Abstract: It's simple, if you don't like your significant other the way he or she is, leave. You shouldn't have gotten together to begin with. Be truthful with yourself, and don't make life difficult for both of you. And vice-versa... if her or she doesn't like what you are and wants to change you, leave.

I am what I am.

Yeah, I have had a few bad relationships that took me to depression, but they educated me, opened my eyes, and, hopefully, taught me to recognize, trust and be thankful for the good ones... although I am NOT looking for a relationship... and this writeup is only documenting lessons learned.

So, in trying to understand what was happening in my life, I thought about what a good relationship should be instead. What should I have looked for, and what should I have provided in one. For this reason, I soul-searched and came up with some reasonable criteria or expectations for myself and for the other.

WHAT I SHOULD HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR

The cynical middle-aged-man's sieve is...
(1) does she have a job?
(2) does she have a house? and
(3) are her children gone?
Yes, this is stated as somewhat of a joke.

Relationship books all seem to have something in common... they all recommend what I can summarize in some basic rules:
(1) Trust in God and in each other
(2) Give the benefit of the doubt
(always assume positive intent) and
have a positive attitude
(3) Communicate
(4) Contribute
(5) Respect, and
(6) Commit to be together.

What is anyone looking for, besides the basics? And, yes, sometimes we forget the basics... maturity, responsibility, ethics and morals.

Friends. It's been told to me numerous times that we must first be friends before we could be anything else. In his Summa Theologiae, St. Thomas Aquinas said "... consists in an inseparable union of minds; a couple is pledged to one another in faithful friendship."

The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.
   - Henri Nouwen (1932-1996)

Friends are very rare jewels. Friends make you smile, and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their heart to us... So, how do we become good friends?

But above all, there has to be faith. There must be a single standard for both... whatever you hold me to, you must hold sacred for yourself too, measured with the same yardstick. Surely as a good person you already do this in everyday life. This goes for you respecting my wishes, and me yours, as well as for every aspect of our relationship. No hypocrisy. This is The Golden Rule.

I am not looking for a leader. And I'm sure you aren't either. I know what I need to do without reminding. I am looking for somebody to have confidence in me, who can provide encouragement and motivation. Someone to appreciate me, acknowledge me, and love me... the way I am. Aren't you?

I am certainly not looking for someone who has to tear me down (criticize), just because this makes them feel better. Instead of tearing the other down, we must compliment, commend and congratulate each other... build UP instead of down... and thus get an even better "feel better" feeling.

In the same vein, we must also think before we speak, that is, turn on brain before engaging tongue. Just because you are an influencer, manipulator, woman, or whatever, does not give you the right to just spit things out irresponsibly.

And this applies whether you are aggressive or passive-aggressive.

When you get angry, you have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give you the right to be cruel to me.

Words are very powerful, and can do either a great deal of good or a great deal of harm. The wrong words can do a great deal of damage to a relationship and to the individual. Nobody wants to deal with an angry, bile-spewing monster... whether you're shouting it, whispering it, emailing it... either smiling or serious. Each one of us must be responsible ("own up") for what we do or say, with no excuses, convenient forgetfulness or otherwise.

When you communicate a point, you must get the other person to tell you back what he or she heard... repeats it back to you, and then you restate that point again, agreeing that the point wast well taken. In engineering lingo, it's called "handshaking" or creating a "closed loop." However, this is not the same as forcing a point. Nothing should be forced. There must be agreement or compromise of the two.

Is love discussed in here someplace? No, the overuse of the word has made it a cliche, meaning little. My electronic parrot says this all the time, with as much meaning as in past relationships. Don't tell me you love me, show me. I'm no innocent, and neither are you, no matter who you are.

Long-term relationship need much encouragement and motivation. I've not had it... not from my mother, not from my ex-wife... not from anyone. The closest to it have been those few and rare individuals, who functioned as my teachers, who for a few months brought out the best in me. The best I had was in the eighth grade, when I found and brought in some stolen test papers. Right before I got beat up by the punks for it, Brother James gave me a simple honest appreciative comment: "someday you'll be a great man." But I also remember old tender Ms Minton's enthusiasm, which made me curious for the English Classics; Ms Hoy's refreshing interest in us all in Biology grabbed my heart and then my mind; and grouchy Mr. Quaranta's mastery of Calculus and disdain for the slide rule, which challenged me.

