To Be, or not To Be – a FRIEND

Romans 14:1-13

            We ended chapter 13 with the injunction to “put on the weapons of light,” and to “walk as in the day,” and to “put on the Lord Jesus Christ.”  Have you done that this week?  Tried to live alive?  Awake?  One of the clearest results of waking up and putting on Christ appears in this chapter – the demonstration of Christ’s love for the despised and rejected in society – i.e. learning to live as a FAMILY.  Let me talk about three issues: (1) the basic family problem, (2) the solution to the problem, and (3) the motivation behind doing right.

I.  The PROBLEM – how we view others (2-3).  2 For one believes he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats only vegetables. 3 Let not him who eats despise him who does not eat, and let not him who does not eat judge him who eats; for God has received him.

            A.  There are two levels of FAITH.  We are introduced to two brothers in Christ with two opinions on how to live the Christian life.  One believes that his relationship with God is greatly affected by the meat he may eat, the other eats anything that fits in his mouth – absolutely normal family life.  I’m sure if you have a brother or sister, they are pretty much the opposite of you.  Paul informs us here that our responsibilities involve not only our personal reactions to God, but also our reactions to our brothers’ reactions to God.  There is an issue here of how we respond to “meat” (probably meat offered to idols and thus cheaper meat).  At the same time there is a separate issue in how we respond to our brothers’ response to meat.  If we eat it and he doesn’t, verse three warns us not to “despise” (look down on) that person.  And if he eats it and we don’t, the command is not to “judge” (criticize) him.  It’s not only a matter of how you serve the Lord (by eating or not eating), but how you respond to those who don’t serve the Lord the same way you do. 

            Thus the problem in the passage is how we view and react to one another.  The two reactions we see in verse three keep coming back.  For example, in verse four, Paul says, “Who are you to judge (criticize) another's servant?”  And verse five mentions, “one person esteems (judges) one day above another; another esteems (judges) every day alike.”  In verse 10, Paul says, “But why do you judge (criticize) your brother – you weaker one? Or why do you show contempt (look down on) for your brother – you stronger one?”  And then in verse 13, he commands, “Let’s stop judging (criticizing) one another.” 

            In all, the word “look down upon” which was the act of pride of the stronger brother appears twice in this section.  And the word “judge” (criticize), which was the act of pride of the weaker brother appears in 3, 4, 10, and 13 (at least – vs 5 also, but probably with a different definition).  That suggests that whether you are stronger or weaker you face the danger of a pride that will distance you from your brother in Christ.

            B.  Christians come to different conclusions.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the stronger/weaker issue came to light initially as a Jew-Gentile issue.  Jewish believers viewed themselves as “stronger” because they had a great background in the OT, in the stories of God’s work, in the temple, and sacrifices and priesthood.  Many Gentile believers came out of pagan backgrounds where they knew nothing.  They thought that the epistles were the wives of the apostles, that Matt, Mark, Luke and John were a rock band, etc. 

            It would be easy for Jewish believers to look down on Gentile believers as “children” in understanding, and despise them or ignore them and their conclusions.  “You think THAT?”  At the same time Jewish people would want to be careful of what they ate, since the Old Testament restricted them from eating certain kinds of meat.  And Jewish believers would want to worship on the Sabbath, since they had done that all their lives.  But setting aside Saturday for worship was probably both inconvenient and ridiculous in the eyes of the Graeco-Roman society.  Perhaps as much as sixty percent of the congregation was made up of slaves, and slaves didn’t get a choice about what day they could sleep in and/or worship.  If they were given a day off, it probably wasn’t Saturday, and may not have been a Sunday, so some of them may have been lobbying for a Wednesday for all we know. 

            The church very easily could become a hot bed for controversy over what is RIGHT and what is WRONG.  And the tendency was for the very careful, precise thinking people, to take offence and get bent-out-of-shape over their liberal brothers.  And it was easy for their happy, free, trusting, brothers to give offence as they looked down at their brothers and said, “grow up and get over it.”

