LETTERS TO FRIENDS
...sometimes the best I can do to keep in touch is write to everyone at once...
hello, it's me (directors cut)... now there's an old song... all the usual irreverence and joking aside, may you find a huge surge of positive energy flooding your world right now... I am happy you are alive (even if you didn't know I was) and hope this brightens your day... if you do write to me, your mails and knowing you check the website means much more than I can express at the moment - lifeline is a word that approaches the worth you have in my mind... and I hope you know that when some of your mail becomes part of my website, it's because you've inspired me to want to share something with the whole world (hello world, how are you? :) and now, on with the show (newly revised for your further edification and pleasure, we present the final edition of this latest incarnation of the life and times of the author... oh wait, that's another show)... I mean letter (or maybe this is an on-going quest to find online and offline true friends, soul-mates, the meaning of life, love, and the universe, world peace, enlightenment, true love, and anybody who might be able to understand me even a little?... naaaaaaa, it's just a letter... wanna buy a bridge?)... uh-huh... it's just me, lonely in Orlando... shouting out to anybody who might want a friend... and you too ;) it has been longer than usual (and these last few years I've been corresponding less frequently than ever before, but I still love words and seek word-lovers {and fun lovers and sun lovers and other children of the night too... a fun sun loving child of the night, huh?... did I mention music lover?... we could go on listing all my loves, but that would take a few lifetimes so I'll just nonchalantly slip out of this parentheses within a parentheses now} who want to share)... where were we?... there was a time when I wrote and received a dozen letters a day and had a meaningful correspondence with more than a hundred people every month (remember?... I know some of you do, especially if you were around when I was publishing {I miss you}... and heck, I've known some of you since grade school... gawrsh, we're not old yet right?... not me, no way, not I, no sir)... I had a lot more time on my hands in those days... alas, early retirement didn't work again (but it was so much fun... I enjoy the time away from working so much I forget to continue working on investments and other grown-up stuff... the child inside of me has had much fun so far in this life {many tell me too much, but I think they're just afraid to leap off tall cliffs like I do... notice the self-mocking smile?}... and I'm still looking for more {serious fun} too :) so anyway, it's like this... once again I am saying hello to you because you are in my home computer email address book (big welcome to all the old and new friends who climbed in since the last long and winding letter)... yes, it's a generic mailing... it's still a personal mail from me though with all my hopes and dreams and feelings that matter to me in it, so I hope you don't mind too much that I am keeping in touch this way for the moment... I'm working a lot of overtime again (alas, vacations don't last forever for us dependantly wealthy people... though I've certainly enjoyed my years off) and living between phones (not to mention beds, fridges, bathrooms, and so on) so I'm barely online a few hours a week if that much and writing time is scarce (I actually go several days without writing at times... amazing, huh?... well, if you know me even a little, it is :} anyway, I'm determined this time... yes, I'm gonna start sending an update like this (yeah, complete with the rambles, rhymes, and parenthetic tangents) every month... maybe even every week... ok, so it'll probably be more haphazardly (and maybe not as long and winding), but I'm definitely gonna do my best to make time to write and send more updates (feel free to cheer... or booo, if you must :) if we never really got to know each other and you don't want to hear from me at all, just say so (but before you do, please ask yourself... do you often pass up opportunities to receive free positivity in your life?... take your time, I can wait for an answer... well, I hope you'll at least think about it and answer the question for yourself)... so you found your way into my personal email address book because we shared at least one email or ICQ chat (childinside, 2119422) or chat room chat (anonanonanon, among other names) or newsgroup (ric, newsbee, webbot, et al) or email group conversation or something sometime in the last four or five years and your words impressed me enough to want to know you better... so please take this as the compliment it's intended to be even if you're deciding we are to be ships passing briefly in the night only to break contact before we really make it... and make yourself a wonderful life :) but before you go, I'll