"Let Them Go"

This little article arrived in my mailbox, sent to me recently by a friend. It had some additional things at the end appropriate to general things ( like much of the stuff that is passed around on the Internet), but I think this portion is very appropriate for my divorce site. I hope this is the proper author to whom the credit should go, and I hope he doesn't mind me using it here. I've used his words with a few punctuation corrections.

These are pretty strong words, but I have to say I agree with him. It reiterates what I've said about "Can This Marriage Be Saved?" When someone leaves your life, you can't make them stay. It is my belief, as is stated below, that it wasn't meant to be for the long haul, and that it really isn't God's plan for you. When you beg someone to stay, you are lowering your self esteem and giving them power that they should not have over you. There is a great difference in trying to work out problems and save a marriage if both people are interested in doing so, and in when one quits trying and leaves.
You simply have to realize that you can't keep them when they aren't willing to stay. As much as I tried to get my husband to stay when he left, and as much as I felt abandoned, rejected and miserable, I can look back and realize now that it wasn't meant to be. It wasn't what God had in mind for me. It wasn't supposed to last.

"Let Them Go"

By T. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you, let them walk.
I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you,
coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean, hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody who left.

The Bible said that they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for
us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you.
And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

It doesn't mean that they are a bad person; it just means that their part in the story is over.
And you've got to know when peoples' part in your story is over
so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift. I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.
Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!

(End of Jake's words)

The actual New King James Version Bible verse from 1 John 2:19 states: "They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us; but they went out that they might be made manifest, that none of them were of us."

To me, this means that if the person we were with was really meant for us, he or she would not leave. This is small comfort when you have been left and are alone and hurting and grieving, but you need to keep in mind that your life's book is not finished. This is not the end of your life. There will be other chapters of your life with new characters coming into your life. The people who come into your life from now on will be a continuation of your book of life. For thus it is written, and the book is there for you to live. We all have the freedom to make choices, but I believe that the Book of Life knows our choices and that it written before our birth. Let that person go so that you can get on with your life and live it the way it is meant to be lived.
This does not mean that you should not grieve and feel the pain of the loss; it means that after you have felt the pain of your loss and done your grieving, you have to pull yourself up and get on with a new and better life.
For it will be better if you have the right attitude.

Aside:

As a writer and librarian, I'm always interested in getting to the source of things that have been written and whom I quote.Since I first created this page, I did a little research and found that this essay (actually part of a sermon) by Jakes is all over the Internet. I learned that Bishop T.D. Jakes is a somewhat controversial pastor in Dallas has been on TV from time to time, and was on the cover of TIME a few years ago. He is Pastor and CEO of The Potter's House of Dallas, Inc., a multiracial nondenominational church. He is thought to be by some as not entirely telling God's words as they were written. However (and evidentally), based on the number of web sites his "Let Them Go' has been placed on, this particular writinig by him has meaning for a lot of people. Here I've tried to put it in the context of divorce and death.

This page is in no way an endorsement of T.D.Jakes and his ministry.

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