            For certain people there are things that they can’t do and stay in fellowship with Jesus Christ.  For one person it may be eating meat; he cannot eat it, because it is sin.  There is something in his system, however it got here, that tells him that such a diet is wrong.  He has a conscientious objection to eating meat, or drinking wine, or listening to noisy music.  Another Christian may not feel any such restraints.  Nothing in his conscience warns him about the danger of meat.  He has grown up on big whoppers and big macs.  Thus he feels absolutely free, no qualms, no restrictions, just glorying in the Grace of God that has entered his heart and freed him.  His danger is that he might look down at these “baby” slow-grow Christians, who “hang on” to their ancient traditions and don’t enjoy the freedom of Grace in Christ.  They seem “superstitious” and “narrow minded” to him.

            Which one is right?  Paul doesn’t answer that question – doesn’t even touch it.  Neither is right; neither is wrong.  It probably doesn’t even matter.  Of greater importance is the fellowship between the two brothers.

            C.  Such controversy is normal in a church.  These kinds of discussions are evidence of the fact that believers are now beginning to think about how to walk in the Spirit and serve God.  They understand that the Christian life is something NEW, and they are traveling a road that no one has traveled before.  As they evaluate their relationship with God, it is easy to make two mistakes:

            Mistake number one is to make one’s own position the standard for everybody.  Suppose God shows you that you can’t eat meat that has been previously offered to an idol, no matter how cheap the meat is.  You conclude that you are bringing demon influence into your body by eating that meat and you want to obey God and protect your body, no matter what the other meat costs.  Good conclusion.  But the next step could be dangerous because you are tempted to ask, “Why doesn’t everyone else come to the same conclusion?  What’s wrong with them?”

            I personally don’t go to very many movies.  There are Christians who go to movies every week.  I don’t drink wine and/or alcoholic beverages.  There are Christians who do, even in my family.  There are Christians that think you can worship God with rock music blaring.  Don’t they understand that heavenly music is going to be accompanied by pipe organs?  On the other hand, I wonder how those Christians in Hawaii can "worship" God with ukeleles – going "plink-a-plink?"  How can they truly honor Him in His fulness without a pipe organ?

            And we are trying to celebrate communion at this church without real wine.  How can you remember the Lord’s death without real wine and unleavened bread?  And there are Christians that put their children in public schools. Can you imagine that – almost like sacrificing them to Moloch.  And there are Christians that try to teach their children at home – with virtually no socialization.  Can you imagine that?  And there are Christians that waste their money on buying things new, new cars, new boats, new furniture.  We should save the Lord’s money by buying used things.  And there are parents whose Christian children go astray.  Do you know what that says?  Obviously have not spanked them and "trained them up in the way they should go."

            Have any of these issues pushed your buttons?  Do any make you want to stand up and either agree with my statements or straighten me out?  The truth is that these conclusions may be right and may be wrong.  Paul’s directive in verse 5 is to, Let each be fully convinced in his own mind.  And then he would add, “let each respect and honor the other’s conviction.”

            The second mistake we tend to make in these non-moral discussions is to elevate them to the level of moral discussions.  Every Roman believer agreed that it was wrong to lie and steal, but sometimes we hold that in the same way we must not drink wine or go to movies or only play organ music in church.  In this passage, the "weak brothers held that they must not taste `unclean' food, because that was sin. 

            The end result of these mistakes is that Christians can’t get together because they are suspicious of one another.  The truth of the matter is that we are different; and we are going to do things differently; and we are going to grow in Christ differently, and raise our children differently, and eat different diets.  We need to learn to love each other so that we will not view our differences as threats.  And we need to get over that feeling that arises from the conclusion that since we are Christians we ought to be able to get every difference sorted out, so that we can have total unity.  We can enjoy the best of fellowship – even though we may not do all things the same way. 

            I came to know the Lord in the late 40s and have watched the church go through phases of “right” and “wrong.”  We, for example, have drums on the stage.  No church that I knew of had drums on the stage in the 50s.  They were of the devil.  When Harry Greene, who is now the president of the Good News Mission, came to Christ in the 60s, he came to me at Barcroft Bible Church and offered to play the drums for anything at church.  I was leading the choir and he suggested that he could spice up our choir music.  I said to him, “no we don’t have any use for them,” thinking to myself, “because drums are wrong.”  One good thing to Harry Greene’s credit is that he didn’t get angry with me and call me one of those narrow minded drum smashers and quit the church.  He was a young believer just out of prison and responded very well.