I have some current friends which are very supportive, and thus I not only rely on them but relish their friendships. I know what has to be done, and how. I'm experienced in this and have provided such many times.

I've never felt loved (or accepted) unconditionally. I've never felt complete acceptance. I know how hard this is to do, because I have a tough time doing this myself. It is possible, but is also very difficult to do. I've seen it in others, but can't quite seem to receive it from a long-term relationship. Every romantic relationship has eventually had strings attached to their love. The strings were either to provide or do what they wanted. I suspect that when love eventually goes away, the string appear.

I do not want anybody to fix me, i.e., no directing, no hoops, no nagging... and I certainly don't want to fix you either... I have enough problems to solve already. Yes, I know I have problems, but I also know God isn't through with me yet. My church people say that God loves us so much that He gives us the freedom for each of us to change ourselves, at our own pace.

If instead of nagging, you'd give me long-term unconditional love, I'd be changing and improving without anybody having to voice demands and expectations.

Just love me: Don't just tell me you love me but SHOW me you love me by actions... and words.

My mother would yell at me to stand up straight. If instead of this brow-beat she'd been nice to me and complemented me, then I would have stood 10 foot tall.

Change is inevitable. We all change, all of the time. I am willing to work on myself, but my own way, my own agenda, at my own time. We're different people, and it's obvious that what works for you does not work for me, and vice-versa. You'd have to have patience and faith... faith that I have judgment and know what to change (I'm not exactly an uneducated slob).

It may not help your ego to realize this, but you do not necessarily know more than I do.

I'm going to do this whether you're with me or not... i.e., I've done dam well and I'm going to shine whether you are with me or not. You'd have to give the freedom and love to do this on my own, just like I'd have to trust that you can do the same.

I know that sometimes life can be very trying, and we're going to have some disagreements. I will not fight... I will listen but will not accept your nagging, and before the day is over (before I escape) I'm willing to gently and lovingly work with you and show you that, even though I will still disagree with you, I still love you. I expect you to do the same back. And if you don't, then I will quit trying and the relationship will end.

Yes, having a relationship could be all hard work, and if this is all it is to you, then see ya! I would like to have some fun, too... and not get so busy that this becomes difficult. Along with the fun, I like to be able to laugh... it brightens my life. Laugh with me and half our problems are solved.

We all need somebody to give us encouragement, motivation and the freedom we need to improve, and unconditional love... and we must be willing do the same back. That's the ticket!

But if you want to be so independent that you want to do things on your own rather than together. If it's really all about material possessions. If you are looking for a comfortable roommate and a free ride. Then I'm not significant to you. You're not interested in me. Nor do you care about me, even though you say you love me. This is called being irresponsible, dependent, and fraud... besides shallow and self-centered. So, I hope you enjoy your life without me. As the days go by, I'll think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me. And, no, we won't be "friends" either.

I have lots of "friends." Probably too many by now. However, Symbiotic and synergistic long-term relationships are unusual and treasured. I have to see a future. I have to invest myself on the long-term, and need consistency in my life. I believe in the "Come grow old with me... the best is yet to be" philosophy... not the typical 1-year honeymoon.

We all need some understanding. We need somebody to provide the mental and physical cuddling that this crazy world requires. Sometimes we need someone to just listen to us, reserving judgment... with no problem solving, no telling me or you what to do, and no criticism. We must be able to speak with the confidence that the other is going to keep our conversations just between us. Am I willing to do this? Could you?

I can provide, I will be faithful, and I will be there for my significant other. I have done this before, and will do it again. I'd expect the other to contribute in some way to this relationship as much as I will contribute to it. Instead of fighting me, I expect to see her next to me in this team, with her shoulders on the harness, consistently pushing alongside of me, like a duo, instead of a duel.

After God, you would come first in my heart, with family second, and everything else third. And it must be the same with you.

I can give you my heart,
but not my soul.
And I won't be back.
   - Peter, Paul & Mary

It may be a better life with you, but I'm doing just fine without you, and am certainly ready to live my life this way... that is, I have proven that I can live without you, the question is if I want to live with you.

