- A -

A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN'
HE'S JUST HOPIN'

A MAN WHO DRIVES
WHEN HE IS DRUNK
SHOULD HAUL HIS
COFFIN IN HIS TRUNK

APPROACHED
A CROSSING
WITHOUT LOOKING
WHO WILL EAT
HIS WIDOWS COOKING?
 
AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY--SPLIT
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL CAR
WASN'T IT?

AT INTERSECTIONS
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT ITS HARD TO PLAY


  - B -

BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
DRIVER'S CODE

BROTHER SPEEDERS
LET'S REHEARSE
ALL TOGETHER
GOOD MORNING NURSE


  - C -

CAUTIOUS RIDER
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
AND LOTS MORE STEER


  - D -

DOESN’T
KISS YOU
LIKE SHE USEDTER?
PERHAPS SHE’S SEEN
A SMOOTHER ROOSTER!

DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT

DRIVE LIKE
A RAILROAD ENGINEER
TAKE IT EASY
WHEN THE ROAD'S
NOT CLEAR

DRIVE
WITH CARE
BE ALIVE
WHEN YOU ARRIVE.
 
DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING



  - E -

EVERY SHEBA
WANTS A SHEIK
STRONG OF MUSCLE
SMOOTH OF CHEEK


  - F -
{none listed herein to date}


  - G -

GUYS WHOSE EYES
ARE IN
THEIR BACKS
GET HALOS CROSSING
RAILROAD TRACKS

 
  - H -

HE HAD THE RING
HE HAD THE FLAT
{BUT} SHE FELT HIS CHIN
AND THAT WAS THAT

HE LIT A MATCH
TO CHECK HIS TANK
THAT'S WHY
THEY CALL HIM
SKINLESS FRANK
 (14 Nov 07)

HENRY THE EIGHTH
SURE HAD
TROUBLE
SHORT TERM WIVES
LONG TERM STUBBLE

HE SAW
THE TRAIN
AND TRIED TO DUCK IT
KICKED FIRST THE GAS
AND THEN THE BUCKET
 
HE TRIED TO CROSS
AS FAST TRAIN NEARED
DEATH DIDN'T DRAFT
HIM
HE VOLUNTEERED

 
  - I -
{none listed herein to date}

  - J -
{none listed herein to date}

  - K -
{none listed herein to date}

  - L -

LITTLE BO PEEP
HAS LOST HER JEEP
IT STRUCK A TRUCK
WHEN SHE FELL ASLEEP


  - M -

MISSIN’
KISSIN’?
PERHAPS YOUR THRUSH
CAN’T GET THRU
THE UNDERBRUSH — TRY
BURMA SHAVE


  - N -

NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU


  - O -
{none listed herein to date}

  - P -

PASSING CARS
WHEN YOU CAN'T SEE
MAY GET YOU A GLIMPSE
OF ETERNITY

PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW

PAST
SCHOOLHOUSES
TAKE IT SLOW
LET THE LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW
 
PITY ALL
THE
MIGHTY CAESARS
THEY PULLED
EACH
WHISKER OUT
WITH TWEEZERS


  - Q -
{none listed herein to date}

  - R -

REMEMBER THIS
IF YOU'D BE
SPARED TRAINS DON'T
WHISTLE BECAUSE
THEY'RE SCARED
 

  - S -

SAID JULIET
TO ROMEO
IF YOU WON’T SHAVE
GO HOMEO

SHAVING BRUSHES
YOU'LL SOON SEE 'EM
ON A SHELF
IN SOME MUSEUM

SHE KISSED
THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE *
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE
 
SLOW DOWN, PA
SAKES ALIVE
MA MISSED SIGNS
FOUR/ AND FIVE
{claimed to be the very
 last one, in 1955}
  - T -

THE ANSWER TO
A MAIDENS
PRAYER
IS NOT A CHIN
OF STUBBY HAIR
 
THE BEARDED DEVIL
IS FORCED TO DWELL
IN THE ONLY PLACE
WHERE THEY DON'T SELL
BURMA-SHAVE!

