PICKAX - A month after its announcement, the Something's first annual Best of Moose County survey has drawn to a close, and our readers engaged the ballot with trademark northern nonconformity. After a spirited discussion among the members of the editorial board as to whether or not to count an entry from "the Dimsdale Diner morning coffee boys" as one vote or six, tabulation of the ballots began, and the results are as follows.
Onoosh's took top honors for Best Ethnic Dish, a category which left respondents widely divided. "Anything from the good old U.S.A." was a popular choice, as was "anything but haggis". More specific choices included Turkish taffy from the Olde Tyme Soda Fountain, French fries at the Jump-Off, and plain, unlabeled Scotch. (The author notes, with some consternation, that the proper adjective for the people of the Highlands, Lowlands, and Southern Uplands is "Scottish", not "Scotch".)
Noticeably absent was the nomination of any Italian fare. One respondent's following sentiments perhaps explain the reason: "The wife told me to put down the ravioli at Linguini's, but I don't think that any food made by Chef Boy-Ar-Dee'd be counted as 'ethnic cuisine'."
Also glaringly overlooked was that popular Welsh delicacy, the pasty. Pasties did, however, overwhelm the Best Local Delicacy category, if our incarnation of the formidable miner's meal can be considered any permutation of the word delicate.
Otto's Tasty Eats captured a triple crown of honors - Best Place for a Family Night Out, Best Dining Value, and Best Restaurant to Take a Date. The coexistance of the first and third distinctions in one establishment seems quite dubious to this reporter.
"Straight from the Qwill Pen" handily won the Best Regular Something Feature category, beating out the runner-up, the astrology column. Honors for Best Alternative News Outlet were split amongst the Dimsdale Diner, Delphine's and Bob's Chop Salon. Urban newspaper The Daily Fluxion lagged far behind in the final vote tally, perhaps due to local disinterest in news Down Below - an attitude the author cannot endorse more heartily.
Moose County Community College captured the title of Best Educational Opportunity, the indispensible Pickax Public Library coming in second. The Goodwinter Farmhouse Museum garnered a considerable number of votes, with many readers echoing the sentiments of one who wrote that it "hasn't been the same since the cookie lady passed away".
"Cookie lady" Iris Cobb was also well-represented in the Most Missed Public Fixture category, which went to the late Dr. Halifax Goodwinter. Other popular also-rans were the Pickax Public Library's manual card catalog and the venerable but now-defunct seaside entrepot The Captain's Mess.
Scottie's Men's Shop was named Best Men's Clothing Shop. Scottie's Men's Shop was also named Best Women's Clothing Shop, an impish turn of events sure to be unappreciated by Pickax's Ladies from Hell. Discounting prankster ballots, that honor went to Lanspeak's.
Honors for Best Gifts go to the antiques at Exbridge & Cobb. Abhorrence and remonstration for Worst Taste go to the respondent who wrote in "free flower bouquets from Hilltop Cemetery".
Despite recent tragedy, the Highland Games were named Best Annual Event. Continuing the previous category's taint of indecorum was the following reply: "I'd say the annual murder, but those seem to happen two or three times a year nowadays". One voter cast his ballot for the Tipsy Look-Alike Contest of a few years ago, acknowledging that it was not an annual event but opining that it should be.
Readers' choices for Best Weekend Activity produced a potpourri of recreational diversions, including window shopping in downtown Pickax, birdwatching, hunting & fishing, biking on Ittibittiwassee Road, touring the Great Dune by Mooseville, picnicking in Pioneer Cemetery, agate hunting near the Top o' the Dunes, UFO hunting near the Top o' the Dunes, and "the reason the Good Lord made holy the Sabbath Day - praising His name in His own house". Some have questioned the safety of hiking along the Great Dune in light of recent events. (It can be asserted that it is no more dangerous than biking on Ittibittiwassee Road.)
Best Civic Improvement went to the recent rebirth of the New Pickax Hotel as the Mackintosh Inn; as per the desultory yet indisputable assertion of one voter, "it ain't too hard to improve on something that's been blown up". Some, however, argued, that the best sort of structural renovation is none at all: "all the big new construction projects are for fancy mansions or little boutiques just for the rich people that we don't need and that drive up our property values."
No clear winner emerged in the Best Tourist Attraction category, with no locale receiving more than one vote and most respondents opting for variations of "any place that doesn't attract tourists".
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