So, there... those are my reasonable expectations for a good relationship. If I had to put it all in one word, I'd say I'd be looking for unconditional acceptance (OK, two), or as close to it as I could get. Aren't you?

I wish you good luck.

-Willy

ON RELATIONSHIP PHILOSOPHY-

Every obstacle
presents an opportunity
to improve our condition.

Without adversity
there is no drive.

Time heals.

The best is yet to come.

Do the right thing,
no matter what.

To know how much you love someone
you have to let yourself feel
how much it hurts to lose them.

She was like a machine,
incapable of emotion...
no emotional bond,
no emotional involvement...
had no meaning to me or for me.

Every person has something
that they put themselves into.
Figure hers out and buy into it.

How was your day?
Ffffine.

Fear and depression are a thieves.
They steals all your todays
and make you dread tomorrow.
But today is all you have
and there's no reason to worry about tomorrow
because God is already there.

When something...
a state of mind...
makes you frightened and nervous,
afraid or depressed,
the tendency is to find something
that distracts and soothes.

Watch what you do...
don't give satan an invitation
to give you an answer.

Evil is a little piece of hell
searching for a home.

You just go on
because you have to.

Her qualities,
good or bad,
are what makes her
what she is.

She found in him a dupe.

Sometimes people
that love each other
get frustrated.
People have differences...
but, in a family, you help each other
get past your differences.

What happened?
She was fast
and with an attitude.

From error to error
one discovers the entire truth.
   - Sigmund Freud

Marriage
is two people torturing each other
until they die.

You don't get over it...
you get on with it.

Relationships don't end with a bang
but with a whimper.

Forgive everyone for everything.

Enjoy the ride.

Don't relive yesterday.

You cannot fix stupid...
you can only laugh at it.

Sometimes
the only way
to get the right perspective
is to let time pass.

Time heals.

It's hard
to find the right medication
for grief.

Don't trade the power of love
for the love of power.

Don't be blinded
by what you've mistaken for love.

There are angels
and there are devils.
If it feels good
to have someone looking after me,
make sure it's an angel,
not a devil.

Sometimes it takes a deep hurt
to feel a deep need for God.

Love does not force relationships,
love is always a choice.

Laugh in their faces
when they say mean things,
and prove by our success
that we're better than they are.

Questions that have no answer:
"Do I look fat?"
"So, it's OK with you if I'm not smart?"

Every rose has thorns.

You love what you bump into.

Clapping,
or offering positive affirmation,
was the one gesture that changed everything.

Just because I'm past my "Sell By" date
doesn't mean I'm ready to go...
I'm not worn out just yet.

A leopard doesn't change his spots.

People look fairly normal...
until you find out what they've done.

We are all looking for someone who cares.

The force of evil
can be pretty ordinary.

Quickest way to kill a relationship
is to take its pulse.

It wasn't about sex for her...
it was about winning you.
You were the game piece.

Pretty girls get away with everything.

Grow old along with me.
The best is yet to be.
   - Robert Browning

Fault-finding
is the end of a relationship.

Can't just follow your heart
because your heart can be deceived.

People will live up
to what you believe of them.

Some of the best things
bloom late in the season.

Be wary of the man who urges an action
in which he himself incurs no risk.
   - Joaquin Setanti

You have every right
to do whatever you want
with your life...
but not with mine.

Sometimes a person
tries to accomplish... whatever...
with a little smooth talking
and some fast action.

Sometimes a person goes through
much of the grieving process
and moves on,
while in place,
long before the other person
understands the relationship is over.

Sometimes a person's love
burns brightly as ever
while the candle grows short.

Sometimes people can't agree
on the shape of the table
at which to negotiate.

Sometimes we're in love
with the FANTASY
of who you'd like for her or him to be.

The supreme happiness of life
is the conviction that we are loved.
   - Victor Hugo

She gave me a smile,
and I gave her my heart.
   - an engineer

Marriage is an adventure,
like going to war.
   - G.K. Chesterton

Love and respect
are the most important aspects
of parenting
and of all relationships.
   - Jodie Foster,
     2 sons, never married

Sometimes,
saying goodbye
is the right thing to do.