            Was I right?  Probably.  Was I wrong?  Probably!  A case could have been made probably for either side.  The point is that my relation with Harry was far more important than whether we could make drums kosher for worship.

            Have you looked down at someone this week, judging them with, “what they are doing is stupid?”  Have you criticized another believer because s/he seemed to have more faith than you?  That’s the problem we all face.  What is the solution?  The solution is presented in one, simple verse.

II.  The SOLUTION – UNCONDITIONAL acceptance (1).  Receive one who is weak in the faith, but not to disputes over doubtful things.

            The solution is in the command – “receive.”  And the ones who we are to receive are those who are in any way “weaker in the faith” than we are. 

            A.  “Receive” means to open the arms of your heart to the other person.  The word is used for taking something into yourself, such as food.  It means to receive someone into your life, into your circle of friends, into your family.  The example of this is God Himself.  Verse three ends with “God has received him” referring to the stronger brother. When that brother trusted Christ, God received him into His family.  The same word appears in 15:7 in reference to the way Christ received us into His family: “receive one another, therefore, just as Christ received you unto the glory of God.”  

            How did Christ receive you when you prayed the sinner’s prayer?  Did He reluctantly say, “OK, I guess you can enter?”  Did He give you 12 conditions to fulfill before you could get in?  No, He welcomed you into His family when you believed.  In a similar way we are commanded to “take those people who disagree with you into your life – those who are younger – those who are weaker.”  It doesn’t matter that they are going to take up your time because they don’t understand, and they tend to disagree with you because they are suspicious of your liberty in Christ.  Welcome them as brothers and sisters. 

            Observe that this command is leveled not only at the stronger believer but also at the weaker.  Notice verses two and three again: “For one believes he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats only vegetables.  Let not him who eats despise him who does not eat, and let not him who does not eat judge him who eats; for God has received him.  Who is it that God has received?  It is the stronger brother.  And if God has received him, the weaker brother ought to follow suit and welcome him.

            When there are differences of opinion, when people are strongly convinced in different directions, the first part of the solution is to examine your attitude toward your brother or sister in Christ.  Have you welcomed them into your life?  Do they know that they are an integral part of your life? 

            B.  “Receive” means to open your arms “unconditionally.”  Verse one says, “not to disputes over doubtful things.”  This phrase speaks of the motive for receiving – with no intent of creating a dispute, or arguing over something.  Paul wants unconditional acceptance.  I receive this brother or sister into my life with no plan for getting something from them, or fixing them, or making them into something else.  I have no agenda other than, “hey, someone else in the family; welcome, come on in.”

            I think the word “receive” is speaking of an atmosphere that people feel in your presence.  People can often feel when you look down upon them, when you are afraid of them, when you are only using them, when you want to fix them.  Nothing is going to develop in a relationship until there is an atmosphere of ACCEPTANCE.  People don’t grow until they are ACCEPTED AS THEY ARE.  This means that the “judging” environment needs to go.  You are not receiving someone to FIX HIM, to straighten him out, to improve his theology!  We are commanded to receive him in a totally unreserved way.  And specifically you are to welcome someone else that to you is a “weaker” brother.  The “weak” one may be weaker because he is younger in the faith, or because he has never understood the liberty into which he has been brought by the Grace of Christ, or because he is still emotionally tied to his past.  Their condition doesn’t matter; we receive them AS THEY ARE, because God has received them.

            Don’t think that this command is easy to obey.  For most people it grinds against our past.  Most of us have grown up having trouble accepting people “as they are.”  We would rather accept people “as we are.”  This past Monday, Martha and I spent several hours at Sams, and one of the things that interested me was a young girl, sitting in a wheelchair in the food section, advertising string cheese.  Her head was back and turned and you could tell that she wasn’t going to be able to communicate in a “normal” way.  I talked to her briefly and had trouble understanding her.  But the thing that I noticed in standing around and watching was that most people ignored her.  They treated her as a non-person.  She could as well have been a table sitting there.  People just walked by her.  And they would go up and take the cheese without acknowledging her, without saying, “thank you,” without, as far as I could tell, even looking at her.  Can you imagine what it must be like for this young woman named, Chris, to sit there and watch such responses?  I wonder how many young men have asked her out on a date.  I wonder how many times people have complemented her on how good she looks.  I wonder how often people have talked directly to her instead of someone helping her.  I’m sure people feel uncomfortable around her, don’t know what to say, are afraid that they will be embarrassed when they don’t understand her, and so on.  But imagine what it is like to attract less attention with your presence than a box of Cheerios.

