[Ed notes: This really happened on the BBS and has been in my thoughts for over a week now. I used the actual posts from the BBS and did not correct any of the spelling or grammar. I contacted Someone and have his permission to tell his story.}
It all started around 10pm two Wednesday nights ago with a post that said, "Would I die if I jumped out of a 2 story building onto a paved road?" from an individual posting as Someone you don't know. It was one of those things that has happened on the BBS and in the SW:CCG Palace before, but this was unlike the infamous "Gon Incident" or anything else I'd seen before. At first, no one really knew what was going on, as evidenced by the posts that immediately followed:
"would you land on your head? (nt) ... old-newcomer"
you can live at a jump of 3 stories and at 4th its 50 /50... Tiree ...
Er, most likely. Don't do it. It isn't worth it, is it? Watch for cars on the road... Goldenrod
Can i have you sw cards then? ... Tiree ... [2/17/99 21:58]
These posters were obviously confused with what seemed to be one of those interesting posts that tend to come about in the BBS's evening hours.
But pretty soon it became evident that this was not a joke, or at least not a particularly funny one. It's pretty unfortunate that the first person to actually treat this as potentially real was the individual who had this to say: "my belief system: lets say you kill youself then you end up in hell and watch hell be just like your present day life and then you will have to live it for all eternity and there will be no escape from it !!!! so kiling your self aint going to solve jack ... JIM bob" [Ed note: a jimbob indeed]. And then, in response to Someone's assertion that he hated his life, there was this post: "go find a help line or something no need to post your problems here ... Obi-Von."
The first compassionate post came from Walkingcarpet, who expressed concern that other posters didn't seem to be taking a potential crisis situation very seriously. He then assured Someone that even though it's possible to experience great amounts of pain at a young age, there really is a lot to live for and invited Someone to e-mail him. A slightly freaked-out but well meaning BBSer who appeared to change handles with every post gave Someone the number of suicide hotline and begged him to call. Shortly after, Aristotle posted, "Well you're obviously talking to us for a reason. Tell us more. We can help." After a little more prodding, Someone said that the reason he was telling his story to the BBS was that he didn't have anyone else to talk to. Then he told us what was really wrong: "Here's what happened if you even care - My parents were coming home from a dinner thing two Sunday Nights ago and got in a car accident. They were hit by a drunk driver and they both died in the hospital. I now had to go live with my aunt ( who is mean ) I am in a new school ( It stinks) and I have nothing. Care to tell me what I have to live for?"
So now that we knew what his tragedy was, what do you suppose was one of the first posts after it? Here's what it was: "stop crying baby people have worse problems and have gotten over them ... guy " Fortunately, The Teacher arrived on the board and joined Walkingcarpet, Crix, david, and others in reaching out to a fellow human being who just might be in a lot of trouble. They encouraged him, challenged him, sympathized and empathized with him. These guys didn't know if Someone was telling the truth or not, but they were obviously unwilling to take the chance of letting Someone in need go unaided. Some people even shared their own personal stories in hopes that Someone would be heartened. "Don't kill yourself. I know it hurts but try to really concentrate on what you felt when you learned your parents died - my father died when I was young, followed by my grandfather and then a dog that my family had since I was born. I know that describing my pain doesn't help you at all; I just want you to know that you are not alone, that others have suffered pain and are suffering it now. I don't pretend that my losses can compare to having both of my parents taken from me suddenly, but, well, there you are.... Crix."
There were many others who reached out to this Someone, trying to make some kind connection that might make a difference. Despite the criticism they received, there were also those who offered the only comfort they knew - their God and their religion. There were also those who were complete jerks, feeling compelled to tell Someone that he was a big crybaby, a faker, or doomed to hell.
When all was said and done, Someone had a number of e-mail addresses to use if he felt like it. He parted saying that he was "confused," which is a lot better than parting with "off to the window." But he also left with the echoes of some pretty unfeeling, mean comments. I don't know that we'll ever know what happened to Someone, but one thing is for sure - there will undoubtedly be other someones to come along on the BBS.
So what is my point in all of this? Well I'm glad you asked. The BBS is a place where we can all wear masks - we can be whoever we want to be. Posters who have few friends in "real life" can be among the most popular on the boards. Those who are thought of as nerds, geeks, or losers in their schools and work places can create personas on the BBS that defy any label assigned in the outside world. The most troubled of us can come to the board and, for a time, focus only on how to Ghkkk away damage done in games. On the BBS, physical appearances don't matter at all. In my head, Walkingcarpet is a wookiee, Moff Phrim resembles one of those cool uniformed guys on the Death Star, and the brain is a small mouse with a large head (of course Zippy looks an awful lot like Han's wacky cousin and Statman is a government employee in khakis and a tie).
But the truth of the matter is that there really are flesh and blood human beings behind each and every handle on the BBS. Every post is read by an individual who comes with his own perspective, history, and baggage. It's so easy to forget that behind these masks, there are human beings whose feelings can be hurt, whose tempers can flare, and whose sensitivities can be trampled upon.
Well over a year ago I came up with the name QueenJawa because I wanted to ask a question on the BBS and needed a pseudonym - I never expected it to become a whole identity. I never expected anyone to give a damn about what I said or wrote. While my **real** personality shows through in my writing and posts, few BBSers know me or what might push a personal button. I'm a 24-year-old chick with a new job in a new town. I miss my friends, my church, and my favorite professor. I have a puppy that is beautiful but frustrating as hell because she's very aggressive and the trainer wants $450. My car needs new tires, and my wonderful boyfriend has a job that allows me to see him for about 15 minutes a day. None of that is at all tragic or even really bad, but it affects me and how I post. I'm a short, overweight white girl with wavy brown hair and dark brown eyes (my dad used to tell me that brown eyes meant that I was full of poop), and I love to laugh. None of that matters on the board at all, but it's a fact of life that just might impact how I interpret posts (hey, all of you jerks out there who keeping saying "I'll start with the 'Fat Lady,' just remember that her name is Yarna and she saves your ass from that big, bad monnok ** note humor**).
I realize that the SW:CCG BBS isn't supposed to be a counseling service or a place where every depressed person turns to vent. But the fact of the matter is that a person should not be suicidal in order to be treated with a little courtesy. It's so easy to be rude to people on the BBS without even thinking, not to mention how easy it is to unintentionally offend due to the limitations in conveying humor and sarcasm through print.
I didn't start out with the intention of being preachy, just with the point that what you say on the BBS **does matter**. This incident with Someone is just an example of what can happen when people forget that there is another human being at the other end of that modem line. It's also an example of what can happen when the human beings behind the masks let their humanity shine through never forgetting that handles stand for people. The BBS is a haven for those who wish to remain anonymous, but are seeking some kind of companionship. It's up to each of us to consider who might be the next Someone.
[Ed Note: As a bit of follow-up, Someone has e-mailed a few of the guys on the BBS and continues to be in communication with them. He says that he is still sad, but at least he's hanging on for now.]
Queen Jawa