NEW TRUCK MODELS just in at Gippel's. Wide selection of makes and colors available, including light blue, dark blue, medium blue, azure, periwinkle, blueberry, navy, and midnight blue. Also: Purple Plum, on special this month. Hurry down!
ARMY SALVAGE SPECIAL at Hackpole's Used Car Lot - decommissioned Army jeep, $600. Front axle missing and head gasket blown, but whaddaya want for 600 bucks?
ANNUAL SCOTTISH NIGHT at Pickax Lodge Hall! Make-Your-Own-Haggis, Bagpipe Serenade events planned. Raid on Lockmaster planned after festivities, weather and time permitting; bring your own kilts and face paint. (Dirks and claymores provided.)
WANTED: Information on thief that hit the Black Bear Café last Tuesday. Last seen leaving the premises with 15 cents worth of extra napkins. Call Gary for details. Reward offered (two free straws).
HELP WANTED at Amanda's Studio of Interior Design. No one under 21. No one who has problems working for a woman. No kleptos, drop-outs, or loafers. People with right-leaning political affiliations not particularly welcome either. Will not train.
FOR SALE: Baseball cap, hunter orange. Will take best offer. A few cat scratches in brim, otherwise in excellent condition. Not ostentatious, despite what certain misinformed residents might say.
LOST: One small lipstick case, gold, sparkly. Last seen near grounds of Klingenschoen Mansion.
LOST: One policeman's badge, around Park Circle. Recovery urgent - residents not taking officer seriously, and supply of substitutes exhausted (cereal box pack-in promotion expiring).
LOST: Silver earring. Last worn near K Mansion.
WANTED: Feline psychologist to train small female Siamese with possibly felonious behavior problem. House calls required; cat does not like to travel. Casual dress advised for visits - no purses or shiny, lightweight jewelry, please.