Celebrate life!

La suerte de la fea
la linda la desea.

Remember that
to be in love,
you need to feel loved.

You can't go back.

She or he did you wrong?
Laugh at it!

Don't let
the bastards
and the bitches
take you down.

I've got to accept myself
unconditionally...
where I am.
I've got to love me first.

Relationships consume
and, sometimes, it's time to go on.

Detach!

Don't ask a question
if you can't handle the answer.

In life, as in chess,
every move has a consequence.

And whose need is that?
Don't confuse my needs with the other's.

Speaking without thinking
is shooting without taking aim.
   - Spanish Proverb

It's not anybody's fault...
Sometimes love simply dies.

Love feels no burden,
thinks nothing of trouble,
attempts what is above its strength,
pleads no excuse of impossibility;
for it thinks all things lawful for itself,
and all things possible.
   - Thomas a Kempis (c. 1380-1471)

If a rock and a flower can do it,
then anybody can be a friendly neighbor.

When St. Peter asks me who I love best
I'll tell Him that it was her.

I still see what we were not...
I just choose not to acknowledge it.

In an emergency
put on your oxygen mask first.

Just ignore everything they say
and only pay attention to what they do.

My days were darkest during dawn.

Always assume positive intent
or give the benefit of the doubt.

People that matter don't mind,
and the ones who mind, don't matter.

We should be as careful going out
as we were careless going in.

The people
that matter
know the truth.

There’s no need
to explain yourself
to others.

If that's what you want or need
to think or believe
then so be it.

Every solution
brings new problems.

If I'm making the other miserable,
and I love her...
the loving thing to do is
for me to get out of the way.

There’s no reality,
only perception.

Have to respect the other’s reality.

Seduction and snickerdoodles
are totally different things.

There are areas
that are off-limits
to teasing.

Hey, it is what it is.

Insanity
is doing the same thing
over and over again
and expecting
different results.
   - Albert Einstein

Trust my gut.

Some people ain't kind.
   - John Prine

The woods
are lovely, dark and deep...
and healing.
   - mostly Robert Frost

Carry my own character defects
without showing my own shortcomings.

I can choose to be whatever.

Know myself...
don't play games
and don't lie to myself.

We all want to be loved, nurtured & respected.

I must always make the choice
that brings me peace and serenity.

There's no need
to explain myself to others.

Create clarity for me, not for others.

I don't have to do a damned thing.

If somebody asks me "why..."
they are taking my power away
the minute I answer.

I'm glad to be alive,
I'm finally free to be me,
I'm glad to be me.

Seek those who find your road agreeable,
your personality and mind stimulating,
your philosophy acceptable,
and your experience helpful.
Let those who do not,
seek their own kind.
   - Jean-Henri Fabre

One goal is to diet and fitness,
to outlive the bitches and a-holes.

I must exercise due diligence,
but don't let them
take advantage of me.

A gem is not polished without rubbing,
nor a man perfected without trials.
   - Chinese Proverb

It is the wounded oyster
that mends its shell with pearl.
   - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I can't make you love me
if you don't.
   - Bonnie Raitt

Gandhi said that a relationship must be based on respect, understanding, acceptance and appreciation.

I must not accept unacceptable behavior.
The minute I do, I'm training the other.

We can be addicted to feelings, like rage.

Addictions must be overcome by ourselves.

Pathological liars believe themselves,
just like self-deceptive individuals.

Dreams are real while they last...
same as life.

I just want to make good choices.
   - Christina Applegate

By the grace of God go I.

It's what I do to me.

Don't expect anybody else to rescue me.

Don't give anybody power over me!

Judgmental and critical people do that
to make themselves feel better
about themselves.

Don't judge people,
judge behavior.

Stay far away from
shallow and self-centered people,
to whom you are insignificant.

Laptop... held my data hostage,
sort of like a soon-to-be ex-spouse.
   - Mary Anne Swanstrom

What is a cynic?
A man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
  - Oscar Wilde

Coping strategy
to deal with anxiety/depression:
Make a Gratitude List
EVERY time you feel it.

HALT when you are
Hungry
Angry
Lonely or
Tired.

Our best relationship is one where
dependence is mutual,
the independence is equal
and the obligation is reciprocal.
  - Mary Pearl T.

