Welcome To Dixie!
           Tips for a Northerner moving South
             
           Thanks to my friend Cat Purry for yet more words of wisdom
             

     
        1. Save all manner of bacon grease.  You will be instructed later
            how to use it.

        2.  If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let
        alone eating.

        3. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay
        out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
         

             
        4.  Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean
        we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
               
        5. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those
        who do.  In  fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a
        southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the
        car was purchased.

        6. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already
        know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off
        trying to find it yourself.

                   
        7.  If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic.  Four men in
        the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain
        will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their
        way.  This is what they live for.
           
               
       8.  Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

       9.  Do not buy food at the movie rental store.
       


      10.  If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as
      "Bubba".  You have a 75% chance of being right.

         
      11. Remember:  "Y'all" is singular.  "All y'all" is plural. "All
      yall's" is plural possessive.
         
      12.  Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
         
      13. People walk slower here.
         


        14. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone.  They don't
         understand you either.

           
        15. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer
        proper.

        16. Be advised:  The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.
         

        17. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the
        last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
         
           
        18. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their
        car's windshield that comes from yelling at Southern drivers.
           
        19. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the
        most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the
        local grocery store.  It does not matter if you need anything from
         the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.
             

          The Kudzu Creepeth
                 
      20. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South.  When you
      purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your
      trailer.  This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost
      considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be
      displayed.
         
      21. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in
      common.  In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
         
      22. Florida is not considered a southern state.  There are far
      more Yankees living there than Southerners.
         
                   
      23. In southern churches you will hear  the hymn, All Glory, Laud and
      Honor.  You will also hear  expressions such as, "Laud, have
      mercy", "Good Laud",  and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy".
           
      24. Remember, many folks learned to drive on a vehicle known as
      John Deere, and 15mph in a 55mph zone in the middle of the road
      is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.
           

          Winner of 1998 Kudzu Tractor Pull
          Photo courtesy of Blythwood Kudzu Festival
                 
      25.  If you don't know the difference between a Smokehouse,
      a Springhouse, and an Outhouse, you'd best look for a Chevron
      station Minimart.

            Springhouse
      28.  "See ya later alligator"  is not just a silly saying in Dixie.
       
                 
          And  last but not of least importance....
          29.  Never accept a Kudzu plant as a housewarming gift.
                 
           
         

               
               
               
                Mail2Friend : 1 Click 2 recommend !
              click to mail to someone movin' South

              Next     Back To Dixieland     Visit My Homepage

                 
                click here to go Back To Lagniappe