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Letters to Friends
 A Preface of Sorts... Part Two

so anyway, now that you're here at this preliminary preface point, you may be wondering what the point is (excuse me while I continue laughing at myself... that's all the {g} and many of the other words that choke spellcheckers until I teach them my vocabulary - of course not having a spellchecker at the moment, this is yet another of many moot points you may find along the way if you keep your eyes peeled... I wouldn't peel them too much, the lids are necessary and over-peeling can hurt.. they aren't onions after all, they're eyes... J perhaps this would be an appropriate time to put out the "beware of parentheses" sign... you see, I tend to use parentheses to add a point to a point {even when the points seem unclear or far from intersecting} and when they {parentheses} show up, I'm often engaged in something I might call babbling... or perhaps free-association... or perhaps madness is the most appropriate term {we shall, together, choose a common vocabulary if we truly wish to communicate, so feel free to jump in here anytime as you respond [that is, hoping you do respond :] with your choices and opinions and thoughts and feelings and vocabulary and whatever else you feel like letting out cause that's the reason these words are being shared with you... for your whatever lol [I really love whatevers :] and whatever else you wish to share} but what is sometimes {or is that often?} most apparent in parentheses is the seemingly total lack of regard for the point beyond the point within the point within the parentheses within a deeper parentheses and some tell me this can lead to confusion or misunderstanding {never my intention, but some choose to give up the thread of whatever within, that is here if you follow it, along the way} or even, I'm told, in some cases... indigestion {there have been a few [myself included] who laughed so hard they reported relief from constipation, but whether that was mental, emotional or actually physical constipation wasn't always absolutely clear and often not detailed... I mean, some people don't care to discuss the intimate details of their digestive system [or even personal hygiene] on paper or even with their family doctor... but that wasn't the point, was it?}... well... may you find my words {in and out of parentheses} more amusing than confusing and conclude your reading {it does conclude eventually... I mean, I can't live forever after all ;} with a smile on your face {or at least somewhere on or in your person J} ... so what was the point of this parentheses anyway? {g}... well, one point was the "beware of parentheses" sign and I suppose you understand the need for that by now {if not, just wait until the real letters begin... this is the preface, after all {lol lam} :} ... but if we look back to where this parentheses started {is that cheating? :} we might find that the point was to try to explain that much of the time I am writing with my tongue in my cheek, that is to say {or write} with a nod and a wink, that is to mean it might behoove you, as the loyal reader {you must be loyal - or as crazy as I am - to have come this far {lol} J to read me with a grain of salt {and a dash of pepper and some garlic, please... I love garlic, but we digress again ;} ... in other words {and if you haven't noticed or if I haven't proven already, there are always other words {lam} :} and if you are ever confused or {eeek} offended in any way, please ask for clarity {I can find clarity in almost everything I write, really I can... usually... well, I can if I put my mind to it... I do have a mind in here somewhere... I just enjoy losing it now and then... watching it roll around the page... wondering where it's going and whether it's going to roll right off the page and on to somebody's lap or somewhere even more exciting... like somebody's imagination... I just love imaginations about as much as anything in this world... another digression, huh?... well, ok... back to the point [whatever it was :] where were we? :} ... yes, please ask for clarity whenever you feel like it... I'll show you that I really do care about your mind {and you} by hunting it {clarity} down {or up} and trying to express what I find... so to review {gigl}, the point of this parentheses was to excuse myself for giggling and laughing and generally guffawing in ways some people might consider rude or at the very least politically incorrect if in public, and hope to explain {and demonstrate} for your general and specific understanding {and hopefully amusement :} that I do enjoy having fun with words and if you don't then perhaps my gardens are not the place for you {whimper} ... but hopefully you do enjoy words and the challenge they can present {they [words] are such a weird form of communication... I mean, everybody uses their own personal dictionary and tries to understand everybody else without asking for the other's dictionary until after they've exchanges millions of words and in some cases, no dictionary exchange is made at all... and this is madness? {smirk} ;} ... so anyway, I had my chuckle {and hopefully you can see [read] that most of the time I am enjoying myself by poking fun at myself and laughing with myself at myself [would that be LAMWM? lam ;] hopefully not by myself =} ... and I did attempt to start explaining lots of things in here and maybe it's time to come up for air and conclude this particular {or was that perculiar? ;} parentheses {yes, we're still in it :} so we can finally get on with the point of this paragraph :) ... so where were we?... ah yes, the point of this paragraph