Just because a jackass brays
does not mean
that you have to take it to heart.
  - Jeanne Phillips

The grass is not always greener
on the other side...
sometimes it's just poison ivy.
  - Jeanne Phillips

Do what you do well.

Take care of myself.

Detach.

Nobody is going to come rescue me.

I have to change MY attitude.

The answer is always with US.

Want and you're a sick puppy,
Need and you're recovering.

We choose addition to avoid pain.

Don't give anybody anything
unless they ask for it.

Everything behind the "but" is bullshit.

Fear, sadness and hurt
are primary emotions.

Anger is made up of
fear, hurt and sadness.

The way out of the victim/rescuer loop
is honesty...
but you get the perception of persecutor.

If you grieve well
you will live well.

Every chance encounter
holds the potential
for generosity and transformation...
or not.

When it gets dark
the stars come out.

The difference
between surprise
and deception
is thin, indeed.

There is no difference
between surprise and deceit.

Sometimes you just have
to lower your expectations.

There's no fool
Like an old fool.

Love is an act of faith,
and whoever is of little faith
is also of little love.
   - Erich Fromm

It's HOW it's said,
more than what is said,
that counts.

Patience and passage of time
do more than strength and fury.
   - Jean de la Fontaine

Say what it is
but be kind
to yourself
and to others.

It takes a mighty good wife
to be better than none.
   - Jessica's calendar

Lord, have mercy on me...
and give me acceptance,
and peace.

She did you wrong?
Laugh at it!
Laugh at her!
And laugh with me!

People are incapable of pure love
and always have to mix love and hate.
   - Sigmund Freud

If you pick up a starving dog
and make him prosperous,
he will not bite you.
That is the principal difference
between dog and man.
   - Mark Twain

It's over, man,
let her go!

If a nest looks like a cage... run!

All that I did...
I did out of heartfelt love for you.

Are you thru with me yet?
   - Dawn

There's no doubt about it...
People are cruel.

When you get angry,
you may have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give you the right
to be cruel to me.

Was it provocation?
Was it independence?
Was it lack of common sense?
Was it irresponsibility?
Don't know... doesn't matter...
it WAS the end.

Yes, I do want to get over you.

As the days go by,
I think of how lucky I am...
that she's not here
to ruin it for me.

Someone's bad opinion of you
does not have to become your reality.

I continue to learn from my mistakes.
Each failure
is merely a bump
in the road to success.
I must learn from my mistakes
and move forward...
I must take action now.

I will no longer listen
to the negative self-talk that clutters my head.
I choose to replace it
with the message that I CAN do it.

Lord, I don't know why you want me
to carry this heavy and useless load,
but you said so, so I will.

Life is like riding a bicycle.
To keep your balance
you must keep moving.
   - Albert Einstein

Love is when Mommy sees Daddy
smelly and sweaty
and still says he is handsomer
than Robert Redford.
   - Chris (age 7)

God promises to give us
the necessary new perspective
to see his goodness and grace
in the midst
of our abandoned expectations.
   - Margaret Manning

Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.

Be kinder than necessary,
for everyone you meet
is fighting
some kind of battle.

I realized that everything I did
that I thought was special
was not appreciated nor reciprocated.
To be in love
you need to feel loved.

Women and cats
will do as they please,
and men and dogs
should relax
and get used to the idea.
   - Robert A. Heinlein

You may think she's just your gal,
but she may be everyone's pal!
   - Ad for condoms from the 40's

He- "I have a terrible sense of loss,
     wish it was more."
She- "It was! Wish you could have been there."
   - William Holden's character
and ex-fiance in the 1973 movie "Breezy."

