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For April 14 & 15, 2007

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California Crazy Law:

Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.

Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.

Many animals are illegal to own as pets, including snails, sloths, and elephants.

Bathhouses are against the law.

In an animal shelter, lizards and snakes are treated under the same guidelines as cats and dogs.

No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.

Women may not drive in a house coat.

It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.

Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways.

You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit.

Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.

City Council order reads: "No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash."

You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.

It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds.

Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk.

(Repealed when Clint Eastwood was mayor) Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits.

Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine.

It is illegal to wash your car in the street. (Passed 1995).

It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.

You are forbidden to spit on the ground within 5 feet of another person.

It is illegal to own or sell "Silly String".

It is illegal to posses, own or raise roosters.

This is considered disturbing the peace.

It is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.

Cars are the only item allowed in a garage.

Toads may not be licked.

You may not hunt moths under a street light.

It is a crime for dogs to mate within 500 yards of a church.

Breaking this law is punishable by a fine of $500 and/or six months in prison.

You cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.

Zoot suits are prohibited.

It is illegal to cry on the witness stand.

It is illegal for a man to beat his wife with a strap wider than 2 inches without her consent.

Roosters may not crow in the city limits.

Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.

It is illegal to walk a camel down Palm Canyon Drive between the hours of four and six PM.

It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss.

Two bathtubs may not be installed in the same house.

Motor vehicles may not drive on city streets unless a man with a lantern is wallking ahead of it.

One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock.

The owners of houses with Christmas lights on them past February second may be fined up to $250.

It is illegal to shoot jackrabbits from the back of a streetcar.

Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.

Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash.

It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.

It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear.

It is illegal to have more than two cats or dogs.

-Ord. 7.08.595 You may not play percussion instruments on the beach.

Ducks have the right of way to cross Rancho California St. at all times.

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The REAL civil war

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From Ed W

Enjoy!!!

For those who have sons (and grandsons) & those who are happy they don't.

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And you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like...

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.
house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a
crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and
a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint
can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a
few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a
long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a
baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's
already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even
though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-
year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same
sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you
still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV
commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys
do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response
time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make
earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their
friends, with or without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

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From Kitcajun

How to get from New York to London
Take 60 seconds to do this, I guarantee you will show someone else, it's too funny not to.

1. go to www.google.com
2. click on "maps"
3. click on "get directions"
4. type " New York " in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type " London " in the second box (the "to" box)
6. press on "get directions" button
7. scroll down to step #23

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OK, move along, that's all there is, move along please ....

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Housekeeping:

While I write some of what appears in my newsletters, mostly it is stuff that's merely passed on, often without attribution. If at all possible, attribution is given, and any copyright notice, if copyrighted material is used at all,  is ALWAYS included. Written permission(s) (email-I can't handwrite) are sought where practicable. If you see anything at all that shouldn't be there, should be differently attributed, or is objectionable in any way, please let me know by simply writing to me . In no event is any income derived, and so the following notice is included:

*COPYRIGHT NOTICE** In accordance with Title 17 U. S. C. Section 107, any copyrighted work in this message is distributed under fair use without profit or payment..
[Ref. Fair Use ]

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Res ipsa loquitur, sed quid in infernos dicet?

Home is where the grab bars are.