ask directly... do you want to hear from me? (suddenly, suspense fills the air as I await your reply :) do you want another friend? (are you sure you really have one?) do you know a heart that's true? (and do you want to have some fun?) do you enjoy reading words? (will you tell me, what's your passion?) and what are your favorite songs? (is it just what is in fashion?) what I'd really like to know is can you share honesty? and what if I did would you run away or would you stay to see whatever will be... do you want to hear from me? weird question, perhaps, but then I've been known to be weird from time to time... I know many of you are saying something like "of course, dummy" (you're a part of me... name the songs), but then the question isn't really for you if I know you love me (or at least tolerate me for some odd reason), is it? (tongue sticking out and all)... and if you're already in the [ricc] email group then you've already receive the early edition of this attempt to keep in touch (thanks for putting up with duplications... thanks even more for looking for the subtle additions to the previous ramble ;) ok, I have been out of touch for a lot of reasons (some horrible, some stupid, some others)... I don't know if I should send out a long and babbling letter to everybody in my address book or just leave it at this (oh, and this isn't long and babbling yet?) and wait to see if you want to hear from me... I guess I've decided to send it (duh, some understatements are so unnecessary, huh?... but still it turns me on... wait, we were being serious)... I really don't want to bug you or anybody and I dont particularly want any more rejection in this life than I already have known (wanna see my scars?), so how about a simple yes or a no? (quick rejections are easier to swallow, ya know? :) did I already ask this? (of course I did, but I only received a few dozen answers and that was of the of course, dummy kind... but then, what was the question?... sometimes I even confuse myself... that's usually when you'll find me laughing at myself {LAM... or lam if I'm just laughing a little}... I'm easily amused as you might recall)... wish you would come and amuse me wish you would be in my life wish you would look back and see me standing there as the old friend you knew and still want to know wish you would come and inspire me wish you would let me in yours wish you would look now to find me standing here as the true friend you know and still won't let go wish you were here to see the smile you inspire wish you were here to feel the dream getting higher wish you were here to share this moment in time wish you were here to be part of this rhyme wish we could find the songs that connect us wish the memories would continue to grow wish you would look up and smile just to feel you're thought of wherever you go I just wanted you to know wish you were here to see the smile you inspire wish you were here to feel the dream getting higher wish you were here to make it more than fantasy wish you were here to make another memory wish you were here to share you and me anyway (note the nonchalance in the entry back into prose... so cool, souch pinache, such poor spelling, so unaffected by the mushy rhymes... yeah sure, and where were we anyway?... ah yes, irreverence to the rescue), if you're staying in touch, I hope to hear from you now and then... especially if you're ever gonna be in the Orlando area... I love visitors... if you want to read these update letters on the web at your leisure, you can find them online on my website in the letters to friends at http://home.att.net/~anonanonanon/letters and very soon at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ricc (I am ric c, ya see, and that's my very own online address book, feel free to add yourself by clicking right here: ricc-subscribe@yahoogroups.com {that's a wonderful way of answering yes to the question, ya know?} and giving me a huge smile)... public archives are at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ricc/messagesand if you have time and want to meet others in my address book and actually get a word or few hundred in edgewise or straight forward, for that matter), find them at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/riclist (anyone can join and post there... riclist-subscribe@yahoogroups.com and read at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/riclist/messages) if you're still with me, then super huge HUGS =) and thank you... hope you have been well... now I'll see about gathering a few thoughts and looking at where have I been in this life (wow, the babbling intro is finally over?... anyone laughing is welcome to join the party after the letter... feel free to bring our own babble, or just sit and listen... or read... whatever you call fun... or gets you through the night... it's alright)... I've been working 17-18 hour shifts a lot, sleeping in the car (to get extra sleep instead