the site of cancer. She had a co-morbid factor of end stage emphysema. Her health was already poor. She was not a candidate for surgery or chemo.
During all this testing you struggle to find answers to your questions... I would make a list to ask the next doctor (we went to MD Anderson for diagnosis and first saw... oncologist who specialized in lung surgery... then another oncologist for recommendation for treatment) it was difficult because we did not see the same doctor. I would have a whole list of questions and find they weren't even related to mother's case. We were overwhelmed with the diagnosis and did not get any real information about prognosis at this time.
When radiation was recommended we found a local radiologist who was associated with Anderson... the travel was too hard and expensive to continue at Anderson. He was very upbeat and positive... yes he felt it was worth the risk (side effects) to have treatment. He said he didn't like to give time lines... but thought the radiation could be successful... finally I did get a % out of him and he felt 30% chance of being successful... at that time treatment was to start the next day (July 2002)... I didn't tell mother I felt she should not continue (a regret)... but asked her if she was sure and she said she wanted to try. The first 2 weeks of treatment went fine... but during the 3rd week she was extremely tired was having increased pain and having trouble swallowing... lost her appetite and suddenly developed pneumonia (not one of the things they said could be a side effect of radiation, but found out later in information I found on the net that it could be a side effect)... mother got very ill and spent 14 days in the hospital.
On release she said she still wanted to try and went for 2 more treatments... and then quit. (August 2002) She had completed 21 out of a recommended 35. When we told the doctor she quit he said she would keep getting pneumonia and probably die within 2 months. (Was this a tactic to keep her on treatments?) She lived 5 months and never had pneumonia again.
After release from the hospital her health took a real turn for the worse... she practically stopped eating, was very weak and looked pale ... I talked to the family doctor about what he would do and he said hospice... I had picked up a pamphlet at the doctors office, but had not been told anything about it. I called the oncologist and requested hospice... it took me two days of struggle about putting mother on hospice as I did not understand that she would still receive treatment of all illnesses ... just by hospice if it was related to lung cancer. Mother and I discussed hospice... and her first words were " Am I that bad?"... It was hard but she felt it the best for her too. Hospice came (end of August 2002). Mother also developed thrush (yeast infection in the mouth) from being on antibiotics for the pneumonia... it was painful and took 2 weeks of treatment.
The surprise was that with medications from hospice (morphine and steroid) mother regained her strength and appetite... she actually had about 4 weeks in Sept.- Oct. 2002(took about 2-3 weeks before meds were totally effective) where she did things she hadn't done in over a year (like sweeping) and getting dressed everyday. She was out of pain and that was wonderful. Now not all this was rosy... she had memory loss, confusion and some personality changes... the first couple of days on morphine she was a little "drunk".
Also what followed was a roller coaster ride... bad days... good days... I always thought that cancer would be a continual decline. I was not prepared for the ride it gives. Hospice was wonderful answering questions and providing support. Mother's moods were the hardest... she wouldn't be the same person all the time, I saw mother leave in bits and pieces. This was the hardest on me. She seemed to want to protect me from what she could so my dad became her confidant. She would a couple of times tell me she was scared. But most of the time was the strong lady she always had been. Her confusion increased... and she eventually stopped being able to carry a thought, except she knew when it was time to eat ... November and December mother required help to get to the bathroom and finally started using bedside toilet. At first she could stand with aid and eventually I had to lift her completely.
About Christmas time Dec. 2002 mother started having more "signs" ... fluid in her lungs... meds from hospice helped, swelling in her feet... meds from hospice helped. The nurse and I talked and she said that things were progressing and she felt about 4-6 weeks. There is good information about the end stages of life at www.crossingthecreek.com and I was prepared for what was to come... Mother's eating dropped off some... but she still was eating even the day before she died (unusual).
Mother seemed very content during all these changes... I think her age and she had made peace with herself and God... she was ready. Well should say that there were "times"... mother would accuse us of keeping her in jail (bedrails up), insisting she still could do things. A few times when I gave her medication she would say, "you are poisoning me". For the most part she was cooperative ... and I learned to focus on what was needed and let go of the hurtful things.
On January 18th mother was in pain more and confused about going to the bathroom... we put her in a depends... she ate supper but at bedtime when I tried to give her medications she just chewed them. I got them out of her mouth; there was alternative way to dose so gave her just pain meds that night.
Morning on the 19th she did not eat... she was still talking some and told my dad she was dieing... she withdrew and yet was still recognizing people. I had talked to the nurse on the 18th several times (we increased pain med) and she felt mother still had days... so was not expecting things to happen so fast. She went to sleep that afternoon and then into coma (know it was a coma as my daughters nurse friend came and tried to wake her)... then she had some changes in breathing about 7PM. and within an hour just stopped breathing, that was at 8PM on January 19, 2003. It was peaceful and I felt blessed that she had been able to stay at home.
