THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...
LETTERS TO FRIENDS

...sometimes the best I can do to keep in touch is write to everyone at once...

where I am... I am here in words today hoping your holidays and life and stuff are smiling more than frowning... I figure I've ignored you long enough (not ignoring you specifically or intentionally, just wrapped up in my job seaching and escape/therapy babbling deeper than usual... squeezing for smiles :} I haven't been reading any of the email groups and there's personal mail that's been buried in the piles or lost as some days I receive too much mail for my server to handle... joining the ricclists groups would help I suppose... and I do see there's mail in some groups that have been quiet for a long time... when I refer, in the journals, to a few people who care about me and let me know - you are one I mean... just in case you didn't realize that already... and fyi, others from way back in snail mail days and others I've known since childhood are waiting in the same mail piles, so you're in good company :} I hope you are smiling, but if being more apologetic and recalcitrant would help you forgive me for being so wrapped up in survival and healing that I've negected the kindness and caring you've sent me... picture me on m knees right now with my head down wishing you still care, forgive, and are happy to hear from me... let me know when I can get up and smile with you... and when it's ok to giggle (that isn't until after you realize and accept that I am serious about wishing you were around here to share more)... I'm considering starting to use the ricc email group to actually send updates and keep in touch with people who actually subscribe to that group... not many do, so apparently very few who read or visit the website actually want my email updates (which is depressing so I don't use the group and instead send rare mail to everybody in my email address book hoping few ask to be deleted {and few do ask to be deleted, which is weird, since few visit the website or sign up for the ricc list} and that way I fool myself into not getting depressed... clever toon, huh?)... I want to keep in touch with people who genuinely care about me... I just wish people would actually let me know they do (like you do)... maybe I whine too much for the general public... or even for the general private :} maybe I'll put together a generic update for my email address book... so far that motivation hasn't bubbled to the surface (though this is the seed that might grow into it)... I've been waiting for the conclusion of the job seach so I actually have something new and positive to say about me... before that I was waiting or the healing to succeed enough for me to want to take a job search and career and life seriously again... before that I was living in words buried in losses but surviving under a mask of silliness and working on healing... before that I was in love and living most of my dreams... before that (pre1994) I was looking for love in all the wrong places and enjoying living the good life in early retirement... if you want to go back before that, we need to talk :) so where am I these days?... shhhhh, be wewwy wewwy quiet... I'm hunting jobbits... jobs, that is... work that actually pays something in money... I have found more than enough stuff to do that does not feed me or pay bills :} if you want to help, pass my resume along to wherever might pay me more than 40K a year... preferably a good deal more (for instance, a director level or higher... I'll consider management or even assistant management positions between 30-40K if there's growth potential)... I'll consider something less if it's in a creative field like music or writing (what I'm looking for non-specific and is in the summary of the resume)... so if you want to help... http://home.att.net/~candor/resume.html other than that, life is relatively non-existent... poverty does that... I am doing my best to stay sane {my way} and balanced (everybody should have a way to stay sane {their way} and balanced) by writing (that's how I do it :) much of the rambling does get onto the web in periodic updates monthly      weekly      daily-ish (work)      daily-ish (life) and then there are other journal-ish babbles that flow from deeper and older and newer sources that mean even more to me that can be found through the links above if you have more time... it's how I stay in touch with myself... so it's the easiest way to stay in touch with me (kinda like reading my mind, semi-compartmentalized for some semblance of ordered sanity... sometimes that actually works and I appear sane (please let me know what you think :} I wish I had more to share about life around here... it's amazing I find stuff to babble on about in on the web pages because so little changes these days... being unsettled in physical life is fun when the means are available to travel and enjoy it, but my means are getting mean and lean (a typically drastic understatement) so other than searching for income, I am waiting for call backs on the resumes I've sent out... real boring these days... I found a couple of friends around here who keep me from forgetting the world is out there beyond job searching... I change names in the journals to respect privacy, but few good turns go unmentioned (anybody reading might thing few turns go unmentioned, period... but actually I am writing less than I used to)... I still live in love, but haven't found anybody to share it here yet... I haven't been looking but I am much more open to it than I have been these last few years (so that's the really good news, the healing process is working :) I don't hear from the family (that's the sad news and I'm learning to live with it... I mention it because you care about me)... am I over it?... I think so... it feels like I am... the true tests happen when the opportunity to try again come around and that requires the opportunity... I'm open to it more than ever... so aside from the basic challenges of survival, I'm happier than I have been in years and doing my best to stay healthy (my self-nudge to make time to exercise more and eat more fruits and veggies)... and I am lonely again (this is a good sign, mostly) so I am spending little time online and most of my time in the physical world around Orlando... with arms wide open :) there's a hug in Orlando with your name on it :) so ok... how are you? honest love, ric web home main gate These are the ways to stay in touch with me: Reading on the Web: monthly: http://home.att.net/~candor/kit weekly: http://home.att.net/~candor/kit/lifetimes daily-ish: (work): http://home.att.net/~candor/kit/worklife daily-ish: (life): http://home.att.net/~candor/kit/journals other deeper journalish writings can be found if you have time... Via Email: semi-infrequent updates by email: ricc-subscribe@egroups.com make sure you're in my addy book: riccc-subscribe@egroups.com various email groups: http://home.att.net/~candor/eg wait for me to respond to mail: candor@writeme.com Via Phone, Fax, or Snail Mail onward along this path... LETTER INDEX        GO BACK        GO ON        RUN AWAY! EMAIL EMAIL Candor Communications    ©2000, 2001