of spending time driving as work is some distance from the places I can call home right now)... eventually I'll find a place closer to work and "go home" more often (most seriously, please pass along any info about apartments {briefly what I'd like in an apartment: http://home.att.net/~candor/apt.html} or potential roommates {briefly what I'd like in a roommate: http://home.att.net/~candor/roommate.html} in the East Orlando, UCF area)... one day I hope to take some time off from work to look for a place :) so life is work for now (and I'd really love to find some local friends who keep odd hours like me to share some life that's not work... the main challenge is that I work when most people are not working and when I'm off, most people are working... please call anytime... and I mean anytime... if I'm working I'll call back when I'm not)... I work with what are called "at-risk youth"... children and adolescents who, for a variety of reasons, have behavior and psychiatric problems that require a level of residential care that their family can not or will not provide... the job description can basically be summed up as parenting and professional therapy... alas, the pay is somewhere between parenting and professional therapy too, closer to parenting... it's challenging and rewarding in many ways and a good stepping stone position as I decide whether I am returning to the health care and human services world... I mean, until I get discovered by Hollywood or Broadway or something :) other than work, life's been bouncing around... around me there's been some sickness and death, some pleasure and birth... my high has been surviving and healing and helping others and still, in spite of all the profound challenges, being the playful kid I am... my lows were one of the dearest people I know left her body (alas, one less living family member) and passing my very own kidney stone (at work, no less... it took about 100 hours while working 50 of them... such fun)... my satisfaction is continuing to rise above and make lemonade out of lemons... my need to fulfill (besides housing) is I would love to find more motivation (and time and energy) to exercise more, eat healthier, and share more depths and fun with friends... how about you?... shoot pool?... tennis?... basketball?... softball?... run?... workout?... movies?... theme parks?... what's fun for you?... if you're local, whatcha doing right now? (check the links below :) words are still a major part of life for me... fun and creativity and therapy and communication and more, I continue writing whenever I can find a moment and can stay awake between work shifts... and the words still find their way on the web for whatever they are worth to the world (at least I can imagine I'm sharing when I upload words, even when I'm alone... and yes, I still crave attention... don't you? :) the main web gate is: http://home.att.net/~candor and for my fellow word lovers, life in the web written gardens has been slow flowing, but still growing... I finally gave the child inside of me a web home: http://home.att.net/~childinside (follow the bouncing child =) there's very little there at the moment, but if you have a child inside of you, you are very welcome to be welcomed there :) I've been writing a little in the email groups and finally started rebuilding the letters to strangers garden if you'd like to see... http://home.att.net/~newsbee/lts if you'd really like to get to know me, it'll take some eye contact (come on over)... a lot of eye contact for starters, actually... as much as I love words, so much more can be communicated with eyes and without words... but still, here we are and a lot of me can be found on the web so if you don't have time for an in-person visit but do have time for some online reading (and maybe even like it), the more personal place to start is the window http://home.att.net/~sysquash you'll find updates of life mixed with rambling philosophical musings and some creative play (so ok, I may not be as easy to find in words as it may seem, but if you're a lover of words like me, have fun :) and closer still (containing more than anybody's ever asked) are the various weekly letters called lifetimes and journals and the bios and more (yes, I have a bios, doesn't everybody in this cyber-age? :) http://home.att.net/~sysquash/lifetimes(these are way behind at the moment, the journals are up to date) http://home.att.net/~candor/bios (just beginning) and what I want http://home.att.net/~candor/wantlist.html if I had time I would respond to you if I had time I would listen to more music I would ramble on in words I would even fall in love if I had time if I had time I would get to know you if I had time I would swim in the ocean I would dance on fallen leaves I would even kiss a frog if I had time I hear dogs barking outside time to go to work all the bills must be paid they pay me for my time if I had time I would put more into