THE HOBO
LETS HIS
WHISKERS SPROUT
ITS TRAINS - NOT GIRLS
THAT HE TAKES OUT
 
THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED TO A WARMER
HEMISPHERE

THE ONE WHO DRIVES WHEN
HE'S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING

THE OTHER WOMAN
IN HIS LIFE
SAID “GO BACK HOME
AND SCRATCH YOUR WIFE"
{supposedly proposed, but rejected}

TO GET
AWAY FROM
HAIRY APES
LADIES JUMP
FROM FIRE ESCAPES
 
TRAIN APPROACHING
WHISTLE SQUEALING
PAUSE!
AVOID THAT
RUNDOWN FEELING!
 
TRAINS DON'T
WANDER
ALL OVER THE MAP
FOR NO ONE
SITS ON
THE ENGINEER'S LAP
 
TRAIN WRECKS FEW
REASON CLEAR
FIREMAN
NEVER HUGS
ENGINEER


  - U -
{none listed herein to date}

  - V -
{none listed herein to date}


  - W -


WE KNOW
HOW MUCH
YOU LOVE THAT GAL
BUT USE BOTH HANDS
FOR DRIVING, PAL

WE’RE WIDELY READ
AND OFTEN
QUOTED
BUT IT’S SHAVES
NOT SIGNS
FOR WHICH WE’RE NOTED

{One of the more famous ones:}
WITHIN THIS VALE
OF TOIL
AND SIN
YOUR HEAD GROWS BALD
BUT NOT YOUR
CHIN — USE
BURMA SHAVE
{Also claimed to be in the
Smithsonian Institution -
see below!}


  - X -
{none listed herein to date}

  - Y -
{none listed herein to date}

  - Z -
{none listed herein to date}



* - the line was missing; I thought it should read 
"FOR GOODNESS' SAKE!"

    but was disabused by a dear RR friend on 15 Jul 01.


LETTER KEYS:
(A) 
(B) 
(C) 
(D) 
(E) 
(F) 
(G) 
(H) 
(I) 
(J) 
(K) 
(L) 
(M)


(N) 
(O) 
(P) 
(Q) 
(R) 
(S) 
(T) 
(U) 
(V) 
(W) 
(X) 
(Y) 


(Z)

[In the preceding list, I deliberately omitted the terminal line, "BURMA-SHAVE" to 
save bandwith (memory),

except where the line is an integral part of the jingle.]


I don't know about some of these!

I have the unmitigated gall to offer these two:





I INVENTED

BURMA-SHAVE

WHEN I WAS A ROMAN

GALLEY SLAVE

THESE SIGNS ALONG

THE ROAD YOU SEE

ARE BROUGHT TO YOU

BY S. B., THREE


Each line represents a single sign, and the last was always "BURMA-SHAVE".

At the Illinois Railroad Museum, Aug 99, I found this gem:


STATISTICS

PROVE

THAT FOLKS

NEAR

AND FAR

  {actual format on sign!}


WHO DRIVE

LIKE CRAZY

..ARE!


and at the Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, Michigan, also Aug 99, this:


PITY ALL

THE

MIGHTY CAESARS

THEY PULLED

EACH

WHISKER OUT

WITH TWEEZERS


And this in 19 Sep 00 from a fellow Long Island Motor Parkway Panelist; I'd completely forgotten it:


IN THIS VALE

OF TOIL AND SIN

YOUR HEAD GROWS BALD

BUT NOT YOUR CHIN


The SMITHSONIAN Magazine for August 2000, Page 120, "Signs of the 
Times", offers this one I'd also forgotten:


DINAH DOESN'T

TREAT HIM RIGHT

BUT IF HE'D SHAVE

DINAH MIGHT


Supposedly, the Smithsonian Institution preserves one intact set:


SHAVING BRUSHES

YOU'LL SOON SEE 'EM

ON A SHELF

IN SOME MUSEUM

BURMA-SHAVE!


but see "WITHIN THIS VALE", above.

One of the best of the many, many Burma-Shave sites is on Candace Rich's 
Fifties Web.

Others are Barrett's FMS 
Computer Training site, where I saw the old sign, and

Dan Gookin's Burma 
Shave Slogans site.


Stay tuned!



THUMBS UP!
THUMBS UP!  -  Support your local police, fire, and emergency personnel!

S. Berliner, III



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© Copyright S. Berliner, III - 2003, 

2007

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