You buy two Siamese cats and call them Koko and Yum Yum.
You feed them gourmet cooking until they die.
You give them a bookshelf so they could knock off books pertinent to your life.
You believe that they are psychic.
You count their whiskers until they bite you.
You use a turkey roaster for their commode...
You actually call it a commode.
You have intelligent conversations with your cats.
You move into an apple barn.
You talk about the cats as if they are the best people in the world, so your friends don’t even know they’re cats.
You bring home goodies after every dinner and get it all over your pocket.
You try to teach your Yum Yum how to hide things under the rug.
You have a copy of every book.
You read your copies until they rot, and then buy more.
You write Lilian Jackson Braun every month.
Eventually, you write diary entries titled "Dear Lilian", collect them every month, and mail them to Mrs. Braun.
You offer to cat-sit Koko III and Pitti Sing.
You hug your books and scream when they get stained or ripped.
You talk to your books.
You cry when someone like Iris Cobb dies.
You cry when anyone, I mean anyone dies.
You ask your cats to solve the mystery.
You succeed in solving every mystery...
You come up with a repetitive plot formula.
You analyze every book.
You drink tomato juice daily.
You are a very involved reader...for instance, you yell, "Qwill, you idiot!" when he acts like one.
You write a book about the worst bathrooms in the area, so Hixie doesn’t have to.
You grow a moustache like Qwill.
You are so obsessed you try to form a self-help group so it won’t take over your life.
You play dictionary with your cats.
You develop a sudden interest in the subcultures mentioned in the books.
You try to cook every dish mentioned.
You succeed in doing so.
You ask every person you meet if they’ve read the series.
You draw little cats all over your note pad.
You try to get other people to name their cats Koko.
You move to an area 400 miles north of everywhere.
You keep a bottle of Essence of Lime in your bathroom.
You judge people by whether the cats like them or not.
You try to teach your cats to N-n-n-NOW!
You are willing to spend a fortune so you can get every book that comes out.
You hope Mrs. Braun lives to be over 100.
You try to write a Cat Who styled story yourself.
You have a morbid fear of Goodwinters.
You begin to speak like Amanda Goodwinter.
You’ve always been speaking like Amanda Goodwinter.
You try to write Straight From the Qwill Pen columns for your local paper.
You write these things!
Author’s Note: If you have done every one of these things, please tell me! I’d love to know.
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