life if I had time I would sing a song to sparrows I would water the flowers I would even pet the dog if I had time if I had time I would make love to you if I had time I would rock a child to sleep I would find my one true love I would try to inspire laughter if I had time I hear dogs barking outside time to go to work all the bills must be paid they slay me for my time if I made different choices in the past maybe it would have changed today but there's no way to know as far as I know so what's the difference anyway it's just another rhyme and I pretend I don't realize it is my time... if I had time I would give you more time if I had time I would write in my journals I would beg for your attention I would try to save the world if I had time if I had time I would complete this rhyme... the way I see it is friends will be there and others will not and it's just as well we find out who our friends are cuz we will anyway sooner or later (and sooner hurts less)... so a serious thank you if you're happy to hear from me... the bottom line is... part of why I don't send out mail is I don't want to worry anybody (all the tongue-in-cheek babbling I do on the web pages tries to keep positive and optimistic, but life these past four years sometimes just plain sucks and who wants to hear that for years?... don't all raise your hands at once now :} but all that's changing (see me dancing in the streets? :) internally, life is really much better these days in so many ways... though I am in transit and don't have any stuff once again (hope I can recover my old computer equiptment at least, I mean, once I have a place to put it)... this transit time took me by surprise and I've slipped into long term camping out mode until the right roommate comes along... bouncing around and camping out while working 70 or more hours a week is tough on the back, but great for the bank... anybody want to adopt me? (I might be serious, but I'll never tell unless I'm asked... shhhh, let's be quiet as a mouse and build a lovely little house for... oh, hello... where were we?)... maybe I'll take next year off :) . o O ( everybody has a dream, ya know? ) O o . I'd love everybody to love me (a nice long hug in Orlando would be on time too... but wouldn't it be a wonderful world if everybody loved you and everybody else?... I believe we would if we just gave each other a little meaningful time and half a chance, but then I believe in magic and Neverland and imagine all the people living life in peace and sharing all the world too, for that matter), but I know I'll probably not please or amuse or attract everybody all the time... at least I'm usually having a good time and doing my best to harm nothing so even if I don't get everything I want (or love) in this life, I find and create a lot more smiles than frowns... and I hope life is smiling more than frowning for you... is it? the meter doesn't matter when the song is yours the rhymes don't need to fit when there is love the poetry is feeling that somebody cares and everything is beautiful when there is love in all innocence the child still believes that you have a heart that is beautiful and I'm trusting you to treasure all you receive in all sincerity you are wonderful and all you had to do was listen and let a little love in your life and if you dare to come out and play or sing along... poof, no more strife in all honesty the child is a dreamer but believing still makes dreams come true so now that you know feel it in your heart and you will know just what to do and all you have to do was listen and let a little love pass on through and if you dare to share your heart's song I'll sing it along with you remembering what the child always knew we are what we dare to do so let's see... in summation of this oration (or for reading purposes, massive missive) I'm on a mission to find a really cool and compatible roommie and comfortable apartment, or at least a comfortable apartment... then stop working so much (or come to think of it, a higher paying job might be appealing... feel free to pass along leads, info, or my resume wherever it might help) and find another friend or few to go out and have fun with and ultimately, someone who can understand me for some cuddling in front of a favorite video or sunset or wherever... that's where I am, where are you?... thank you for caring and remembering and for being in this world :) and I love you... and remember that there's a hug in Orlando with your name on it... that's what I wanted to tell you... hope that's a smile :) . O O ( I suppose I could have just sent you this link ) O o . http://home.att.net/~anonanonanon/letters/helloitsme.html and spared you this long email, but then... what fun would that be? :) who knows, there might even be an additional word or few and typoes might even be corrected in the web version :P honest love, ric http://home.att.net/~candor (join some online groups) 407-426-7101 (voicemail) To