You know you are not in Portland when:

• Your waitress brings your glass of Chardonnay and it is, obviously a cheap "blush". You question what is in the glass, suggesting it might be a White Zin (charitably). The waitress replies, "oh, you must be a wine connoisseur, we serve this as Chardonnay all the time!" --Carson City, Nv.
• The rainstorm that dropped 3 inches in one hour leaves no traces an hour later, except for the fires started by the lightening that was all around us. -- Carson City, Nv
• The biggest news spread (2 pages with big pictures) in the Sunday paper is about a Ranching Controversy, and the Wedding Column has pictures you can actually see -- at least 2X4 inches! -- Casper (Wy) Star Tribune
• The highest spot in the state is barely 3500' and they call it a Butte! --White Butte, ND -- Or how about the highest place at 2300' and they dare call it a Mountain! -- Eagle Mountain, MN -- At least in Wisconsin they correctly call their highest point (1953') Timm's HILL!
• You don't recognize any of the gas station names -- Spur?, Holiday?, Citgo?, --Iron River, MI
• Supper Clubs are everywhere -- but few Restaurants to be found. We now understand that the origin was from farming days when "supper" was the evening meal, and these "restaurants" were (and are) only open for Supper. No other connotation is implied - no membership, no entertainment, etc. -- All over Wisconsin
• "Thruway - 8 miles" "Thruway - 2 miles"-- what a funny name for a town, not very creative of them, I'm thinking. What a fool! It's not a town, it is a "thing" -- you know, like a freeway, only with with a toll and not many exits!! So when I see "Spectacular - 33 miles" -- I'm thinking, OK, they're not getting me again. We're in the beautiful Adirondacks -- they are "Spectacular" -- so what is it?? This time, it is a "Hamlet" and quite Spectacular at that!! -- New York
• When the sun RISES over the ocean, and SETS over land -- very disorienting! ---New Jersey & all along the Eastern Seaboard
• The Smoking sections are larger than the Non Smoking sections of restaurants -- Carolinas & Georgia
• The chickens, dogs and birds fly free through the bars and restaurants (we didn't eat in these!) -- Key West, FL
• Most of the Seafood is served deep fried --- Alabama & Mississippi
• They really talk funny here -- "y'all" is the most noticeable -- but they people are friendly and endearing, even if they talk funny! -- Alabama & Mississippi
• You are at such a high elevation, you can barely breathe! -- Pike's Peak 14,130' -- Colorado