A relationship must be based on
respect, understanding,
acceptance and appreciation.
   - Gandhi

Who you are speaks so loudly
I can't hear what you're saying.
   - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Love is the triumph of imagination
over intelligence.
   - H. L. Mencken

To be in love
is merely to be in a state
of perpetual anesthesia...
to mistake an ordinary young woman
for a goddess.
   - H. L. Mencken

No one has ever loved anyone
the way everyone wants to be loved.
   - Mignon McLaughlin

Sex is a momentary itch,
Love never lets you go
   - Kingsley Amis

No one perfectly loves God
who does not perfectly love
some of His creatures.
   - Marguerite de Valois

Love is like quicksilver in the hand.
Leave the fingers open and it stays.
Clutch it, and it darts away.
   - Dorothy Parker

Follow love and it will flee,
Flee love and it will follow thee.
   - John Gay

Let something go,
and if it comes back, it's yours.
If it doesn't,
hunt it down and kill it
(just kidding!).
   - unknown

There are more people
who wish to be loved
than there are
who are willing to love.
   - Sebastian Roch

One of the keys to happiness
is a bad memory.
   - Rita Mae Brown

Among those whom I like or admire,
I can find no common denominator,
but among those whom I love, I can:
all of them make me laugh.
   - W. H. Auden

The honey is sweet,
but the bee has a sting.
   - Benjamin Franklin

Immature love says
"I love you because I need you."
Mature love says
"I need you because I love you."
   - Erich Fromm

Never judge someone
by who he's in love with;
judge him by his friends.
People fall in love
with the most appalling people.
Take a cool, appraising glance
at his pals.
   - Cynthia Heimel

Infatuation is when you think
he's as sexy as Robert Redford,
as smart as Henry Kissinger,
as noble as Ralph Nader,
as funny as Woody Allen,
and as athletic as Jimmy Conners.
Love is when you realize that
he's as sexy as Woody Allen,
as smart as Jimmy Connors,
as funny as Ralph Nader,
as athletic as Henry Kissinger
and nothing like Robert Redford...
but you'll take him anyway.
   - Judith Viorst

Love is a fire.
But whether it is going to
warm your hearth or burn down your house,
you can never tell.
   - Joan Crawford

Lemon tree, very pretty,
and the lemon flower is sweet...
But the fruit of the poor lemon
is impossible to eat.
   - Peter, Paul & Mary

When your poor heart is on the mend,
I might just be by this way again.
   - Peter, Paul & Mary

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fold me twice, shame on me.
(This ain't gonna happen, babe!)

You can never go back home.
   - Thomas Wolfe

I didn't know what I was getting into
when I chose my path in life.
It's been an enterprise
fraught with danger, hardship,
and constant struggle...
but enough about marriage.
   - Dik Browne

He- "Is she a better arguer?",
She- "No, she has more stamina."
   - Dik Browne

He- "You two have been married 30 years...
     What's your secret?",
She- "Be your own person...
     Have your own space,
     and stay out of each other's way."
He- "Why did you get married?",
She- "For companionship."
- Mort Walker

I vow never again
be taken advantage of,
manipulated by
or settle for less than I deserve
from a member of the opposite sex.
   - Cathy Guisewite

My grandpa says you learn most everything
AFTER you think you know it all.
   - Hank Ketcham

It does not matter
how slowly you go,
as long as you do not stop.
   - Confucius

We cannot change the wind...
but we CAN adjust our sails.

Men marry women
hoping they won't change.
Women marry men
hoping THEY will.

Either you control your attitude
or it controls you.

Lord, grant me the wisdom
to know when to stay
and when to quit...
And the grace
to do so with dignity.

They say women...
they will come
and they will go.
   - Fleetwood Mac, "Dreams"

The thing about people
is that they always know
a little more
than you think they do.
   - Hank Ketcham

Warning: The meaning of life
is subject to change without notice.
   - Bob Thaves

He has a first-rate mind...
I LIKE having
my most cherished assumptions tested
by a formidable intellect!
   - Gary Trudeau

I was too wrapped up
in my own problems
to seize the moment.
   - Fagan

All things must change,
and only that which changes
remains true.
   - Carl Jung

Never put a period
where God has put a comma.

Be quick to praise,
slower to criticize!
   - Dale Carnegie

Happiness is the journey,
not the destination.

No matter how good a friend someone is,
they're going to hurt me every once in a while
and I must forgive them for that.

Our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but WE are responsible for who we become.

Pray as if everything depended on God.
Act as if everything depended on you.
   - St. Ignatius of Loyola

Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching.

Throw your heart into it...
and your body will surely follow.

You don't have to know all the answers
to solve the puzzle.

It's a Wonderful Life!