GARAGE SALE!! Baseball caps, huntn rifles, lots of misc. Just head south on North Street East and turn west on New West Street until you meet South Street West, to the east. You can't miss it!
BOB'S CHOP SALON is having a sale! 10% off all cuts to the general public; 15% for seniors; 5% for regulars who come in and take up chair space doing nothing but sitting around discussing county planning meetings and high school football scores. Just follow the odor down Trevelyan Road to the Cannery Mall.
THE SAVE THE D campaign is holding its first fundraiser pasty cook-off Saturday at the FOO. Proceeds go toward rebuilding the D that fell off the FOO sign years ago. Door prizes of new feed caps from Kilcally Dairy Farm offered; event runs from 6:00 till the tap runs dry.
THE PICKAX THEATRE COMPANY proudly presents "Waiting for Koko", the feel-good absurdist comedy of the season! Starring Larry Lanspeak as Estragon, Lyle Compton as Vladimir, Timmie Wilmot as the boy, and Derek Cuttlebrink as the tree. Musical numbers by Jim Qwilleran and Hixie Rice! Tickets available from the Pickax Boosters Club and H&H Sand & Gravel.
SALE AT CUTTLEBRINK HDWE. and Genl. Mdse., Tue.-Sat. Cash, chk., V/MC acptd. Come ASAP.
THE MOOSE COUNTY HISTORICAL SOCIETY would like to formally voice its opposition to the "Save the D" campaign. While the sign was indeed originally constructed with a D, the current "damaged" FOO sign has become part of Moose County's cultural heritage. Restoring the D now would be equivalent to straightening the Mona Lisa, sculpting arms to attach to the Venus de Milo, or touching up the Mona Lisa to give her a Hollywood smile and a nose ring! Please sign our petition to to place the sign under K-funded historical preservation today!
NOTICE TO PICKAX LIBRARY PATRONS
Head librarian Polly Duncan would like to remind visitors of the importance of being a good neighbor and picking up after oneself. In recent weeks, volunteers have been kept extra-busy retrieving books that have been knocked on the floor and subsequently kicked under bookcases and desks by reckless guests. Our patrons can't find the titles they're looking for if they're not shelved in the proper place, and titles like Martin Hedgwood's The Green-Eyed Hurricane, Shawn McAllister's Surrender the Jealous Mistress, the library's video copy of Hitchcock's The Lady Vanishes, and Dostoevsky's The Idiot have been temporary and mistakenly pulled out of circulation by this carelessness! Please remember - neatness is paramount!
AN URGENT NOTICE FROM MOOSE COUNTY COMMUNITY COLLEGE
The Moose County College Board of Directors issues a formal commendation to the Save the D campaign for its endeavors to redress a wrong long left untended. It is imperative that the FOO sign be repaired and the D added as soon as possible, not only for aesthetic and maintenance-related interests, but also for the county's educational interests. To have permitted the existence of such a salient, prominent example of Moose County's previous educational lapses is unconsciousable, and the Moose County Historical Society's misguided petition drive engenders a dangerous trend of communicating to our children that poor spelling and grammar, as long as it is long-established or used in a "cute" manner, is not only permissable, but celebrated. Heaven knows that Pickax's school system has more than its share of cultural barbarians pounding at the gate to vanquish, from "Olde Tyme" soda fountains that masquerade as friendly, innocuous after-school havens yet strive by their very nomenclature to undo all the English instruction instilled in the children in the previous seven hours, to certain so-called "civic leaders" who hide behind the mantle of genealogy and "familial pride" to persist in using in their names confusingly unconventional variants on comfortable, traditional English consonant combinations like "qu" and perpetuate disregard for proper orthography among our youth - with which to contend, which is why our fair county must stand tall against this looming threat and stomp it out as soon as possible. Please join Moose County Community College in supporting the Save the D Fund.
Thank you,
Dr. Prelligate
President, Moose County Community College
TIRED of toilet-tissue treasure hunts?
SICK of eateries where the employee lockers are larger than the lavatory stalls?
Then read Hixie Rice's new book,
THE BEST SEATS IN MOOSE COUNTY:
A GUIDE TO RESTAURANT RESTROOMS 400 MILES NORTH OF EVERYWHERE
Hixie calls upon her considerable past experience to detail the most comfortable places in the restaurant business for you to do your business. Includes ratings on accessability, privacy, cleanliness, ampleness of supply of tissue and soap in the dispensers, and whether it offers paper towels or those little hot-air machines where you have to wipe your hands on your pants. In stores now!
FURTHER NOTICE TO PICKAX LIBRARY PATRONS
The library's copy of The Best Seats in Moose County has not been found in the last round of library cleanings and has been declared missing. Please remember that the library is on a limited budget - absconding with our titles puts a strain on our resources!
TOWN HALL MEETING Tuesday night at 7:00 to discuss the renovation of the sign atop the FOO restaurant. Hunting blades, Swiss Army knives, dirks, claymores, hot cups of coffee, and projectile-sized pasties checked at the door.