Disclaimer: I'm an engineer, so let's do some "problem solving" together, since it's what I know how to do. I know that you might not be at the point that you can think of this, and I'm sure you've already heard all this before, but bear with me, just in case. The recommendation below is my own, based upon my experience and what worked for me, it is not from a doctor or professional councelor.

When my best friend and fiance left me, it was a trigger that drove me deep into despondency or depression. I had become insignificant to her, but I was still heads-over-heels in love with her. I had a monster headache, but every part of my body hurt too, and I could hardly walk. After staying home for almost 2 weeks, during which my co-workers and buddies kept calling me, I started to respond.

First, I found a reason for getting out of this depression. Whether you are depressed due to the death of a loved one, a broken relationship or divorce, or whatever... I remembered that there is an old Christian tradition that God sends each person into this world with a special message to deliver, with a special song to sing for others, with a special act of love to bestow. No one else can speak your message or sing your song or offer your act of love. These have been entrusted only to you. And thus, I had a mission.

Given that, I went to see a good psychologist, just for a few sessions. Insurance paid for about half of the charges. He not only led me by the hand in this difficult time but also definitely recommended that my doctor prescribe an antidepressant. I did talk to my doctor too while I was there. There is a new family of antidepressants that works very well. Even though I might have had doubts, I was definitely depressed, and this erroneous thinking was part of the depression. Kind of like that old saying: whether you believe there's a god or not, he exists, nevertheless. The antidepresant took 4 weeks to work, and I needed the help yesterday. I wrote down what the psychologist said, and did what he suggested. Shrink and pills are both essential.

I continued to communicate with family, girlfriends, buddies, co-workers and acquaintances, all who continued to give me the kindness and sympathy I needed, but with uppermost in mind to get over this trauma... I didn't want to be a dependent. This worked very well for me.

At first it seemed impossible to do, but I knew I needed to take this emotional bull by the horn right then and there, and wrestle him down to the ground... and that only I could do this. I had help, but it was up to me. That is, I cried, yelled, beat a pillow, took my pills, fought my devils, did whatever it took to get it out of my system, BUT planning all the time to get on with my life, planning to become independent and planning to stand up on my own two feet, soon. Life IS good.

Also, I was a voracious reader of books and internet on the subjects of philosophy and psychology, and that made me feel better... worked very well for me too.

Finally, after the grief settled, I became angry. I went for fitness hard. Began bicycle commuting to work, doing daily cardio, and lifting very heavy. I became ferocious!

Exercise generates endorphins, which made me feel better in body and mind. Some tricks that helped me keep going to the gym are (1) I went right after work, before getting home, (2) I thought of it like a class, that I had to be at, at a specific time, weekdays at 5, (3) I took an aerobics class there, (4) I had a friend to meet there, but you could make new friends there to work out with, (5) or you could hire a personal trainer for 3 or 4 sessions... just to get you started, some work Saturdays, and charge maybe $50/session (depends on your location).

Change is inevitable. We all change, all of the time. I work on myself in my own way, my own agenda, at my own time. We're different people, and it's obvious that what works for you may not work for me, and vice-versa. You have to have patience and faith, and find what works for you.

And, most importantly, I kept in mind that others do not necessarily know more than I do. That is, I had to work hard to remind myself that what my significant other said and did was just her bullshit and her problem. I AM a nice guy. I had to have confidence in myself, told myself that I was going to get over this too, that I've done dam well and that I was going to shine, again.

Yes, this was work. At first nothing interested me, but I just kept plugging along like a machine... until I was able to have some fun, too. Came out of my shell, laughed out loud... at anything or nothing... to brighten my life.

I wish you good luck.

-Willy

ON  PHILOSOPHY-

Patience and passage of time
do more than strength and fury.
   - Jean de la Fontaine

Say what it is
but be kind
to yourself
and to others.

Lord, have mercy on me...
and give me acceptance,
and peace.

I will no longer listen
to the negative self-talk that clutters my head.
I choose to replace it
with the message that I CAN do it.

Lord, I don't know why you want me
to carry this heavy and useless load,
but you said so, so I will.

Life is like riding a bicycle.
To keep your balance
you must keep moving.
   - Albert Einstein

God promises to give us
the necessary new perspective
to see his goodness and grace
in the midst of our abandoned expectations.
   - Margaret Manning

Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.

Be kinder than necessary,
for everyone you meet
is fighting
some kind of battle.

One of the keys to happiness
is a bad memory.
   - Rita Mae Brown

It does not matter
how slowly you go,
as long as you do not stop.
   - Confucius

We cannot change the wind...
but we CAN adjust our sails.

Either you control your attitude
or it controls you.

Warning: The meaning of life
is subject to change without notice.
   - Bob Thaves

All things must change,
and only that which changes
remains true.
   - Carl Jung

Never put a period
where God has put a comma.

Be quick to praise,
slower to criticize!
   - Dale Carnegie

Happiness is the journey,
not the destination.

Our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but WE are responsible for who we become.

Pray as if everything depended on God.
Act as if everything depended on you.
   - St. Ignatius of Loyola

Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching.

Throw your heart into it...
and your body will surely follow.

You don't have to know all the answers
to solve the puzzle.

Somebody did you wrong?
Laugh at it!
Laugh at her!
And laugh with me!

It's a Wonderful Life!