            As humans, we have trouble accepting certain people as they are.  If they are like us – no problem, but Chris?  In the middle of a crowd of people, she was alone.  The horror of this thought is that there are others, even in the church who are being overlooked.  They are non-people in the body of Christ.  They are invisible.  They come and go and no one sees them as significant.  They are weak.  To you they may look like they are on spiritual crutches or in spiritual wheelchairs.  Their heads are turned at funny angles, and you are not sure how clearly they can express their theological position.  And you are a little apprehensive about talking to them.  And the command is, “get over your fears and reach out to them, welcome them into your life, and make them know that they are IN the family.”

            We may never agree on some of these issues.  Our views on the subject don't necessarily have to change, but our attitudes toward one another HAVE TO change if anything positive is going to happen in the family. 

            How do you welcome someone who you know is different, is even strange?  You do it just like you would do it to Chris, sitting down there at Sams.  You talk to her in exactly the same way as you talk to every other normal, regular, human being.  You talk to her in the same way as you talk to your best friend.  You ask her questions.  You get interested in the details of her life.

            C.  To “receive” is to minister like Christ.  The focus of His ministry was on the weak.  He said that he came to minister to the “sick,” the “blind,” the “prisoners.”  He didn’t come for the healthy, the well, but those in trouble.  Now suppose you want to be like Christ, but you don’t intend to spend your time with the weak and sick, the blind, or prisoners.  What does that say about the extent of your ministry?  How much can you serve Christ and be like Christ when you don’t have any interest in doing what He specialized in??

            It’s the younger, the weaker, the less powerful, the minority, the handicapped, those that are left out, that form the location where our ministry BEGINS!!!  Christ began His ministry in “Galilee of the Gentiles” with the “people that sat in great darkness” (Matthew 4:13-17).  They were the weak of the weak and the blind of the blind.

            I think you will find that there is always someone weaker, sicker, more frightened, more “uptight” than you.  At the same time, there will always be someone who is stronger, more healthy, more confident, more free than you.  The command is RECEIVE both.

            Can you remember the first person who welcomed you, and made you feel comfortable, just the way you were, without any need to change?  What’s your attitude toward that person?  Don’t you look back on them with fondness?  I stayed overnight at a house in Bloomsburg, PA one night probably 25 years ago.  I had stayed in many homes overnight, having traveled in a quartet that went from house to house for 5 years.  But I had never stayed in a house like that one.  And I don’t know what it was about the family and the mother, but I knew that I was a totally welcomed member of the family.  I have never been back, and I don’t even remember now who the people are, but do you know what my attitude is toward them?  I would love to go back!  Someday in eternity I want to go up to those people and say, “you guys were a perfect example to me of Romans 14:1.  You made me feel totally, unconditionally, accepted.  And that acceptance was an example to me of how far off I was from the ideal.”

            Maybe God wants to use you as the first person to give that kind of experience to a new believer.  Reach out and touch someone.  Call them.  Meet them for lunch. Take them out shopping or for dinner.  Include them in your circle of friends.  You are the one who starts the process.  Don’t expect them to.

III.  The MOTIVATION – understand the change that has taken place (4-13a).

            The problem is that we don’t see things in the same way.  The solution is to welcome one another.  The motivation is to recognize what’s what, and who’s who.

            A.  He belongs to God – 4 Who are you to judge another's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed, he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand.

            When you get bent out of shape by another believer who disagrees with you, the first thing is to tell yourself that the disagree-er is one of God’s servants!  Then ask yourself whether you go around telling other peoples’ employees what to do.  Why wouldn’t you do that?  Because you have no authority.  They don’t work for you. 

            In a similar way, this person who disagrees with you is God’s servant, not yours.  “Wait a minute, I thought he was weak and needed me to fix him?”  No, he is God’s servant!  “This weak brother is a servant of Christ?  I thought I was going to make him a servant of Christ.”  No, he already is.   And Paul adds, “indeed, he will be made to stand” even though you disagree strongly with his position.  Christ will make him STAND, because He is committed to make every one of His servants stand – even though you may not understand how.  This doesn’t mean that you don’t set out to help him.  You do.  But you do it in a different way, since he is one of God’s.

