LETTERS TO FRIENDS
...sometimes the best I can do to keep in touch is write to everyone at once...
(first... the inspiration) keep looking, no updates. Could mean no phone Could mean no home Could mean good stuff too so I'm asking 'how are you?' just hoping you are well and your job is going swell and there's romance in the air (and no cooties in your hair!) ... x __________________________________________ "We can react negatively to the demands made on us or we can choose to live abundantly, to transform the negative into the meaningful. Attitude is all. If I do not endow my life and my work with meaning, no one will ever be able to do it for me." -- Sarah Ban Breathnach and now the inspiration and the response... if I didn't send this, here it is... if I did send this, here it is again with an extra word or few... keep looking, no updates. I could say not much to say, but that's never stopped me before... so if I was to try to explain, I'd have to say something more... Could mean no phone sort of... no land line of my own... 407-426-7101 is voicemail only... a new cell phone is in the works, but it'll take a few months to guage the expenses and usage befre I feel comfortable with it... Could mean no home this is true... I spend some nights in the car near work and some nights on the couch of a friends... the car is sometimes more comfortable because the friend's place is crowded, dirty, has fleas, roaches, a cat, and a two year old that runs the place (and there's not a seat anywhere that hasn't had the kid's 'touch' on it as he pretty much has free run of the place much of the time and eats and is changed just about anywhere with only occasional clean up)... hopefully this will change in a few weeks or sooner... Could mean good stuff too if wishes were horses I'd get on and ride from the muk I'm in to the other side where sunshine and healthy people care for me for now it remains just a nice fantasy so I'm asking 'how are you?' been better, definitely been better... I'm just trudging through this challenging period right now... staying in the car saves money big time (except food)... if I hold out for one more check (two more weeks) then I should have enough for a place of my own and a little extra, which will make me a much more viable (and perhaps desireable) roommate prospect... the search for the perfect place and ideal roommate has not gone too well... I've been mostly working the last few weeks... and when I stay in my car, I'm almost totally incommunicato even from myself and my written gardens (lousy place for me to be so I've gotta change it, but due to dragging my feet in lazy vacation mode and trusting the wrong people for some time now I am where I am and I am dealing with it with the ostrich technique)... just hoping you are well as well as I am able... ok, as well as I want to... ummmm, as well as apathy will allow?... procrastination is an ugly thing to admit... I probably should cough up the money to see a doctor about my feet... it may be fire ant bites, could be flea or roach bites, might be an allergic reaction to something else... hopefully isn't something more serious... definitely itching me towards madness and making unsanitary living much more challenging... ok, I'll get realer... other than my feet, I'm not exercizing and eating poorly largly cuz I'm living and eating on the run and sharing meals with people with unhealthy eating habits and know no one with a healthy lifestyle these days and I don't have my own space to isolate myself from the unhealthy influences and I don't want to appear ungrateful for the help people are offering... making any sense?... I'm being lazy too, but exercise requires bathing and it's a great excuse for the lazy part of me... and your job is going swell it's ok... not enough $ and a mess of a system, but it's directly helping people moment to moment and that's the best place for me to get lost in when life sucks in other ways... it's basically providing for the needs of a few dozen teens who've been dumped into and churned through the system that does not care and doing it with no budget or equiptment or accessories or support system beyond the basics (roof, food, medical care)... creative group babysitting in a quasi-institutional setting... it's emotionally draining and due to the hours and my current living situation, physically challenging... excellent therapy for me that'll be much better when I have a place to rest and bathe and relax and live a healthier lifestyle (dangit, exercise)... and there's romance in the air wishes... until more of me wants a lover than a mother, I'm probably better off not finding romance... Oedipus and Hamlet have much to teach.. (and no cooties in your hair!) I don't think so, but I definitely will welcome a clean place where I can wash these some of these challenging days right out of my hair... and feet... I definitely need to splurge on some first aid supplies... ... x __________________________________________ "We can react negatively to the demands made on us or we can choose to live abundantly, to transform the negative into the meaningful. Attitude is all. If I do not endow my life and my work with meaning, no one will ever be able to do it for me." -- Sarah Ban Breathnach I am staying positive and that's why I haven't jumped into yet another uncertain and possibly unstable living situation... it takes a lot of energy to keep treading water and giving emotionally to the kids on the job... and my feet still itch J but this email from you is exactly what the doctor ordered... I have been wandering in that wondering if anybody cares mode recently as I've not had time to write or update any web pages... the past couple of days I had some time off and I hung out here and have downloaded mail and it's mostly been junk mail and group mails... I started updating the journals a little, but haven't had peaceful time or space to myself... please know that seeing this email from you helps me remember and focus more than words can say J and so it goes... for you and the few who are... there's not enough time for all the love in the world there's not enough time for all the love in me so why waste time with hate or fear or anything that repels love? there's no better definition for insanity I just came to let you know you're a cure for me when I find fear or hate inside when confusion makes my soul hide when I despair or forget love you're all I need to think of and all I need to do is trust my heart to pull me together when I'm falling apart all I have to do is trust my heart for a better day to start for a brighter day to start for a better life to start there's not enough time for hope in this world there's not enough time for all the hope in me so why waste time with doubt or despair or anything that repels hope? there's no better definition for insanity I just came to let you know you're a cure for me when I find doubt or despair inside when confusion makes my spirit hide when I give up or lose my love you're all I need to think of and all I need to do is trust my heart to pull me together when I'm falling apart all I have to do is trust my heart for a better day to start for a brighter day to start for a better life to start all I need to do is trust my heart nowhere is too far all I need to do is touch my heart that is where you are and all I need to do is trust my heart to pull me together when I'm falling apart all I have to do is trust my heart for a better day to start for a brighter day to start for a better life to start honest love, ric LETTERS TO FRIENDS can be inspired by anyone asking me questions or by my desire to keep in touch with friends and people becoming friends or sometimes, just a fantasy of someone I wish was a friend whether you live in Orlando or far away, these are web ways to stay in touch with me (or give me a little attention and feedback) . o O ( J I love attention and feedback... doesn't everybody? J ) O o . Reading on the Web kinda monthly updates: http://home.att.net/~candor/kit weekly summaries: http://home.att.net/~candor/kit/lifetimes daily-ish journals (work): http://home.att.net/~candor/kit/worklife daily-ish journals (life): http://home.att.net/~candor/kit/journals (other deeper journalish writings can be found if you have time to explore) (Heads Up... though these are letters to real people and the journals are based in real offline life, here as much as anywhere in the written gardens on the web there is creative play, literary fantasy, and just stuff a writer with too much time at times might do... differentiating between what is really happening in life offline and what is pure imagination {and how much of each is on each page} is for you to figure out... or specifically ask about) J J More Ways to Keep In Touch via Email (and let me know you care) J semi-infrequent updates by email: ricc-subscribe@egroups.com make sure you're in my addy book: riccc-subscribe@egroups.com various online groups to explore: http://home.att.net/~candor/eg wait for me to respond to mail (could be a while): candor@writeme.com Via Phone, Fax, or Snail Mail LETTER INDEX GO BACK GO ON RUN AWAY! EMAIL
|