Dearest Friends,
A hearty "ho-ho-ho" to all our jolly little elves out there! The spirit of Christmas dictates that one share their blessings, and so we're sharing our personal blessings with all our beloved friends, business associates, and Amway customers! So tie a candy cane-striped ribbon 'round the "O Christmas Tree" and settle back for glad tidings of all the past year's have-at-yous and whoop-de-dos of the Frobnitz clan!
As I write this, thanks to Kiki's ingenious pudding-cups-for-frequent-flyer-miles scheme, the Frobnitz tribe has just returned from a lovely (but all-too short - but, then, isn't that always the way with vacations?) winter holiday in Hawaii, where we indulged in an early Christmas ham - actually, the roast suckling pig at the Motel 6's luau buffet. (Poi's no substitute for Aunt Linda's delish candied yams, though!) The girls were able to fashion a garland-bedecked makeshift Christmas tree from some stray palm fronds and the leis we got from the airport. Nothing like the white sands of Maui to get us in the mood for a white Christmas!
Looking back on the year, Uncle Merle and Aunt Sophie recently marked their twenty-seventh wedding anniversary with a lovely weekend at their cabin near at the Top o' the Dunes. Unfortunately, their celebratory dinner at the Hot Spot set off Uncle Merle's acid reflux, and they were forced to cut their weekend short.
Uncle Charlie's bowling team, the Pinheads, won this year's county-wide league tournament, thanks to the leadership of President Chas. Alas, Charlie broke the Brunswick in his final frame with a wild throw of his fourteen-pound ball and is now facing impeachment by the rest of the team. We Frobnitzes can avow that Uncle Charlie is "not a crook", even if his aim is a little crooked!
Truck got scouted out by the Ball State Fighting Cardinals. The Cardinals offered him a generous "incentive" (ha, ha) of free all-you-can-eat fast food during his stay and a new Isuzu to join the team - and the recruiter even promised that he could get the charges reduced to reckless endangerment! And Truck's managed to maintain straight A's in his major of Sociopathic Communication on top of it all! Who says that brains and brawn can't come in one package! A big "congrats!" to our student-athlete!
Lenny set out on an adventure of his own this summer, venturing into the depths of Davy Jones's locker near the lake's sunken-ship preserve and plucking a few stray doubloons and a half-working Casio from its depths. Unfortunately, Lenny's finds had to be sold to pay off his hospital bills when he misjudged the depth of the water down below on his would-have-been second trip and dove head-first into a sand bar. Easy come, easy go, Lenny!
In happier news, cousin Wilbur was promoted from his job tending the prison flower gardens. He now works in the prison library and is charged with heading its weekly book-chat club and directing the occasional dramatic productions of the Incarcerated Thespians. Their rendition of "Carousel" will start its run just as soon as the warden can arrange a furlough for the female lead from the women's correctional institute down south. Wilbur's new position comes as a two-fold blessing to the Frobnitzes, for in addition to the increased pay and prestige, it will allow him to work more closely with Uncle Earl, at least until the parole hearing next June.
Little Bon-Bon got the lead in her school play, "The Littlest Octopus". He mother spent three weeks making her costume out of brocade, showercurtains, and suction cups. Break a tentacle, Bon-Bon!
As for our plans this Christmas, Kiki, Yvonne, and I will be hosting our sixth annual Reindeer Games Christmas to-do, complete with Fruitcake Caber Toss, Pin-the-Lighter-on-the-Lent-Wreath, wassail, and special dramatic re-enactments of both "The Twelve Days of Christmas" and "Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer"! We've invited all our closest friends, and we'll be sure to be telling you folks all about the details you missed in our Post-Valentine's Day Newsletter Blow-out this spring. Until then, Happy Holidays, and "toodle-oo"!
~Ronald Frobnitz and Family~
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