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Today is Friday August 17 the 229th day of 2007. There
are 136 to go. The Sun is
at 23 Leo The moon is waxing.
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Partial Dosage:
An elderly gentleman went to the local
drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.
The pharmacist said "That's no
problem.
Howmany do you want?"
The man answered, "Just a few, maybe
4, but cut each one in 4 pieces."
The pharmacist said, "That won't do
you any good."
The elderly gentleman said, "That's
alright.
I don't need them for sex anymore I'm
over 80 years old,
I just want it to stick out far enough
so I don't pee on my shoes."
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After shopping for most of the day, a
couple returns to find their car has been stolen.
They go to the police station to make
a full report.
Then, a detective drives them back to
the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the
crime.
To their amazement, the car has been
returned.
There is an envelope on the windshield
with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert.
The note reads, "I apologize for
taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire
your ignition to rush her to the hospital.
Please forgive the inconvenience.
Here are two tickets for tonight's
concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."
Their faith in humanity restored, the
couple attend the concert and return home late.
They find their house has been robbed.
Valuable goods have been taken from
thoughout the house, from basement to attic.
And, there is a note on the door
reading, "Well, you still have your car.
I have to put my newly born kid
through college somehow, don't I?"
--------------------------------------------------------
An
older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phoney beard sat
down at a bar and ordered a drink.
As
the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a party?"
"Yeah,"
the man answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."
"But
you look like Abe Lincoln," protested the barkeep."
That's
right.
My
last four scores were seven years ago."
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Have
to say I thought this was funny
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| Today in History: Friday, August 17, 2007 |
|
AP Highlight in History:
On Aug. 17,
1896, a prospecting party discovered gold in Alaska, a finding that
touched off the Klondike gold rush.
|
|
 |
| AP Photo/Gold Rush National Historic Park |
|
|
| On this date in: |
| 1943 |
The Allied conquest of Sicily was completed as U.S. and
British forces entered Messina. |
| 1945 |
Indonesian nationalists declared independence from the
Netherlands. |
| 1948 |
Former State Department official Alger Hiss faced his
chief accuser, Whittaker Chambers, during a closed-door meeting of the
House Un-American Activities Committee in New York. Hiss repeated his
denial that he'd ever been a Communist agent. |
 |
| AP Photo |
|
| 1962 |
East German border guards shot and mortally wounded
18-year-old Peter Fechter, who had attempted to cross over the Berlin
Wall into the western sector. |
| 1969 |
Hurricane Camille slammed into the Gulf Coast, killing
248 people. |
| 1987 |
Rudolf Hess, the last member of Adolf Hitler's inner
circle, died at Spandau prison in West Berlin at age 93, having
apparently committed suicide by strangling himself with an electrical
cord. Hess had been the only inmate at Spandau for 21 years. |
| 1992 |
Actor-director Woody Allen admitted being romantically
involved with Soon-Yi Previn, the adopted daughter of his longtime
companion, actress Mia Farrow. |
| 1998 |
President Bill Clinton underwent grand jury questioning
in the Monica Lewinsky scandal. |
| 1998 |
Russia devalued the ruble. |
| 2000 |
The Democratic National Convention in Los Angeles
nominated Connecticut Sen. Joseph Lieberman for vice president. |
| 2002 |
Pope John Paul II arrived in Krakow, Poland, for the
ninth and final visit to his native country during his papacy. |
| 2005 |
Israeli security forces began the forcible removal of
Jews from four settlements in the Gaza Strip. |
|
|
| Video |
| Highlights of This Day in History |
| Today's Birthdays: |
| Actor Robert De Niro turns 64 years old today. |
 |
| AP Photo/Matt Sayles |
|
|
| Name |
Profession |
Age |
| Maureen
O'Hara |
Actress |
87 |
| Martha
Coolidge |
Director |
61 |
| Gary Talley |
Rock
musician (The Box Tops) |
60 |
| Norm Coleman |
U.S.
senator, R-Minn. |
58 |
| Sib Hashian |
Rock
musician (Boston) |
58 |
| Robert Joy |
Actor |
56 |
| Guillermo
Vilas |
Tennis Hall
of Famer |
55 |
| Kevin Rowland |
Rock singer
(Dexy's Midnight Runners) |
54 |
| Colin
Moulding |
Rock
musician (XTC) |
52 |
| Kevin Welch |
Country
singer-songwriter |
52 |
| Belinda
Carlisle |
Singer (The
Go-Gos) |
49 |
| Sean Penn |
Actor |
47 |
| Everette Harp |
Jazz
saxophonist |
46 |
| Gilby Clarke |
Rock
musician |
45 |
| Jon Gruden |
Football
coach |
44 |
| Maria McKee |
Country
singer |
43 |
| Steve Gorman |
Rock
musician (The Black Crowes) |
42 |
| Jill Cunniff |
Rock
musician (Luscious Jackson) |
41 |
| David Conrad |
Actor |
40 |
| Posdnuos |
Rapper (De
La Soul) |
38 |
| Donnie
Wahlberg |
Actor |
38 |
| Antwaan
Randle El |
Football
player |
28 |
| Bryton
McClure |
Actor |
21 |
| Brady Corbet |
Actor |
19 |
| New York Yankees catcher Jorge Posada turns 36 years old
today. |
 |
| AP Photo/Ed Betz |
|
|
|
--------------------------------------------------
Since I'm
STILL not completely back up ...................
You Know You
Have a Bad Computer When...
10. The lower
corner of screen has the words "Etch A Sketch" on it.
9. When you
insert a disk, it spits out a pack of cigarettes.
8. You have to
pedal it.
7. The manual
contains one sentence: "Good luck!"
6. The only
chip inside came from a bag of Doritos.
5. When you
turn it on, the dogs in the neighborhood start howling.
4. You catch a
virus from it.
3. The screen
frequently freezes and a message comes up: "Ain't it break time,
Chester?"
2. While
running, it emits deafening calliope music.
1. It
cyber-snickers at you.
------------------------------------------------------------
Annoying Ways
to Order a Pizza
* Make up a
charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
* End the call
with, "Remember, we never had this conver- sation."
* Give them
your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
* Tell them to
put the crust on top this time.
* Do not name
the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
* Put an extra
edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
* Ask for a
deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a
Cheeser! Cheeser!)
* If they
repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be
$10.99; please pull up to the first window."
* Ask if you
get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
* Ask to see a
menu.
* Ask what
their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
* Ask for the
guy who took your order last time.
* Start the
conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and... action!"
* Make the
first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No
mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
----------------------------------------------------------------
OK,
move along, that's all there is, move along please ....
-----------------------------------------------
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While I write some of what appears in my newsletters, mostly it is
stuff that's
merely passed on, often without attribution. If at all possible,
attribution is
given, and any copyright notice, if copyrighted material is used at
all,
is ALWAYS included. Written permission(s) (email-I can't
handwrite) are
sought where practicable. If you see anything at all that shouldn't be
there,
should be differently attributed, or is objectionable in any way,
please let me
know by simply
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notice is
included:
*COPYRIGHT NOTICE** In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107,
any
copyrighted work in this message is distributed under fair use without
profit
or payment..
[Ref.
Fair
Use
]
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-------------------------------------------------------
Measure with a micrometer.
Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
- DogByte
Home is where the grab
bars are.