1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

2. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

5. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6. Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.

7. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

8. Dogs still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

9. Never hold a Dustbuster and a cat at the same time.

10. School lunches stick to the wall.

11. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

12. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

13. The best place to be when you're sad is in Grandma's lap.

14. Moms get mad when you cut your own bangs.

15. Moms get even madder when you let your friend cut your bangs.

16. Never put chewed gum in your pocket without a wrapper.

17. Putting crayons in the microwave or the clothes dryer is a no-no.

18. Never, EVER get caught playing with the toys in mom's and dad's nightstand.

19. It's not a good idea to shine the bathroom floor with Vaseline.