was... {gigl} {lol} {lam} J) ... no wait, there was a point... really there was... and we'll start a new paragraph to get to it (the point, that is... heavens to mergatroid, not another parentheses... exit, stage left and thank you snagglepuss J)... since you are still here after all that, you must find some worth in babble (or be somewhere approaching as crazy as I am ;) and so, I continue to extend my garden welcome to you in the hope you find something here that moves you to some positive emotion (even if it seems to start out as something more like gas ... or worse ;) ... and here's the point so well eluded in the previous paragraph (really?... the point?... the real point?... oh ok :) ... start again... much of my babble seems to find itself coming out in rhyming (and often metered, though generally complex or erratic meter... it's not an english test, is it? {lol} J form... I tend to think in rhymes and feel in melodies and this is often reflected in the written gardens... and the more the rhymes flow, the fewer limits there are on my imagination and just about anything might appear... I never mean to offend... and I ask you to start reading the rhymes with even more salt (or whatever other seasonings you prefer) than you might read my rambling prose (wasn't that a song? {gigl} J) - especially the romantic (the rhymes play such roller coaster games with my heart, I wouldn't want you to get on the ride unless you knew a lot more about me and the intent of the words ... and in my experience {to be serious for a moment... serious in a parentheses?... see, anything is possible ;} my rhymes are sometimes full of romantic mush and that sometimes they've been taken as a personal seduction and that can hurt if misunderstood if you overpersonalize so unless I do something like tell you personally face to face that I am falling in love with you or mean some intimate message specifically to you, please read the words as the fantasies or imaginary explorations they are) or "deeper" (deeper than romance?... yup ;) emotional rides... hey, but not everything in me or the gardens is deep or intense muhsy potentially tear-jerking drama that can be taken the wrong way (no, plenty is irreverent babble that can be taken the wrong way {lam} ... maybe you've already noticed this? {lol} =) J so perhaps this preface is my disclaimer... enter at your own risk, so to speak (write J)... and so above all else, please ask for clarification of my intent before you take anything I write to you too personally... I'm not trying to seduce you or tell you any deep dark secrets or control anything or judge you or offend you or take over your mind or conquer the planet (not this month, anyway ;) or anything subversive, coversive, or reversive even... I know nothing covert about anything or anyone that would interest the FBI, CIA, AT&T, JFK, WOLD, the Piano Man, Mr. Bojangles, or Mao Tse Tung... honest, I know nothing about the invasion force, the coup plans, who took the cup-o-soup, where Barney Rubble put Fred's bowling ball, or the twin sister you never knew cause you were separated at birth... see, I'm just trying to create and improve (you will let me know if you see any improvements, won't you? {lam} J) these written gardens... and to let whatever is inside me out (as I tried to express in the first paragraph a long long time ago J) ... if I ever write words, rhyming or not, that are specifically personally and attempting to reach you one on one intimately beyond the poetic license or otherwise make me and you something more than correspondants, I believe you'll be the second (or at least third) to know and when or if you do, please tell me immediately {lam} =) J so, if I made the point I started this preface to make, then we can all jump into the pool (or lake, there's both in the gardens... everybody's got their own preferences and tastes and anybody is welcome as long as they intent no harm... that's the only real "rule" here... intend no harm - and you are welcome... oh wait, there is another rule at least as important, but I tend to see them as one and the same... truth... honesty, that is... I respect honesty... I welcome honesty... I encourage honesty... I love honesty... I'm a truth seeker from way back... I do not respect lies or deciet of any kind except within the confines of an agreed to pretense or fantasy game... but not real lies trying to manipulate... not even self-lies, which everybody tells, even me, probably... and I do not welcome it (untruth)... a lot of this can be found in the Anonanonanon HotStart kinda intro kinda bio page, but it's worth putting here to know me in case you haven't been there yet... I try to hide nothing - because I feel best when I am hiding nothing... and I am here in this life to feel as much good as I can and to be all I can be... for me, truth is real and more... hiding, lies, deciet, or whatever word we choose to call "non-truth" is false, not real, and less... I'd rather be more... there is a clear distinction (for me at least... we each must clarify for ourselves) between a lie and a fantasy or imaginary creation... between pretense and pretending... for me, the lie (or pretense) is presented as if it were truth... the fantasy is presented openly as a game of the mind, as a story, or often in my case, as a rhyme)... and hence this may be the real point of this preface... the bottom line is intent... I do not intend or want to fool you, lead you on, or in any way manipulate you... I intend no harm or pretentiousness... I am not perfect, so if I fool myself I may fool you too, but I do my best not to by doing my best to hide nothing... and I ask my friends (I'm accepting volunteers now ;) to look