be sure you don't miss the next exciting adventure in words, join The Ricc List by clicking here: ricc-subscribe@egroups.com and to interact and discuss: riclist-subscribe@yahoogroups.com . . . . and now . . . . *** On Coda *** (The Untitled, Unabashed, and Often Unwritten Newsletter) *** Oddest News of The Month http://groups.yahoo.com/group/innocence this was loosely intended to be a group to explore the beauty and wonder of living honesty without harm (what I call innocence)... then suddenly more than a thousand people joined this group... I revised the group description and welcome letter and reduntant letters and hundreds unsubscribed and more people are , but many remained... and now dozens are subscribing and unsubscribing daily... apparently the word innocence attracts strange folk, even pedophiles in the cyber world... might be amusing if it wasn't so scary... please feel free to join the group and observe this apparently human sociological phenomenon (and see what I do about it)... *** Artist to Check Out: Lori Carson *** Other News and Some Local Stuff The Caught My Eye... If I wasn't working, I'd be here Sunday, June 30th, 2PM until dawn: The Stone Soup Collective - Radical Community Space & Info Shop 1020 S. Orange Ave. Orlando, FL 32806 407-999-7700 http://stonesoupcollective.org but alas, I am working... I wonder if I could sleep there :) and I think everybody should love this girl too http://tangerinegirl.com and not just cuz she's the sweetest cherry in an apple pie, but it doesn't hurt :) In and Around Orlando http://groups.yahoo.com/group/orlandoparty (time for fun?) http://groups.yahoo.com/group/orlandofl (find a friend) Calling All Songwriters, Musicians and Vocalists You are invited to attend or perform at the "Songwriters Collaboration Night" this Wed June 27th at the Lost & Found (found at 664 S US 17- 92 ... behind Wendy's)... support your local songwriter (tell Phil I sent ya): http://www.ssa.cc Volunteer To Have Fun at the SAK Comedy Lab call 407-648-0001 or visit < ahref=http://www.sak.com/jocelyn.htm target="_blank">http://www.sak.com/jocelyn.htm ***Final Curtain Call goodnight Archie... love, Edith, Gloria, and the Meathead The Newsletter portion of this mail (On Coda) was brought to you by SPAM, the soft drink in the square can... forget counting calories, it's nutritious, it's delicious, and it's habit forming... pick it up at your local supermarket today! sign up for On Coda here: oncoda-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ----------and now, the conclusion of our story... This mail was sent to everyone in my personal email address book... to get out of my home computer, click here: getmeout@candor.8m.com (or just click reply and tell me you want out and enjoy life without me :) PS... it would be really nice of you if you told me why you want out... I mean, then we could appease my insatiable curiosity and sleep at night and not make me feel like some worthless soul nobody loves who has no place in this world is destined to go to hell in an email very soon... ok? PPS... insatiable curiosity doesn't kill cats, it drives us crazy... PPPS... not that I'm actually a cat, ya know (wonder if they get the joke)... PPPPS... are we having fun yet? (hope so :) PPPPPS... I think I'll be going now (pressing send) LETTERS TO FRIENDS can be inspired by anyone asking me questions or by my desire to keep in touch with friends and people becoming friends or sometimes, just a fantasy of someone I wish was a friend whether you live in Orlando or far away, these are web ways to stay in touch with me (or give me a little attention and feedback) . o O ( J I love attention and feedback... doesn't everybody? J ) O o . Reading on the Web kinda monthly updates: http://home.att.net/~candor/kit weekly summaries: http://home.att.net/~candor/kit/lifetimes daily-ish journals (work): http://home.att.net/~candor/kit/worklife daily-ish journals (life): http://home.att.net/~candor/kit/journals (other deeper journalish writings can be found if you have time to explore) (Heads Up... though these are letters to real people and the journals are based in real offline life, here as much as anywhere in the written gardens on the web there is creative play, literary fantasy, and just stuff a writer with too much time at times might do... differentiating between what is really happening in life offline and what is pure imagination {and how much of each is on each page} is for you to figure out... or specifically ask about) J J More Ways to Keep In Touch via Email (and let me know you care) J semi-infrequent updates by email: ricc-subscribe@egroups.com make sure you're in my addy book: riccc-subscribe@egroups.com various online groups to explore: http://home.att.net/~candor/eg wait for me to respond to mail (could be a while): candor@writeme.com Via Phone, Fax, or Snail Mail LETTER INDEX GO BACK GO ON RUN AWAY! 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