THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE... (I HOPE...) THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE...
LETTERS TO FRIENDS
...sometimes the best I can do to keep in touch is write to everyone at once...

hello again... it's that time again for me to say I don't want to be far away this getting lost is getting old   can I come back into the fold?... I wish I had the time I wish I had the money being down this long   makes it hard to be funny... start again... so here we are in my address book... yup, you're receiving this because you're still here... the computer demons have tried to wipe out the hard drive a couple of times but luck and whatever saved the data even when I was just a step away from sending the little laptop into postal winds to the big bad repair shop... in spite of my risk taking life, somehow we've survived... at least I think we have... the first question, as usual, is... do you want to stay in my address book?... do you want to hear from me?... and do I have your right address?... or do I have too many addresses for you?... simple summary of where I've been... 1998 was the most challenging year I've experienced so far... sometimes I had no email connection at all... sometimes I had no phone at all... sometimes things got even bleaker... a lot bleaker... some of the adventure is shared on my "Keep In Touch" pages on the web... you can get there from the front page and entrance to this web world in which you've found yourself... the front page and entrance to the gardens can be found by clicking on ENTRANCE at the bottom of this page... if you've got some time... and are curious... or you know anyone who loves words and music and rhymes and writing... feedback is food... I mean, I don't want to sound desperate or needy or anything and I sure don't wanna scare ya but... FEED ME!!!... ummmmm, please? :} I'm really doing my best to stay positive and optimistic and share something worth the time you're spending reading here cuz I do care and I want to mean something in this world, in words at least... so goes a writer's dream... or obsession... or addiction... or madness... writing is still my link to sanity, or whatever version of madness I might pass off as functional in this world, so the fact that there's life in my written gardens is the only sign I can offer that I am alive and well inside... this valley of the shadow of death is an interesting place to visit but I think I'm about ready to explore some less challenging paths... now if I just can find my way outta here... I had a map around here somewhere (or was that what I was supposed to be drawing? (scuse me whilst I laugh at myself a bit)... rage, rat, cage, despite it all... or something like that... it seems foolish, but I just had to try to understand why people choose the way... musical cues galore, if some are sorta obscure... I still wonder how I got in this human world... and why... anyway, I am still here... dribbling instead of babbling at times... but even becoming human hasn't stopped my madness... one day I hope to recover the past writings and present the gardens as I had always intended, but until then I'll do the best I can with what I've got to offer now... this letter will be added to the "Letters To Friends" section... there's so much more inside and in archives and stored out of my reach today... someday, I hope... some of you know how important words and music and sharing is to me... simply, this period of minimal sharing I've been in for some time now is kinda like torture for me and I'm working my way out of the hole I dug for myself and sometimes I'm just full of grumbles and sometimes I'm just laughing at the futility of concern for the details... life's so short and temporary and always changing and anything can happen at any moment, so why oh why take any moment more seriously than others... well... maybe cuz some moments are shared with people who care and understand more than others and that makes them feel more real than other moments... is that how memories are made?... maybe... in any case, I'm trying to share a few meaningful moments here with you now... and though Billy Joel's "Don't Ask Me Why" is the first response to myself (doesn't everybody talk to themselves? ;) I just want to care about you cuz caring feels good to me and I know my heart is true when you let me know you feel it too I like caring it's what I'm here for wish I had more time to care even more I like sharing my favorite thing to do is to let you know I care about you so why don't I do it more often?... lots of reasons... sometimes I've had no way... I mean, there've been periods in the past two years where I literally lived the song "Don't Laugh At Me", though I didn't depend on a cardboard sign for help... and there were periods I was working close to 100 hours a week trying to catch up and rebuild some sort of reasonable life... that's today, as my "worklife" page will show you... and sometimes I felt like nobody cared and just wallowed in self-pity or depression or some sort of black hole... and sometimes I was just sitting here wondering what to say and not figuring out how to re-enter your mailbox... ummmm, hi?... I haven't had a desk or chair to sit comfortably and let the words flow for most of the last few years... wow, it's been almost 5 years since I left my comfortable writer's garret in my nice big comfortable home for this latest journey... just about everything that could go wrong did go wrong and here I am, finding physical discomforts and lots of other challenges interfering with my writing process... that's the easy stuff... but who wants to hear complaints?... alas, maybe it's time to actually create a new plan (a sure sign that my indominible spirit, incorrigible positivity, and seemingly indestructible madness is intact is that I am laughing at myself right now... but before I start pondering how I might be able to make life even more challenging for me, I'll slap myself serious ;} some of you know me a little and some of you wonder who I am and maybe there's a few still in this world who come close to starting to understand it all makes sense to me and it keeps me happy when I'm true to my ideals I know how peace feels most people reach for the comforts I tend to reach for extremes I'm just the kind never satisfied unless I am following all of my dreams and it gets lonely sometimes cuz I rarely compromise I don't fit in much in this world I'm either a fool or I'm wise but it all makes sense to me and that's what counts I guess when I'm true to my heart I know happiness yes it all makes sense to me and it keeps me happy when I'm true to my ideals I know how peace feels so how are you, really?... I