            6 He who observes the day, observes it to the Lord; and he who does not observe the day, to the Lord he does not observe it. He who eats, eats to the Lord, for he gives God thanks; and he who does not eat, to the Lord he does not eat, and gives God thanks. 7 For none of us lives to himself, and no one dies to himself.

            She has come to her conclusions because she wants to please her LORD (6-7).  She prays before she eats her spinach salad.  She may even make exactly the same request as you do before you munch your double big whopper with triple cheese and mayo and supersized fries.  Are you doing it unto the Lord?  So is she.  Welcome her into your life because she is going the same direction you are, even though you disagree on diet.

            B.  YOU belong to God.  This means that you want to make sure that you are fully convinced in your own mind, as verse 5 says.  Your primary responsibility is to yourself, as you stand before God.  When you think about it, you may be the one who needs help.  Are you “fully convinced in your own mind?”  She may be right and you may be wrong.  You consider her “weak,” but perhaps you misread the situation and maybe you ought to get on the South Beach diet.  Do you see where Paul is going here? 

            His conclusion in verses 10c-12 is that you as well as the “weaker” sister are going to stand before the Judgment seat of Christ and give an account of your own actions. 

            What we can learn from people with whom we disagree is that everyone of us needs to receive his conviction from the Holy Spirit.  You can’t think just as you please, since you will soon stand before God and give an account to Him.  The carnivorous brother who says grace over his 2000 calorie slab of barbeque rib confesses that he and what he eats are the Lord’s; he eats as a servant of Christ.  The vegetarian who says grace over her 99 calorie assortment of kale, collards and spinach must be allowed the same position.  Each needs to make sure they are pleasing God. 

            C.  We belong to each other.  10 But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother?

            The word “judge” is the same word “judge” as in verse 3.  The word “contempt” is the same word, “despise” in verse 3.  Each of these attitudes is connected with an important word – “brother.”  He is my brother; she is my sister.  Why despise your BROTHER as someone worthless?  You want to encourage him because he represents you; he is your family.  When he succeeds, you succeed; when he grows, you receive the benefit.  The question is WHY?  Why do you judge a brother?  Why not go after someone outside the family?

            As of this month, for the first time in history, all of our children are gainfully employed.  And I am excited.  They are growing up; they are doing something to help life in this world.  And I am a proud dad.  The same thing is happening in Romans 14.  You are growing up in THE family; you are making steps of faith, and moving on.  And YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF ONE ANOTHER!  The command in I Peter 2 is actually to “HONOR.”  These are your brothers and sisters, and you are going to spend eternity with them.  Look around at them.  You disagree with some of them don’t you?  You’re suspicious of some of them, aren’t you?  You need to take a hold of them and bring them into your life.  They are valuable.

Conclusion – For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, some person who messed things up, some unfinished business, some time to be served in a difficult relationship, or a debt to be paid trying to straighten things out.  Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these people, these obstacles were my life!

            I said the same thing about Christ in the gospels.  His plans for the day were always interrupted by the blind, sick or demon possessed who needed help, and He always stopped what He was doing to help.  His first message in a Synagogue was interrupted by a demon possessed man screaming out.  And I would think that if He could have gotten over all of this, then He could have really ministered.  But the truth is those people WERE His ministry.

            This perspective has helped me to see that there is no secret tunnel that leads under everything to life.  The people, the obstacles, the problems are the life.  That’s where God meets us and shares Himself with us.  So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you have brought someone else into your life and made them special, even though they disagree with you.  Stop waiting until they lose 50 pounds, until they go to school, until you make more money, until winter, until the new year, until they get their act straightened out, until they recognize that you are right, until they complement you, until they invite you into their life, to decide that there is no better time than right now to take them into your life.  Life is in the journey, as well as in the destination.  Don’t miss the company you are traveling with.

            “To be or not to be,” that is not the question.  That’s the self-centered focus. The real question is “to be or not to be – a friend.”

09/24/05, BBC am

27Rom14'1-13.MEF, 12/21/05