IMPORTANT!  PLEASE READ CAREFULLY!
PLEASE READ AND FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE USING YOUR MYECK PAGE.
Congratulations upon your selection of the myeck page.  This is a state-of-the-art page which incorporates the latest technology to make its operation as easy as possible.  Exceptional quality backed by a host of sophisticated features and functions makes the myeck page a truly unique page.  We are confident that you will have many years of trouble-free enjoyment if you carefully read these instructions and follow them.

 
Only use the original ACA-1401 power supply that came with your myeck page.  If you should need a replacement, contact your dealer.
DO NOT ATTEMPT to use the ACA-1401A power supply!  This could seriously damage your myeck page and will void your warranty.

 
Most electrical appliances work better if you plug them in.
If that does not solve the problem, try banging on the side of your monitor a few times.

 
Avoid prolonged exposure to direct sunlight.
Discontinue use immediately if the sun goes nova and burns the earth to a cinder.
If the myeck page sees its shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.

 
Never use the myeck page when you are tired.  Get plenty of rest beforehand.
Remember to take a break every now and then.

 
Do not annoy the person in the next stall by throwing the spare toilet paper rolls at them.
If the person in the next stall works at the Post Office, avoid annoying them in any other way also.
Remember, the Post Office will not deliver mail unless you insert the envelopes into the mailbox vertically, facing away from you with the flaps on the right.

 
 The myeck page makes a lovely gift for any occasion.
Now available in non-prescription strength.
The myeck page is fighting to protect your liberty.
The myeck page is crusading for justice.
Your myeck page was made with 100% recycled ideas.
The myeck page is now accepted in Canada.
The myeck page is Australian for beer.
The myeck page is very proud of its gold medal from the 1984 Summer Olympics.
Your myeck page needs lots of love and affection to be happy.
Carry your myeck page wherever you go, for good luck.

 
It is better to light a candle while using your myeck page than to curse the darkness while using those other pages.
A lightbulb may be more effective though.

 
The myeck page is completely compatible with your existing telephone equipment.
The myeck page is dolphin friendly.  Any dolphin can use the myeck page if it can hold a mouse.

 
If you experience difficulty in getting the voice recognition function to work correctly, try "smoothing" your voice by covering the microphone with a few layers of cloth.
Overuse of the voice recognition feature can lead to soreness. 

 
If fuel runs out, switch to Glide mode immediately.
Never confuse pornographic images with the real thing.
Use a No. 2 lead pencil.  Be sure to fill in the circles completely.

 
Remember, you can't expect to get the most out of your myeck page if your body doesn't have the correct balance of nutrients.  Here are a few important dietary tips for use with the myeck page.
Always use proper cutlery.
Avoid eating greasy foods within twelve hours of using the myeck page.
Try to eat more healthy foods, such as fish.
However, you should try to avoid fish carrying their own cutlery.
Never attempt to eat anything larger than you can hold in two hands, especially if it is still alive.
Do not attempt to eat the myeck page.  Although the myeck page is made from the finest materials, it is for external use only.
Eat at least five servings of fruit every day you use the myeck page.
The myeck page tastes great slow-cooked on a charcoal grill.  Special tray can be used in microwaves or conventional ovens too.
Always keep a supply of Kellogg's Pop-Tarts handy.
Don't forget to make a wish.

 
 
 Avoid watching television programs about cattle mutilation.
If poor reception continues, try adjusting the antenna.
  The explosive device will be hidden behind an access panel.  When you are about to clip the red wire, remember to change your mind and clip the green one at the last second.
Ask your doctor.  If he doesn't know, then it's probably OK.

 
The myeck page must be in the OFF position during takeoff and landing.
Never attempt to load the myeck page onto an airplane which is actually in flight.

 
Use genuine Columbia diamond replacement needles for maximum fidelity.
The myeck page stops at all railroad crossings.
Pressing this button on the control panel will have no effect.  It has no function, it is just a prop.
Make sure that you will have enough room to stand up.
Don't let any of the frosting get in your hair. It's sticky!
Always remember the second law of thermodynamics when using the myeck page.

 
Headphones may be worn to ensure privacy, at a nominal rental of US$3.00.
DO NOT tip or rock the soft drink vending machine.  It is dangerous. Money collected nightly.
If you find yourself feeling strange or uneasy, make sure your controls are set to Normal.
To ensure optimum performance, have your myeck page calibrated by an authorized technician regularly.

 
Your cat is pretending it knows how to use the myeck page.  It is lying.  Don't let it.
Count your horse's legs before you start.  If legs are missing, discontinue use immediately.
Avoid any strange persons you may meet with two or more mouths or six or more eyes.  They are probably aliens.
Never let any friendly-looking aliens show you their "floating ball" trick.  It is a trap!  They are trying to hypnotize you!
Reports of "lobster men from Mars" attempting to abduct the myeck page are unsubstantiated and probably attributable to mass hysteria.

 
Other pages require daily maintenance.

The myeck page's advanced design avoids the problems with the capstans and pinch rollers needed by other pages.
  Insert the optional SO-321 Super Options card with the label side facing up.

 
Don't forget to send in your registration card immediately. Registered myeck page owners are eligible for a special offer on myeck's new home study course, MYESLAN, the sign language for antisocial creeps.

 
Never use the myeck page outdoors during a thunderstorm.  Lightning could damage it.
No Flash photography, please.
Don't leave your clothes lying around.  Use the hangers included with your myeck page.
Line up in order of decreasing height.
Smoking is not permitted in the myeck page or rest rooms.
Limited technical support is available by special arrangement.

 
Compare your myeck page to other pages you recall using
If you don't think that the myeck page is good enough, you should lower your values.

 
now you are ready to
GO TO MYECK'S PAGE