hope your life is less challenging than mine... unless, of course, you're as crazy as I am and get off on challenges... I'm ready for a vacation I think... "What About Bob?" comes to mind... life is like frozen swiss cheese for me... every step is slippery and one misstep and I'm deeper into holes I carefully carved in this life over the past few years... it'll make an amazing story to tell once I finally return to a bit more stable life... whether it'll be more Stephen King or Charles Dickens or Dr. Suess is yet to be seen, but knowing me, it'll be at least a combination platter and more likely an all-you-can-eat buffet ;} I am trying to keep in touch, for what it's worth... hopefully you'll explore the web stuff I put up for you to see... I'm letting you know about it cuz you've cared about me and I've cared about you and I respect your heart and mind and as long as there's life, there's hope that we'll find time to laugh and play and sing and dance and have fun together again - online, on paper, or on some more physical world level... I've been sleeping so long my eyes still seem closed even when I think I'm awake I've been away so long maybe I'm forgotten I hope not for my spirit's sake I've been down so long hanging from my heels I'm not sure which way is up and there were some moments I forgot how good it feels to share a smile and a cup share a cup with me whatever you're drinking let me know how you feel tell me what you are thinking share a cup with me I can still be a friend if we believe in each other my sister, my brother we'll remember that love doesn't end and in sharing we'll find peace of heart and mind   and our cup will run over again... sometimes I feel like I've been runneth over by a train, actually (excuse my irreverent sarcasm, it's just a means of survival ;} ... but it aint over till it's over and there's no fat lady singing and I've still got a million cliches to bandy about before I go... so... one more cup of whatever before we go?... ok, so life's been tough... a real mess... all my own doing, so any complaints I have are directed at me, the person responsible... and I'll grumble and fumble and bumble my way through... and I'll kick myself in the butt to keep my head up and I'll walk on through the wind and the rain and believe... never walk alone?... well, it's a spiritual and ethereal reality for me... but sometimes, especially these days, I wish I had a hand to hold for a little walk around the block or something... there's a little kid in me who's been feeling lonely ashamed of the mess I made tired of the games I've played and I need this kid's forgiveness and I need to be his friend but he looks at me and asks   are we there yet?... when does this journey end? there's a little kid in me who just wants a mommy he's been very sad and blue cuz I've not been too good to him, it's true and I need this kid's respect again maybe you know what I mean? maybe you know someone who's been through something similar when lean becomes too lean we've got to love each other we've got to love ourselves we've got to share what we feel make ourselves real take our dreams down from the shelves we've got to give each other we've got to give ourselves take the chance to really share show someone we care that is how to make peace with ourselves there's a little kid in me who's been feeling misery he used to love my rhymes they always lead to better times and I need this kid to believe in me so I'm rhyming once again simple words to let him know   I'm sorry... and I want to be his friend so many mistakes so many wrong turns so many knock downs but that's how he learns as long as I love him and find ways to let him know no matter how lost I get no matter how far away I roam there's a little kid in me   and he'll always bring me home...   now I just need to get home... well... believing in people helps me believe in myself... believing you still care helps me believe in people... so writing to you is intended to help me... and hopefully isn't a waste of your time if you find worth in the words I share... I'm looking for friends, old and new... that's first... I'm looking for lots more... I'm looking for new opportunities in life, in work, in living situations, in locations, in love, in just about everything... I'm looking for word-lovers, music lovers, life lovers, people lovers, animal lovers, tree lovers, sharing lovers, caring lovers, true lovers (help me network by passing me along to anyone you think might like me? :) and I'm looking to inspire your smile... hope I have... I'm not as light and slap-happy as I've been in past times, but I'm still keeping the faith... still seeking to brighten your days... or nights... and believing in love and friends and caring and sharing and simple things... like smiles... and hugs... whatever happens I love you it makes me happy to so I do whatever happens believe in yourself you're the real writer of the book on your shelf you can ask for some help you can reach high or low but whatever happens you learn as you go you make your decisions and only you know for better or worse what's real and what's so and some times are harder and some times are softer and some times are easier than others but whatever happens we're in it together life makes us all sisters and brothers you can isolate yourself or you can share you can choose to love or you can choose to fear you make your decisions and only you know what's right for you you learn as you go whatever happens wherever you go your dreams are your map make it real... make it so whatever happens be true to yourself you're the only writer of the book on your shelf whatever happens I love you it makes me happy to so I do *HUG*... hope you feel cared about... cuz you are... out of the blue, but still it is true... an if life's providing lots of lemons as mine has, well... I've learned to enjoy lemonade all the more :} ... so how are you and why?... yup, why... why is important :} anybody wanna adopt me? hoping I'm closing with laughter at your end too... take care of you and remember I do care, even when I'm not here... life's worth it... honest love, ric if you want to know more about me or my life, real, surreal, and imaginary... the written gardens and my keep in touch pages are where you'll find me... click on ENTRANCE below... "Could you put your light on please, it's kind of dark tonight And I feel a little lonely, yes, I need a little light Could you put your light on please, let me hear a friendly sound I could make it through 'til morning if you could let your light shine down ~ Harry Chapin ~ onward along this path... LETTER INDEX        GO BACK        GO ON        RUN AWAY! EMAIL EMAIL Candor Communications    ©1998, 2001