as closely as they care to look at or into me and question me about anything in as much detail as possible because that is one of the most important ways I learn more about me and how I learn to hide less... if you are to be my friend, I challenge you to positively and constructively and sensitively challenge me about anything... I'll trust you to come intending no harm... and I will share everything I can find inside of me as you ask and then, I'll dig for more J a bit (a tiny bit, but the most important bit) of an introduction to me (at least as I know myself) has come as I rambled on in this preface (and if you find it, I respect your mind even more ;) ... somewhere in boxes in storage are millions of words on paper and disks and tapes and somewhere in there is a much longer and more winding "official letter of introduction" (the best I can do to introduce myself in words) that has been periodically updated as this life continually adds to me and when I finally get settled (I am in a transitional stage of life at this point, so most everything is in storage) I will be happy to update that intro again and send it to you (you didn't just shudder, did you? {gigl-smirk} J... until then, I guess we're just winging it {lol} (is that anything like riding a roller coaster without a seat belt or safety bar?... perhaps... J) ... but then, for me, that's life... a roller coaster without a safety bar... a tightrope without a net... maybe I grew up in a carnival or circus in another life {lam} J so all this to say (yes, it could have been written in a just few brief, concise, clear sentences, but then, you might have had time to read a dozen other emails or do something worthwhile or even plot the course back to the home planet in this time... and we couldn't have that before the next solstice, now could we ;) ... I started this letter (that follows) today and wanted to share it with you... and then with everybody who might care... it started out with one - or at least a few people - in mind (that's how I start writing much of the time, especially when I slide into rhymes... I have something to say to someone that isn't exactly clear - or more often, some experience with one person inspires me to explore more feelings and fantasies and dreams - so I'll start writing a rhyme and wait for more to appear... and as I'm writing suddenly I find others come to mind... and the rhyme takes on a life of it's own... and I suddenly don't feel at all alone for so many inspirations are coming from so many memories of people and places... words are friends too J)... and I sometimes find something that could be a song or a poem (I still call them rhymes J) ... or sometimes I find a meaningless conglomeration of verbosity, but it means something to me and so I want to share it... that's what usually happens as I write, as it did with the letter this preface prefaces (unless I am writing a letter with the specific intent of communicating personally with an individual... I do that too... and they can be a LOT longer {lam} =) ... anyway, this immediately became a message to all my friends... I have been out of touch with so many people I care about... and still it becomes even more, a bit of me... some words representing who I am and where I am... and it just may (with editing... virtually everything is in a constant state of editing... that's life too, to me at least J) become a part of that "official letter of introduction" I so presumtuously introduced earlier {gigl} ;) ... again, back to this paragraph (that actually was once one huge paragraph but has since been broken up into many paragraphs... just so you know)... this turned into a letter to many... some people I've known for what feels like forever... some I've only met this year... some I've slept with and shared deeper intimacies than most humans dare share... some I hardly know, but still I miss whatever I do know about them and how I felt when I was getting to know them... some I have never even met... so it is to you, generically and specifically (if you receive this, I must respect you enough to want you to read it... and if I post it, then I must be crazy {lam} J), that I send this email letter (hopefully you still want to know me... if you ever really did that is... heck, I'm just silly enough to send this to a total stranger {lol} ;) one last thing (for now in this preface at least... if you really (shhh, a serious moment approacheth) don't have time or inclination to read or correspond with a babbling fool as I can be on paper, please just say so... I'll take no offense... we don't have to waste each other's time with pretense beyond polite courtesies... I wish you a wonderful life and hope you actualize sharing your fondest dreams - whatever you decide... I really do (take me seriously for a moment, ok? J), probably more than most people you know, care about you... even if you don't get to know me well enough to know and believe and feel that I really do =) and for the rest who stay and choose to travel along on this path to the deeper gardens and merry-go-rounds of words (yes, there's carnivals and fairs and circuses and parades and parties and beaches and forests and mountains and oceans and cotton candy and balloons and festive events and plenty of {believe it or not ;} quiet solitary places and intense moments and all sorts of things in these gardens... got an idea for something you don't see, just pass it along J) ... without further ado (or don't) ... on to the letter (yes, the letter ... you know, the one this preface prefaced =) ... onward along this path... LETTER INDEX        GO BACK        GO ON        RUN AWAY! EMAIL EMAIL Candor Communications    ©1998, 2001